Be anxious for nothing...
Philippians 4:6
I can remember counting down the days until my sixteenth birthday; I could not wait to FINALLY see what car my daddy had chosen for me. I vividly recall marking down the days until high school graduation; I had bought my dress a little over 2 months before that night in complete excitement. I even laugh when I think back to waiting ever so impatiently for my two-month engagement to move quickly on to the wedding day; I was so pumped to wear that dress, marry that man, and live happily ever after.
Even with all of the excitement when countdowns begin, I have the hardest time being patient. I actually noticed today that I have been pregnant for 260 days. Let me make that clear, TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY DAYS. That's progressively close to a year, and yet, all of this waiting, no matter how amazing the outcome, has been incredibly difficult on me.
Why is it that waiting for good things becomes such a tremendous task? Why is it that we begin to complain when the days do not go swiftly by? Why is it that patience is such a tough virtue to obtain?
I have learned that the waiting is only preparing me for what lies ahead. I imagine that once I hold this little miracle in my arms for the first time, that I will forget about the tirelessly, miserable days of waiting I have endured. I want to be able to enjoy the counting down. I want to remember these days for the rest of my life. I want to know that I was absolutely enthralled by the gift God was about to give me.
I cannot tell you how long I waited for that first car. It would take days for me to even remember what the last days of high school were like. It is hard for me to look back in detail on what all I experienced that beautiful March day in 2007 when I married my best friend. I imagine that once this countdown ends and Elijah is here, I will have forgotten about these last days of pregnancy I have come to dread.
God has prepared this time just for me. The countdown has only just begun. The Lord has so much more in store for me. How patient will I be to wait on His blessings? I'm not sure. But I'm ready, and I am so excited to share all of it with you.
Just 20 days from him,
Jenna
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Kind of Son I Hope to Have
I have imagined for eight, long months what my son will be like. I have envisioned his smile, pictured his nose, imagined his hair, and thought about his character. I have learned that he is a night owl and does not enjoy sitting still. He has energy like no one I know, and he is big, healthy, and strong. That is about all I know. However, I cannot help but wonder what he will really be like when he arrives. I cannot fathom what he may be like as a little boy running around in the backyard with his daddy, and I cannot wait to see, if the Lord allows, what he'll be when he grows up to be an adult. But this past week, I was honored to watch a young man be the kind of son I hope to one day have.
He was handsome. He dressed in his brightly-colored shirts and ties, and he stood tall in front of a group of innumerous people. He smiled with grace and dignity. His piercing, blue eyes, filled with tears as he often looked straight into mine.
He believed in prayer. He began sending emails as soon as he received the call that his 48-year-old mother had passed. He knew that the only things he truly needed were the prayers of saints and his heavenly Father. He stopped often throughout the week to pray; it was so encouraging and humbling to see his love for God.
He laughed wholeheartedly. He told stories of days past and recollected on the many memories with his mom. He joked about her quirky attitude and her stubborn ways. He grinned as he found things she had kept for years that he had given her.
He wept. I don't know many who didn't, but as he preached his mother's funeral, tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn't just crying because she was gone, he was devastated over all the lost family members in the chapel. He wasn't afraid to grieve or to show that he loved her by the teardrops streaming down his face.
He was strong. Oh, I cannot explain this fully, but imagine having just lost your grandfather, a baby, and father in less than two years and facing the death of your mother as well. He was so amazing in her absence. He held his sister, and he brought loving words to each of the 400+ people who entered the funeral home doors.
He remembered it all. He wore bright colors because his mother always loved them. He wanted the room filled with beautiful arrangements because she adored them. He asked for certain songs and particular people to be included in the funeral on her behalf. He recollected her favorite foods, endearing ways, and fascinating personality. It was if he hadn't forgotten a single day he'd had with her.
I wish I could spend days explaining how this man is exactly how I hope my soon-to-arrive son is, but I pray this is enough:
Elijah, when you find yourself looking for someone to be like or a person to model your life after, choose Jesus, and if that's too hard to do, sweet boy, look no further than your daddy. He'll lead you to Jesus, and he'll make sure you see who He longs to be like, his Lord. He loves you more than you know, and He longs to see you saved. Yes, your daddy is exactly the kind of son I hope you are, and I know his momma was proud to have.
In Memory of Brian's Momma and Elijah's Nana,
Cindy J. Johnson
April 9, 1960 - March 9, 2009
He was handsome. He dressed in his brightly-colored shirts and ties, and he stood tall in front of a group of innumerous people. He smiled with grace and dignity. His piercing, blue eyes, filled with tears as he often looked straight into mine.
He believed in prayer. He began sending emails as soon as he received the call that his 48-year-old mother had passed. He knew that the only things he truly needed were the prayers of saints and his heavenly Father. He stopped often throughout the week to pray; it was so encouraging and humbling to see his love for God.
He laughed wholeheartedly. He told stories of days past and recollected on the many memories with his mom. He joked about her quirky attitude and her stubborn ways. He grinned as he found things she had kept for years that he had given her.
