Be anxious for nothing...
Philippians 4:6
I can remember counting down the days until my sixteenth birthday; I could not wait to FINALLY see what car my daddy had chosen for me. I vividly recall marking down the days until high school graduation; I had bought my dress a little over 2 months before that night in complete excitement. I even laugh when I think back to waiting ever so impatiently for my two-month engagement to move quickly on to the wedding day; I was so pumped to wear that dress, marry that man, and live happily ever after.
Even with all of the excitement when countdowns begin, I have the hardest time being patient. I actually noticed today that I have been pregnant for 260 days. Let me make that clear, TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY DAYS. That's progressively close to a year, and yet, all of this waiting, no matter how amazing the outcome, has been incredibly difficult on me.
Why is it that waiting for good things becomes such a tremendous task? Why is it that we begin to complain when the days do not go swiftly by? Why is it that patience is such a tough virtue to obtain?
I have learned that the waiting is only preparing me for what lies ahead. I imagine that once I hold this little miracle in my arms for the first time, that I will forget about the tirelessly, miserable days of waiting I have endured. I want to be able to enjoy the counting down. I want to remember these days for the rest of my life. I want to know that I was absolutely enthralled by the gift God was about to give me.
I cannot tell you how long I waited for that first car. It would take days for me to even remember what the last days of high school were like. It is hard for me to look back in detail on what all I experienced that beautiful March day in 2007 when I married my best friend. I imagine that once this countdown ends and Elijah is here, I will have forgotten about these last days of pregnancy I have come to dread.
God has prepared this time just for me. The countdown has only just begun. The Lord has so much more in store for me. How patient will I be to wait on His blessings? I'm not sure. But I'm ready, and I am so excited to share all of it with you.
Just 20 days from him,
Jenna
Showing posts with label Elijah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Elijah. Show all posts
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Kind of Son I Hope to Have
I have imagined for eight, long months what my son will be like. I have envisioned his smile, pictured his nose, imagined his hair, and thought about his character. I have learned that he is a night owl and does not enjoy sitting still. He has energy like no one I know, and he is big, healthy, and strong. That is about all I know. However, I cannot help but wonder what he will really be like when he arrives. I cannot fathom what he may be like as a little boy running around in the backyard with his daddy, and I cannot wait to see, if the Lord allows, what he'll be when he grows up to be an adult. But this past week, I was honored to watch a young man be the kind of son I hope to one day have.
He was handsome. He dressed in his brightly-colored shirts and ties, and he stood tall in front of a group of innumerous people. He smiled with grace and dignity. His piercing, blue eyes, filled with tears as he often looked straight into mine.
He believed in prayer. He began sending emails as soon as he received the call that his 48-year-old mother had passed. He knew that the only things he truly needed were the prayers of saints and his heavenly Father. He stopped often throughout the week to pray; it was so encouraging and humbling to see his love for God.
He laughed wholeheartedly. He told stories of days past and recollected on the many memories with his mom. He joked about her quirky attitude and her stubborn ways. He grinned as he found things she had kept for years that he had given her.
He wept. I don't know many who didn't, but as he preached his mother's funeral, tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn't just crying because she was gone, he was devastated over all the lost family members in the chapel. He wasn't afraid to grieve or to show that he loved her by the teardrops streaming down his face.
He was strong. Oh, I cannot explain this fully, but imagine having just lost your grandfather, a baby, and father in less than two years and facing the death of your mother as well. He was so amazing in her absence. He held his sister, and he brought loving words to each of the 400+ people who entered the funeral home doors.
He remembered it all. He wore bright colors because his mother always loved them. He wanted the room filled with beautiful arrangements because she adored them. He asked for certain songs and particular people to be included in the funeral on her behalf. He recollected her favorite foods, endearing ways, and fascinating personality. It was if he hadn't forgotten a single day he'd had with her.
I wish I could spend days explaining how this man is exactly how I hope my soon-to-arrive son is, but I pray this is enough:
Elijah, when you find yourself looking for someone to be like or a person to model your life after, choose Jesus, and if that's too hard to do, sweet boy, look no further than your daddy. He'll lead you to Jesus, and he'll make sure you see who He longs to be like, his Lord. He loves you more than you know, and He longs to see you saved. Yes, your daddy is exactly the kind of son I hope you are, and I know his momma was proud to have.
