Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Calling Me... Home.

I have been called many things in my life, and in that time, I have also been called to do many things I wasn't quite ready or necessarily equipped to accomplish.  However, it was in the process of accepting the calling that I realized that God didn't expect me to have it all figured out.  He only wanted me to answer His calling.

Per His calling, I have knelt at an altar and begged for forgiveness of my sins.  I have ended relationships that He didn't approve.  I have walked away from friendships that weren't good for me.  I have resigned from what I thought were perfect positions because God had even better things planned.  I have started what-seemed-strange-to-others projects, felt burdened to make random phone calls, and was led to go from single to engaged in eight days to my pastor.  These things wouldn't have been possible without God.

I stand in a place of calling again...  except this time, God is calling me to a place that I already am.  I understand fully how weird that sounds, but the Lord is leading me HOME.

In 2008, He made it clear that I was to leave my wonderful teaching position to come home, but it didn't make sense to me at the time.  I wasn't coming home to babies.  In fact, I had just miscarried our first child.  I was heartbroken, but I realized His calling was more important than my understanding.  In my own will, I enrolled in a Master's program, but just in time, God answered that misstep of mine with a positive pregnancy test.  I stayed home with all three of our sons and have been blessed by that opportunity!  In 2013, as our first born was about to enter pre-kindergarten in his Mother's Day Out program, his director actually asked me to take on the position as the pre-K teacher.  While I didn't think anything of it at first, my husband and I knew God wanted me to, so I accepted the position.  I loved teaching my son and my friends' children!  I saw firsthand how important the younger years were and how valuable instilling godly traits into our children was in that first year there.

The start to this school year (2014) was no different.  I was teaching pre-K, and our second son was in my class.  Our energetic first born started Kindergarten, and I was so excited for him that I could bust, having been a former Kindergarten teacher.  It came as a surprise when he didn't enjoy school...  he focused intently on the behavior chart, the language and attitudes of others, and questioned his own self.  My heart became burdened.  I couldn't understand why he didn't love the thing I adored...  until I began to pray.

Our son would make statements about wanting me to be his teacher, wishing he was still in my class, using our dinner table as our "school" table, etc.  I didn't know where he was getting these ideas, but I began to listen to what he was saying rather than ignore them.  I also started listening to what God was saying.  He was making His ways clear and His paths for our family straight, but I didn't want to see them.

I continued teaching pre-K and sending our son to Kindergarten, but he'd wake in tears and come home with attitude and changed behavior.  I know without a doubt God was using these things to change my heart, because He knew how much this teacher likes school.  He was helping me to see that I needed to love my children and God's needs for them MUCH more.

Through the month of December 2014, I heard God calling.  He was calling me away from my treasured position at Mother's Day Out.  He was calling our family away from public school which I support as a former educator.  God was calling me home.  He was calling me to step out in faith to homeschool our children, trust Him with our education, and believe that He can help me to teach and train them diligently as instructed in Deuteronomy 6:4-7:

The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

So, I listened to the Lord.  I resigned from my position at MDO in January 2015 with the best response I could have ever imagined from our beloved director and friend.  I enrolled our son in a homeschool academy and purchased curriculum.  I informed his public school and teacher who were extremely understanding.  I have seen God orchestrate all of the details to perfection.

It hasn't been easy on my heart though, and I am sure the journey I have ahead of me will be a challenging one.  However, I have chosen obedience when I begin to question His plan.  I have decided to rest in His peace and let His Word comfort me when the idea of homeschooling becomes overwhelming.  The best place I have found in all of this is in the center of God's will, and for me right now, I realize that He is calling me...  to come HOME.