He wept. I don't know many who didn't, but as he preached his mother's funeral, tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn't just crying because she was gone, he was devastated over all the lost family members in the chapel. He wasn't afraid to grieve or to show that he loved her by the teardrops streaming down his face.
He was strong. Oh, I cannot explain this fully, but imagine having just lost your grandfather, a baby, and father in less than two years and facing the death of your mother as well. He was so amazing in her absence. He held his sister, and he brought loving words to each of the 400+ people who entered the funeral home doors.
He remembered it all. He wore bright colors because his mother always loved them. He wanted the room filled with beautiful arrangements because she adored them. He asked for certain songs and particular people to be included in the funeral on her behalf. He recollected her favorite foods, endearing ways, and fascinating personality. It was if he hadn't forgotten a single day he'd had with her.
I wish I could spend days explaining how this man is exactly how I hope my soon-to-arrive son is, but I pray this is enough:
Elijah, when you find yourself looking for someone to be like or a person to model your life after, choose Jesus, and if that's too hard to do, sweet boy, look no further than your daddy. He'll lead you to Jesus, and he'll make sure you see who He longs to be like, his Lord. He loves you more than you know, and He longs to see you saved. Yes, your daddy is exactly the kind of son I hope you are, and I know his momma was proud to have.
In Memory of Brian's Momma and Elijah's Nana,
Cindy J. Johnson
April 9, 1960 - March 9, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Going Public
I'll admit that my feelings get upset when people mention how big I am to have 12 weeks left of pregnancy. I'll even tell you that it drives me crazy to be hugged right now because I feel smothered. I will say that the strong, little kicks this boy has been putting out often hurt. But nothing, and I mean nothing, bothers me the way hearing, "Are there 8 in there?" does.
I am a HUGE lover of children. I think every baby is a gift from God, even the ones that are miscarried and those who are still "embryos." I don't like abortion AT ALL and will never support its legalization. I really feel as though we live in a world that thinks children are just a bi-product of life, and they are expected to live in conditions that would have been totally unacceptable for us to do ten years ago.
However, I honestly am ill at the way we've made "The Octuplets" such a news story. Yes, it's a miracle. Yes, it's amazing. Yes, only God could have allowed that to happen. Yet, I'm fully aware that God has never intended for a woman's body to carry eight children. Did it happen in the Bible? I think not. Does it happen naturally? Not exactly. There are women all over this world attempting what this mother did. That's not mine to judge or discuss; however, it does bother me that there are families pleading for just ONE... She has 14.
I am offended when people claim that I must have eight inside of me. Oh, you don't know how I wish I could mother eight children, but after miscarrying and seeing friends deal with infertility, I am completely thrilled with the one the Lord has given US. I say "US" because this mother of 8 is single. She has 6 other children. She lives with her mother. She needs governmental and volunteer aid to raise these children.
Though the media would say that this is some sort of spectacle we must all watch and see unfold, I have to disagree. They are giving children and adults alike the idea that it is "okay" to have 14 children without a husband and expect the world to help you raise them. That is NOT okay. When I have friends who would do anything to have just ONE CHILD of their own, who are fully capable of caring for and providing the needs of that child, who are more than willing to do anything just for a baby, I have a problem with the idea of a woman being medically enhanced to have more children when she already had six. She must have known she would get help. She must have realized that Oprah would want to pay her millions to simply appear on her show. She must have thought that 6 children weren't enough for her to care for, and with that in mind, these other 8 children will be a public phenomenon for the rest of their lives. It's a shame...
The Lord loves children. Read His Word, and you'll see the importance He places on them. I have no doubt that He loves those octuplets with more love than I can imagine. However, I don't believe that God loves this situation. He has morals He expects for this world, and when He looks down and sees all of this, can you imagine what He feels?
I believe I can.
I'm disgusted. I'm apalled. I'm angered. I'm saddened by the world I live in. And be it, eight or a single one, I believe that God has better plans for the children He sends us than the lives we're giving them. I know it's going public, it's all over the news, and I promised this blog wouldn't be a political one. Again, I say, it's not. It's strictly the point of view from a Christian who cares about where this country is headed, and I can't help but go public.
I am a HUGE lover of children. I think every baby is a gift from God, even the ones that are miscarried and those who are still "embryos." I don't like abortion AT ALL and will never support its legalization. I really feel as though we live in a world that thinks children are just a bi-product of life, and they are expected to live in conditions that would have been totally unacceptable for us to do ten years ago.
However, I honestly am ill at the way we've made "The Octuplets" such a news story. Yes, it's a miracle. Yes, it's amazing. Yes, only God could have allowed that to happen. Yet, I'm fully aware that God has never intended for a woman's body to carry eight children. Did it happen in the Bible? I think not. Does it happen naturally? Not exactly. There are women all over this world attempting what this mother did. That's not mine to judge or discuss; however, it does bother me that there are families pleading for just ONE... She has 14.
