A Little Birthday Message from My Big God

I remember last year on my birthday how sad my heart was...

I had driven alone to my uncle, Gerald's grave, as we shared our birthdays on the same day, and last year was the first birthday I didn't have him to call. What a hard change that was! One I have never truly understood.

I remember receiving a phone call as I was leaving the gravesite, one that I truly needed as that trip was so difficult.

I remember just the following day last year that everything changed. That simple phone call had meant more than just a birthday wish. The voice on the other line met me the next night and we found out that there was something more...

I remember thinking that nothing would ever be the same, and I was right because it hasn't. I've gotten engaged in only 8 days to my pastor, spent 4 hours at Target making a registry, bought our first home, planned a wedding and married him just 2 months later, visited the Grand Canyon, saw the most extravagant wedding in Abilene, Texas, spent an entire summer together, lost my Nana to Alzheimer's, was the most lonely I'd ever been as he left for Alaska, was overjoyed and saddened when he had to return the next day for his Grandaddy's death, spent 8 hours in the hospital with a ruptured cyst, missed the first week of school, changed medications, stayed weak from the cyst, missed more school, were Fishermen for Halloween in the name of our Savior, had Thanksgiving at our house, planned a overscheduled Christmas season, and just then had things started feeling normal.

I remember thinking that I couldn't be pregnant. Oh, I know, if you're not preventing then you're only waiting... And here I am, in for the biggest change of our lives.

I look back at the life God has given me and I see how intricately beautiful it has been. I realize that life was never about me, and that it was simply all for the glory of my Lord. Those things that have happened weren't to see how much I could take, but how much I would lift up God in every change and situation I faced.

I failed... often. There have been many times that I couldn't understand why this or that was happening, and I would simply deny the fact that my God was in control. Looking at it now, it's so evident to me that God was there every step of the way. How amazing that is to me!

I know now that my heart should have never sank last year on my birthday...

It was just another opportunity for God to shine through and make the necessary changes in my life. I am more thankful for this birthday than any before. Yes, maybe it's because I'm married to the most wonderful man, or because our first child is on its way, or maybe because I'm 25 and things seem normal. But they won't stay this way, and I realize that... That's why the truth is clear. It's always been God, never has it been me that my life is all about. What am I going to do with it?