In Memory of Brian's Momma and Elijah's Nana,
Cindy J. Johnson
April 9, 1960 - March 9, 2009
He was handsome. He dressed in his brightly-colored shirts and ties, and he stood tall in front of a group of innumerous people. He smiled with grace and dignity. His piercing, blue eyes, filled with tears as he often looked straight into mine.
He believed in prayer. He began sending emails as soon as he received the call that his 48-year-old mother had passed. He knew that the only things he truly needed were the prayers of saints and his heavenly Father. He stopped often throughout the week to pray; it was so encouraging and humbling to see his love for God.
He laughed wholeheartedly. He told stories of days past and recollected on the many memories with his mom. He joked about her quirky attitude and her stubborn ways. He grinned as he found things she had kept for years that he had given her.
He wept. I don't know many who didn't, but as he preached his mother's funeral, tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn't just crying because she was gone, he was devastated over all the lost family members in the chapel. He wasn't afraid to grieve or to show that he loved her by the teardrops streaming down his face.
He was strong. Oh, I cannot explain this fully, but imagine having just lost your grandfather, a baby, and father in less than two years and facing the death of your mother as well. He was so amazing in her absence. He held his sister, and he brought loving words to each of the 400+ people who entered the funeral home doors.
He remembered it all. He wore bright colors because his mother always loved them. He wanted the room filled with beautiful arrangements because she adored them. He asked for certain songs and particular people to be included in the funeral on her behalf. He recollected her favorite foods, endearing ways, and fascinating personality. It was if he hadn't forgotten a single day he'd had with her.
I wish I could spend days explaining how this man is exactly how I hope my soon-to-arrive son is, but I pray this is enough:
Elijah, when you find yourself looking for someone to be like or a person to model your life after, choose Jesus, and if that's too hard to do, sweet boy, look no further than your daddy. He'll lead you to Jesus, and he'll make sure you see who He longs to be like, his Lord. He loves you more than you know, and He longs to see you saved. Yes, your daddy is exactly the kind of son I hope you are, and I know his momma was proud to have.
In Memory of Brian's Momma and Elijah's Nana,
Cindy J. Johnson
April 9, 1960 - March 9, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I Saw You Today...
Sweet boy,
I have dreamed of you. I have both seen your face and heard your cries in my sleep. I have imagined how you might smell and what color your hair will be. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.
Yet I feared the worse. After losing your brother just weeks after he was conceived, I worried that the same might happen to you. I have held my breath for weeks as you continued to grow. I have thought that maybe I wouldn't be able to hold you because God had decided to take your brother.
Oh, how I have prayed that you are okay. I have pictured your eyes and the color they might be. I have heard your strong heartbeat and cried tears of joy when I felt your first kick. I cannot help but laugh at each hiccup because I know you are doing well. Every time you are awake, I think of how it will be when you are finally here... in our arms.
Your daddy and I cannot wait to meet you. We plan to teach you about God and how amazing He is. We want to tell you how your Lord loves you and how He has given you the breath you will someday take. We want you to understand that though we are your parents, it is God who is your Father. He loves you more than we ever could, yet we are going to attempt to care for you the way He would intend.
Elijah, it was today that I learned that you are perfect. Yes, the doctor says you have fluid around your kidneys, and that it may cause problems. I will not fear; my Father is busy knitting you inside of me. He is molding you into a wonderful child of His own. He sees you as a jewel; He even thinks more of you than the flowers you will someday smell.
As we watched you squirm and wiggle your way through your little world, I saw how amazing you truly are. I saw your hands and toes. I saw your arms and legs. I saw your eyes open and then close. I saw you, and your little face looked just like mine. That is a miracle, baby boy; you are a miracle. No matter what comes our way, little one, in my eyes, you will always be a perfect baby that is fearfully and wonderfully made by my God.
Please know that your mommy and daddy love you so much. We are so blessed to even have the opportunity to anticipate your arrival. Be it April 13 or 24 (because the doctors are not sure with as big of a baby as you are already), we cannot wait to hold you in our arms. But, if by chance, we do not get to meet face to similar face, we will look forward to holding you when we get to Heaven with you. Like I said before, as much as we love you, there is someone who loves you so much more. It is because of Him that I saw YOU today.