I am offended when people claim that I must have eight inside of me. Oh, you don't know how I wish I could mother eight children, but after miscarrying and seeing friends deal with infertility, I am completely thrilled with the one the Lord has given US. I say "US" because this mother of 8 is single. She has 6 other children. She lives with her mother. She needs governmental and volunteer aid to raise these children.
Though the media would say that this is some sort of spectacle we must all watch and see unfold, I have to disagree. They are giving children and adults alike the idea that it is "okay" to have 14 children without a husband and expect the world to help you raise them. That is NOT okay. When I have friends who would do anything to have just ONE CHILD of their own, who are fully capable of caring for and providing the needs of that child, who are more than willing to do anything just for a baby, I have a problem with the idea of a woman being medically enhanced to have more children when she already had six. She must have known she would get help. She must have realized that Oprah would want to pay her millions to simply appear on her show. She must have thought that 6 children weren't enough for her to care for, and with that in mind, these other 8 children will be a public phenomenon for the rest of their lives. It's a shame...
The Lord loves children. Read His Word, and you'll see the importance He places on them. I have no doubt that He loves those octuplets with more love than I can imagine. However, I don't believe that God loves this situation. He has morals He expects for this world, and when He looks down and sees all of this, can you imagine what He feels?
I believe I can.
I'm disgusted. I'm apalled. I'm angered. I'm saddened by the world I live in. And be it, eight or a single one, I believe that God has better plans for the children He sends us than the lives we're giving them. I know it's going public, it's all over the news, and I promised this blog wouldn't be a political one. Again, I say, it's not. It's strictly the point of view from a Christian who cares about where this country is headed, and I can't help but go public.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Choice. What Exactly Does That Mean?
I have struggled in years past on making decisions. I have had the hardest time choosing who to date, what to wear, and how to fit in. I have always been a people pleaser. I want to make sure that everyone likes me and have always tried to be friends, or at least civil, with every person I have ever met. However, I have had some serious issues with making my own decisions.
In high school, I seemed to always follow the crowd. I'm not proud of that now, but it is what it was. I tended to do whatever everyone else was doing, be it a good decision or not. Cigarettes, alcohol, unhealthy relationships (are just a few)... I did all of those simply because I felt as though I had to to maintain my status among my peers.
It seems as though that society wants me to do the same thing now that I am an adult. I am supposed to accept what culture says is right, and I am encouraged to raise my future children in that same manner. Five years ago, I would have had no problem with that, but my convictions have changed since my last few birthdays. I have learned that the only person I need accepting from is my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have come to terms with the fact that my opinions aren't your typical ones because I stand firmly on the fact that God dictates most all of them.
Now, I'm not saying that all of my decisions are Christ-centered or even Scripturely-based. I usually fail at being the person God sees me as, the one He saved when I was a mere ten years old. However, as a wife, former teacher, young woman, parent-to-be, Christian, I have to stand on His Word, even when that means I don't agree with my friends, relatives, and even this United States in which I live.
Decisions are always hard. God tends to make them especially easy. That's probably why I've been so torn lately over whether or not to even state my opinion regarding the state our country is in. Just the other day, I made a comment about not voting for Obama but praying wholeheartedly for him. That is my duty as a citizen in this great nation; I support him because I have to uphold my service, most importantly, as a Christian. I also commented that I wasn't particularly thrilled with a particular policy he had already made in his four, short days as President. That's my right. I am allowed to stand for the same things my FATHER would.
Choice? I'm not sure what that means anymore in the age I live in. People make choices all of the time that are so far away from what I would do. That's not the point. The fact of the matter is that every choice we make will affect others. There are consequences and reactions to those choices, and yet, this world tells us that every choice can be fixed.
Bailouts. Abortion. Homosexuality. All of these are an "okay" choice today in this society. IT IS A TOTAL LIE. You can choose any of these, and the outcome will still be the same. We, this nation, this people, grow further and further away from God with every CHOICE we seem to be making. Why not make the choice of saving money and not spending what we do not have? Why not make the choice to remain abstinent until marriage? Why not make the choice to live as God would have us, as one man and one woman commited for life? WHY NOT?!
Those are the choices I wish I would have been taught in school (not just at home or in church). I wish that my culture hadn't bombarded me with commercials and movies that told me it was completely acceptable to live however I chose. I wish that I would have known then what I know now. Why does this happen? Because we often tell kids and each other that going against the Word of God is OKAY even when it's not. Walk into a classroom of 6-7 year olds; they'll tell you what sex is, what drugs are, and what gay means. They know already, and it's our fault. We've fallen away from God, and we have chosen things that were never His intention.
I have always tried to keep this blog strictly as my daily personal experiences, and I have never intentionally tried to offend anyone by the thoughts I've written so openly. However, I imagine this particular post may offend some, and even turn others away from reading. Let me say that it is not my purpose to offend you or upset you to anger. I simply write because I am hurt, disappointed, and worried about the future my child is being born into. I appreciate your reading, and do not intend to make this blog a political one. I simply want to be one who's leading others toward Christ. If I have succeeded in doing so, then to God be all of the glory.
In high school, I seemed to always follow the crowd. I'm not proud of that now, but it is what it was. I tended to do whatever everyone else was doing, be it a good decision or not. Cigarettes, alcohol, unhealthy relationships (are just a few)... I did all of those simply because I felt as though I had to to maintain my status among my peers.
It seems as though that society wants me to do the same thing now that I am an adult. I am supposed to accept what culture says is right, and I am encouraged to raise my future children in that same manner. Five years ago, I would have had no problem with that, but my convictions have changed since my last few birthdays. I have learned that the only person I need accepting from is my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have come to terms with the fact that my opinions aren't your typical ones because I stand firmly on the fact that God dictates most all of them.
Now, I'm not saying that all of my decisions are Christ-centered or even Scripturely-based. I usually fail at being the person God sees me as, the one He saved when I was a mere ten years old. However, as a wife, former teacher, young woman, parent-to-be, Christian, I have to stand on His Word, even when that means I don't agree with my friends, relatives, and even this United States in which I live.
Decisions are always hard. God tends to make them especially easy. That's probably why I've been so torn lately over whether or not to even state my opinion regarding the state our country is in. Just the other day, I made a comment about not voting for Obama but praying wholeheartedly for him. That is my duty as a citizen in this great nation; I support him because I have to uphold my service, most importantly, as a Christian. I also commented that I wasn't particularly thrilled with a particular policy he had already made in his four, short days as President. That's my right. I am allowed to stand for the same things my FATHER would.
Choice? I'm not sure what that means anymore in the age I live in. People make choices all of the time that are so far away from what I would do. That's not the point. The fact of the matter is that every choice we make will affect others. There are consequences and reactions to those choices, and yet, this world tells us that every choice can be fixed.
Bailouts. Abortion. Homosexuality. All of these are an "okay" choice today in this society. IT IS A TOTAL LIE. You can choose any of these, and the outcome will still be the same. We, this nation, this people, grow further and further away from God with every CHOICE we seem to be making. Why not make the choice of saving money and not spending what we do not have? Why not make the choice to remain abstinent until marriage? Why not make the choice to live as God would have us, as one man and one woman commited for life? WHY NOT?!
Those are the choices I wish I would have been taught in school (not just at home or in church). I wish that my culture hadn't bombarded me with commercials and movies that told me it was completely acceptable to live however I chose. I wish that I would have known then what I know now. Why does this happen? Because we often tell kids and each other that going against the Word of God is OKAY even when it's not. Walk into a classroom of 6-7 year olds; they'll tell you what sex is, what drugs are, and what gay means. They know already, and it's our fault. We've fallen away from God, and we have chosen things that were never His intention.
I have always tried to keep this blog strictly as my daily personal experiences, and I have never intentionally tried to offend anyone by the thoughts I've written so openly. However, I imagine this particular post may offend some, and even turn others away from reading. Let me say that it is not my purpose to offend you or upset you to anger. I simply write because I am hurt, disappointed, and worried about the future my child is being born into. I appreciate your reading, and do not intend to make this blog a political one. I simply want to be one who's leading others toward Christ. If I have succeeded in doing so, then to God be all of the glory.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
This Road I'm On... (Birthdays Come and Go)
Like the cars I have driven and places I have traveled, it seems like things are really different this year. When I look back at where I was last year on my twenty-fifth birthday, I realize that God was just preparing me for the year ahead. From being pregnant with my first child not knowing I'd lose it and making school my first priority unaware I would be leaving it, God was just getting me ready for the road ahead. I was naive and expected everything to simply fall into the seat beside me. That's not exactly what He had in store for my journey.
God has made clear His path for me. I know exactly where I am supposed to be on this birthday. Yes, I have lost a child, left a job, longed for a Master's degree, and questioned whether I had any faith at all. That's what all happened in this past year. God makes things so uncertain, yet His directions are so easy to read. It's just I never really took the time to read them. Last year, I would just set out on any trip I pleased without once looking at what may be in front of me.
Here I am, twenty-six years old today, and I have learned that the road I was on isn't the same as the road I'm headed down now. My life is focused on the things it should be. I'm not concerned about a career, furthering it, or even worried about my faith. I have no choice but to put complete trust in the Lord at this point. Everything is different now. I am again pregnant, yet this time around, I actually know that my baby boy is living and kicking. I stay at home, only because the Lord has allowed me to do so. I read His word, and I see His face in every situation I face. This journey is worth all I have.
I'm thankful that I'm not always in the driver's seat. Sometimes, it is an amazing feeling to simply be a passenger and allow God to take the wheel. He's led me every mile thus far, and I have no doubt that He's continuing to do so now... Birthdays, they come and go, but my God, He is forever.
God has made clear His path for me. I know exactly where I am supposed to be on this birthday. Yes, I have lost a child, left a job, longed for a Master's degree, and questioned whether I had any faith at all. That's what all happened in this past year. God makes things so uncertain, yet His directions are so easy to read. It's just I never really took the time to read them. Last year, I would just set out on any trip I pleased without once looking at what may be in front of me.
Here I am, twenty-six years old today, and I have learned that the road I was on isn't the same as the road I'm headed down now. My life is focused on the things it should be. I'm not concerned about a career, furthering it, or even worried about my faith. I have no choice but to put complete trust in the Lord at this point. Everything is different now. I am again pregnant, yet this time around, I actually know that my baby boy is living and kicking. I stay at home, only because the Lord has allowed me to do so. I read His word, and I see His face in every situation I face. This journey is worth all I have.
I'm thankful that I'm not always in the driver's seat. Sometimes, it is an amazing feeling to simply be a passenger and allow God to take the wheel. He's led me every mile thus far, and I have no doubt that He's continuing to do so now... Birthdays, they come and go, but my God, He is forever.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Twenty-Six
Twenty-six years ago this week, my mother had little idea that I was breech. She went for her last appointment with the doctor before having me, and looking back, she realizes now that the doctor was actually feeling my rear end instead of my head. She was nine months pregnant with her first child, yet she had no idea the seriousness of what was at stake.
Twenty-six years ago next week, when my parents arrived at the hospital, my mom was surprised when the doctor told her that she needed to deliver C-section. Turns out that there was no other option, and because of the position I was in, my hip was dislocated. For six months following my birth, I wore a brace to ensure that my hip would heal correctly.
Twenty-six weeks today, and I cannot imagine what this tiny being within me is like. I cannot fathom what his facial expressions might be or what bothers him within the womb. I cannot help him when he's uncomfortable, and I cannot soothe him the way I wish I could just yet. Oh, I feel his kicks, turns, and swirls, and I cannot understand why God would bless me this much.
Next week I'll be turning twenty-six years old, and I'll be twenty-six weeks along in my second pregnancy with my first known son. It's unreal to me. It is truly awe-inspiring. There are moments, like my mother, in which I wish I knew what was taking place within. As I've endured the loss of the first pregnancy, I have learned that I love not knowing. For if I did, my emotions would overwhelm me and I wouldn't enjoy this the way I am. I am blessed. I am incredibly blessed.
Twenty-six years ago next week, when my parents arrived at the hospital, my mom was surprised when the doctor told her that she needed to deliver C-section. Turns out that there was no other option, and because of the position I was in, my hip was dislocated. For six months following my birth, I wore a brace to ensure that my hip would heal correctly.
Twenty-six weeks today, and I cannot imagine what this tiny being within me is like. I cannot fathom what his facial expressions might be or what bothers him within the womb. I cannot help him when he's uncomfortable, and I cannot soothe him the way I wish I could just yet. Oh, I feel his kicks, turns, and swirls, and I cannot understand why God would bless me this much.
Next week I'll be turning twenty-six years old, and I'll be twenty-six weeks along in my second pregnancy with my first known son. It's unreal to me. It is truly awe-inspiring. There are moments, like my mother, in which I wish I knew what was taking place within. As I've endured the loss of the first pregnancy, I have learned that I love not knowing. For if I did, my emotions would overwhelm me and I wouldn't enjoy this the way I am. I am blessed. I am incredibly blessed.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Shiny and New
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Opening the front door, peeking inside, I saw the newness of what awaited me. New carpet. New fixtures and faucets. New, fresh paint. New bulbs. Newness just surrounded me. It was one of the most exciting times of my life, having bought our first home together just two weeks before we were married. I breathed in the new smells and stared at the new sights, and without one single complaint, I reveled in what the Lord had given me. Everything was new.
The days and months passed, and the new walls became scratched and nail pops began to show. The new carpet looked as though it was twenty years old. Those once-new fixtures and faucets were needing plumbing and examining. I look back to just a little over twenty months ago and remember how quickly newness comes to an end.
I find myself wishing we were in a new house again, that our marriage was still new, and that life was altogether new. Unfortunately, none of them are. They might not, in any way, be old, but they aren't brand new any more. I see how things change in front of my very eyes. From my best friend's baby to my grandfather's age, nothing remains new. Addy, at just two months old, has started laughing and rolling. My Pop recalls more often these days what his life was like years ago. See, nothing can stay the same.
That is, except for Jesus Christ. In Revelation, we see just how NEW life in Christ is, as it states, "Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful (Revelation 21:5).” It's hard for us to understand that things can always be new, but with God they are. From the dawning of each new day to His mercies that are new every morning, life with the Lord is NEW!
And exactly how do I know this? Well, let me tell you that my house may not be new, but it is a home. It will be a brand new home for the new baby who will be entering it in this new year. The new year brings forth opportunities for all of us with new jobs and new talents that God has waiting in store. Those new abilities will be used to make new relationships with those new co-workers. Just think, those new friends may not know the new life they can have in Christ. What a New Year that would be!
With the holidays practically over and those new gifts finding scratches, tears, and their own closet space, there is reason to focus our minds on what really matters in this life. It isn't the new house, car, or job we find ourselves in; it is the relationship we have with our Lord, Jesus Christ. Life without Him is old. In this New Year, take the time to realize the newness we have in Jesus, and cherish it more than any new thing you are given.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Opening the front door, peeking inside, I saw the newness of what awaited me. New carpet. New fixtures and faucets. New, fresh paint. New bulbs. Newness just surrounded me. It was one of the most exciting times of my life, having bought our first home together just two weeks before we were married. I breathed in the new smells and stared at the new sights, and without one single complaint, I reveled in what the Lord had given me. Everything was new.
The days and months passed, and the new walls became scratched and nail pops began to show. The new carpet looked as though it was twenty years old. Those once-new fixtures and faucets were needing plumbing and examining. I look back to just a little over twenty months ago and remember how quickly newness comes to an end.
I find myself wishing we were in a new house again, that our marriage was still new, and that life was altogether new. Unfortunately, none of them are. They might not, in any way, be old, but they aren't brand new any more. I see how things change in front of my very eyes. From my best friend's baby to my grandfather's age, nothing remains new. Addy, at just two months old, has started laughing and rolling. My Pop recalls more often these days what his life was like years ago. See, nothing can stay the same.
That is, except for Jesus Christ. In Revelation, we see just how NEW life in Christ is, as it states, "Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful (Revelation 21:5).” It's hard for us to understand that things can always be new, but with God they are. From the dawning of each new day to His mercies that are new every morning, life with the Lord is NEW!
And exactly how do I know this? Well, let me tell you that my house may not be new, but it is a home. It will be a brand new home for the new baby who will be entering it in this new year. The new year brings forth opportunities for all of us with new jobs and new talents that God has waiting in store. Those new abilities will be used to make new relationships with those new co-workers. Just think, those new friends may not know the new life they can have in Christ. What a New Year that would be!
With the holidays practically over and those new gifts finding scratches, tears, and their own closet space, there is reason to focus our minds on what really matters in this life. It isn't the new house, car, or job we find ourselves in; it is the relationship we have with our Lord, Jesus Christ. Life without Him is old. In this New Year, take the time to realize the newness we have in Jesus, and cherish it more than any new thing you are given.
Monday, November 17, 2008
He Chooses Me
Crashing waves. They seem to be all around me. It seems as if my life is caught in a storm, and I am not sure that I will survive it. The rain keeps coming and the winds are stronger than I could imagine, and yet the amazing peace of God is in the midst of it all.
Fear seems to overtake me at moments like these. Times when it is more difficult than not to know where we are going or what God has in store. Times when I do not know why this boat was for me.
Isn't that life? It seems as if there is always something changing. Life is so inconsistent when all I am looking for is one little piece of normal, and yet the waves continue to toss. I don't know why I expect this. It was evident this past weekend as we were in Gatlinburg how life changes so quickly. When we arrived in the mountains on Thursday the 13th, it was 70 degrees, and in fact, I had on a t-shirt which was almost too hot. As we woke on the day of our departure, we had an inch of snow on the ground. Nothing stays the same.
My husband and I have learned all about storms, and how they can incredibly distort your ways of thinking. Just since January of this year alone, the ship we've been on has been a rough ride. We have learned we were pregnant, lost the child to miscarriage, left my teaching job, grieved the loss of Brian's father, become pregnant for a second time, endured Brian's sweet cousin's brain surgery, and resigned from a church that we dearly love. I know everyone has journeys like these, and yet I cannot help but wonder what we are supposed to learn from being on board this particular ship.
And yet, I'm so thankful for it all. I'm so thankful that God decided to give and take my first child; it makes Heaven so much sweeter knowing that we have a perfect gift awaiting us. I am so grateful to have left my job; I would have never been able to support my husband or find the gifts that God had given me without leaving there. Losing a loved one has taught me to love much more deeply; the sudden loss of Brian's dad has left an impression that RIGHT NOW is my chance to love. Hayden's surgery has been one of the most traumatic events our family has faced, and yet it has made me realize how BIG God is; I've watched my Lord in the hands of surgeons and in the eyes of a 5-year-old child, and I see that my God is triumphant in every way. I'm honored to say that God has blessed me with a second pregnancy; I don't know that anyone could understand why the pregnancy itself is such a miracle to me. But I've learned to hold onto something that isn't in my arms, and I've seen its heart beat as only God could allow. We have had to step out and leave a church where our hearts were; God speaks so clearly and yet it is the hardest thing to say goodbye when you weren't exactly preparing for it. We also now are learning what blind faith really is, and I'm grateful for that. I have never been so certain of anything despite neither of us having a job or a place to call our own; these waves continue to surround me and I am at peace.
How is that? How can I have peace when all I feel is that I have no control of the stern? Well, I don't know exactly how to answer that. I would be lying if I said I wasn't fearful, because I am in some ways. I fear that money will get too tight or that I'll never hold this baby in my arms; it frightens me to think that I don't know where we're going or if this is all there is. I will admit that the waves overwhelm me, but I KNOW in whom I BELIEVE. He is at the head of this boat I'm on, and He is my Captain. No matter which storm I encounter, my Lord knows what is right. He knows which way I need to go. He realizes that these waves are best for me and no one else. He chooses me. These storms were made just for me, and I'm beyond thrilled to ride them out.
Fear seems to overtake me at moments like these. Times when it is more difficult than not to know where we are going or what God has in store. Times when I do not know why this boat was for me.
Isn't that life? It seems as if there is always something changing. Life is so inconsistent when all I am looking for is one little piece of normal, and yet the waves continue to toss. I don't know why I expect this. It was evident this past weekend as we were in Gatlinburg how life changes so quickly. When we arrived in the mountains on Thursday the 13th, it was 70 degrees, and in fact, I had on a t-shirt which was almost too hot. As we woke on the day of our departure, we had an inch of snow on the ground. Nothing stays the same.
My husband and I have learned all about storms, and how they can incredibly distort your ways of thinking. Just since January of this year alone, the ship we've been on has been a rough ride. We have learned we were pregnant, lost the child to miscarriage, left my teaching job, grieved the loss of Brian's father, become pregnant for a second time, endured Brian's sweet cousin's brain surgery, and resigned from a church that we dearly love. I know everyone has journeys like these, and yet I cannot help but wonder what we are supposed to learn from being on board this particular ship.
And yet, I'm so thankful for it all. I'm so thankful that God decided to give and take my first child; it makes Heaven so much sweeter knowing that we have a perfect gift awaiting us. I am so grateful to have left my job; I would have never been able to support my husband or find the gifts that God had given me without leaving there. Losing a loved one has taught me to love much more deeply; the sudden loss of Brian's dad has left an impression that RIGHT NOW is my chance to love. Hayden's surgery has been one of the most traumatic events our family has faced, and yet it has made me realize how BIG God is; I've watched my Lord in the hands of surgeons and in the eyes of a 5-year-old child, and I see that my God is triumphant in every way. I'm honored to say that God has blessed me with a second pregnancy; I don't know that anyone could understand why the pregnancy itself is such a miracle to me. But I've learned to hold onto something that isn't in my arms, and I've seen its heart beat as only God could allow. We have had to step out and leave a church where our hearts were; God speaks so clearly and yet it is the hardest thing to say goodbye when you weren't exactly preparing for it. We also now are learning what blind faith really is, and I'm grateful for that. I have never been so certain of anything despite neither of us having a job or a place to call our own; these waves continue to surround me and I am at peace.
How is that? How can I have peace when all I feel is that I have no control of the stern? Well, I don't know exactly how to answer that. I would be lying if I said I wasn't fearful, because I am in some ways. I fear that money will get too tight or that I'll never hold this baby in my arms; it frightens me to think that I don't know where we're going or if this is all there is. I will admit that the waves overwhelm me, but I KNOW in whom I BELIEVE. He is at the head of this boat I'm on, and He is my Captain. No matter which storm I encounter, my Lord knows what is right. He knows which way I need to go. He realizes that these waves are best for me and no one else. He chooses me. These storms were made just for me, and I'm beyond thrilled to ride them out.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Leap of Faith
Therefore they said to him, “How were your eyes opened?” He answered and said, “A Man called Jesus made mud and anointed my eyes and said to me, ‘Go to the pool of Siloam and wash.’ So I went and washed, and I received sight.”
John 9:10-11
Jumping into puddles was SO easy when I was a child. It would thrill me, after each storm, to run through these little miracles God had left behind. The mud and the drops that splattered onto my legs never bothered me at all. Turns out I'm not a child anymore, and the truth is every spot irritates me to no end.
The mud on my legs has been quite evident lately. It's been no question to those of you who know me what I've been covered with. You know how my heart aches and what it is I've been longing for, and yet none of those things have come to pass. The puddles continue to pile up around me, and my heart longs for an escape from them all.
Instead of taking these "acts of God" head on, I've tiptoed around them. I've been so scared of getting dirty. I've been clinging to my clean clothes and worrying that the stains that may have found themselves splattered into my life would never come out.
The stains life leaves behind usually cannot be washed away. As they settle into the fabric of who we are, God has no intention of you doing His laundry. He simply uses each spot as a testament of who He is and how faithful we are. Will we spend load after load trying to rid ourselves of these blots, or will we simply trust that He is God and has a special purpose for each blemish?
With all of this in mind, I have quickly learned that each puddle is made for me. I can either run straight through it, wallow in the mud, or tiptoe around the water. There aren't many other options... Dirty may be the only way I can come out, but dirty is what I am, a simple sinner saved by God's grace. God's using the mud to clean me up. Romans 8:28 says that, "All things work together for good to them that love God..." ALL THINGS. Every single puddle. Each spot of mud. He uses them all.
Instead of spending my days avoiding the puddles that life brings me, I should take them head on, full force, and wait for the cleaning. I've realized that maybe God hasn't intended for me to have exactly what I want. All these things I've been stained with are preparing me for the future. Right now is not the future. What God had in store for my life was a brand new puddle, and it's going to take a lot of mud to get through.
I'm plunging straight into college. Not motherhood, not teaching, not housework... College.
I have applied to an Online Elementary Education Master's program from Western Kentucky University and if accepted, will begin classes on Monday, August 25th. Yes, it sounds strange. It's proably crossed your mind that I just washed my hands of teaching a little over three months ago... But God wasn't completely finished. He wanted me to go back, get my hands dirty, and love learning all over again... Here it is, one of the biggest puddles I've faced, and yet the only way around this one is a leap of faith...
John 9:10-11
Jumping into puddles was SO easy when I was a child. It would thrill me, after each storm, to run through these little miracles God had left behind. The mud and the drops that splattered onto my legs never bothered me at all. Turns out I'm not a child anymore, and the truth is every spot irritates me to no end.
The mud on my legs has been quite evident lately. It's been no question to those of you who know me what I've been covered with. You know how my heart aches and what it is I've been longing for, and yet none of those things have come to pass. The puddles continue to pile up around me, and my heart longs for an escape from them all.
Instead of taking these "acts of God" head on, I've tiptoed around them. I've been so scared of getting dirty. I've been clinging to my clean clothes and worrying that the stains that may have found themselves splattered into my life would never come out.
The stains life leaves behind usually cannot be washed away. As they settle into the fabric of who we are, God has no intention of you doing His laundry. He simply uses each spot as a testament of who He is and how faithful we are. Will we spend load after load trying to rid ourselves of these blots, or will we simply trust that He is God and has a special purpose for each blemish?
With all of this in mind, I have quickly learned that each puddle is made for me. I can either run straight through it, wallow in the mud, or tiptoe around the water. There aren't many other options... Dirty may be the only way I can come out, but dirty is what I am, a simple sinner saved by God's grace. God's using the mud to clean me up. Romans 8:28 says that, "All things work together for good to them that love God..." ALL THINGS. Every single puddle. Each spot of mud. He uses them all.
Instead of spending my days avoiding the puddles that life brings me, I should take them head on, full force, and wait for the cleaning. I've realized that maybe God hasn't intended for me to have exactly what I want. All these things I've been stained with are preparing me for the future. Right now is not the future. What God had in store for my life was a brand new puddle, and it's going to take a lot of mud to get through.
I'm plunging straight into college. Not motherhood, not teaching, not housework... College.
I have applied to an Online Elementary Education Master's program from Western Kentucky University and if accepted, will begin classes on Monday, August 25th. Yes, it sounds strange. It's proably crossed your mind that I just washed my hands of teaching a little over three months ago... But God wasn't completely finished. He wanted me to go back, get my hands dirty, and love learning all over again... Here it is, one of the biggest puddles I've faced, and yet the only way around this one is a leap of faith...
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Longing to Love Again
I thought of you today...
What you were wearing and how the sun would have been touching your face. I imagined the smile you might have and how you would be enjoying yourself. I wondered how you had changed and how long it had been since I held you. I couldn't wait to love you. I thought about the next few days and weeks. What it would mean to see you again. To hold you tighter than ever before, and to know without a shadow of doubt that you were the greatest gift in my life.
I also thought of what used to be...
How we almost had him. How we are Heavenly parents. How excited and scared we were when we knew he was coming. How our hearts broke and how hard we were on each other when we realized he was gone. I thought about how we told all of our friends and family and how crazy all of that was.
I also pictured what is to come...
I thought about how one day, very soon, I will hold you closer than the last time. The surprises I have in store for you, the summer we will spend serving Christ, the days with our family, and the nights alone with one another. Those are things I can't wait for.
And though, I've spent the first part of this year missing our child, I realized today that nothing is harder than missing you... You are my best friend, and life without you doesn't make sense. I am so ready to see your face again.
"...When I found him, whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go..." (Song of Solomon 3:4)
What you were wearing and how the sun would have been touching your face. I imagined the smile you might have and how you would be enjoying yourself. I wondered how you had changed and how long it had been since I held you. I couldn't wait to love you. I thought about the next few days and weeks. What it would mean to see you again. To hold you tighter than ever before, and to know without a shadow of doubt that you were the greatest gift in my life.
I also thought of what used to be...
How we almost had him. How we are Heavenly parents. How excited and scared we were when we knew he was coming. How our hearts broke and how hard we were on each other when we realized he was gone. I thought about how we told all of our friends and family and how crazy all of that was.
I also pictured what is to come...
I thought about how one day, very soon, I will hold you closer than the last time. The surprises I have in store for you, the summer we will spend serving Christ, the days with our family, and the nights alone with one another. Those are things I can't wait for.
And though, I've spent the first part of this year missing our child, I realized today that nothing is harder than missing you... You are my best friend, and life without you doesn't make sense. I am so ready to see your face again.
"...When I found him, whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go..." (Song of Solomon 3:4)
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