With all of my love,
Mommy
My precious, Elijah Thomas at 28 Weeks
I have dreamed of you. I have both seen your face and heard your cries in my sleep. I have imagined how you might smell and what color your hair will be. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.
Yet I feared the worse. After losing your brother just weeks after he was conceived, I worried that the same might happen to you. I have held my breath for weeks as you continued to grow. I have thought that maybe I wouldn't be able to hold you because God had decided to take your brother.
Oh, how I have prayed that you are okay. I have pictured your eyes and the color they might be. I have heard your strong heartbeat and cried tears of joy when I felt your first kick. I cannot help but laugh at each hiccup because I know you are doing well. Every time you are awake, I think of how it will be when you are finally here... in our arms.
Your daddy and I cannot wait to meet you. We plan to teach you about God and how amazing He is. We want to tell you how your Lord loves you and how He has given you the breath you will someday take. We want you to understand that though we are your parents, it is God who is your Father. He loves you more than we ever could, yet we are going to attempt to care for you the way He would intend.
Elijah, it was today that I learned that you are perfect. Yes, the doctor says you have fluid around your kidneys, and that it may cause problems. I will not fear; my Father is busy knitting you inside of me. He is molding you into a wonderful child of His own. He sees you as a jewel; He even thinks more of you than the flowers you will someday smell.
As we watched you squirm and wiggle your way through your little world, I saw how amazing you truly are. I saw your hands and toes. I saw your arms and legs. I saw your eyes open and then close. I saw you, and your little face looked just like mine. That is a miracle, baby boy; you are a miracle. No matter what comes our way, little one, in my eyes, you will always be a perfect baby that is fearfully and wonderfully made by my God.
Please know that your mommy and daddy love you so much. We are so blessed to even have the opportunity to anticipate your arrival. Be it April 13 or 24 (because the doctors are not sure with as big of a baby as you are already), we cannot wait to hold you in our arms. But, if by chance, we do not get to meet face to similar face, we will look forward to holding you when we get to Heaven with you. Like I said before, as much as we love you, there is someone who loves you so much more. It is because of Him that I saw YOU today.
With all of my love,
Mommy
Monday, January 26, 2009
Choice. What Exactly Does That Mean?
I have struggled in years past on making decisions. I have had the hardest time choosing who to date, what to wear, and how to fit in. I have always been a people pleaser. I want to make sure that everyone likes me and have always tried to be friends, or at least civil, with every person I have ever met. However, I have had some serious issues with making my own decisions.
In high school, I seemed to always follow the crowd. I'm not proud of that now, but it is what it was. I tended to do whatever everyone else was doing, be it a good decision or not. Cigarettes, alcohol, unhealthy relationships (are just a few)... I did all of those simply because I felt as though I had to to maintain my status among my peers.
It seems as though that society wants me to do the same thing now that I am an adult. I am supposed to accept what culture says is right, and I am encouraged to raise my future children in that same manner. Five years ago, I would have had no problem with that, but my convictions have changed since my last few birthdays. I have learned that the only person I need accepting from is my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have come to terms with the fact that my opinions aren't your typical ones because I stand firmly on the fact that God dictates most all of them.
Now, I'm not saying that all of my decisions are Christ-centered or even Scripturely-based. I usually fail at being the person God sees me as, the one He saved when I was a mere ten years old. However, as a wife, former teacher, young woman, parent-to-be, Christian, I have to stand on His Word, even when that means I don't agree with my friends, relatives, and even this United States in which I live.
Decisions are always hard. God tends to make them especially easy. That's probably why I've been so torn lately over whether or not to even state my opinion regarding the state our country is in. Just the other day, I made a comment about not voting for Obama but praying wholeheartedly for him. That is my duty as a citizen in this great nation; I support him because I have to uphold my service, most importantly, as a Christian. I also commented that I wasn't particularly thrilled with a particular policy he had already made in his four, short days as President. That's my right. I am allowed to stand for the same things my FATHER would.
Choice? I'm not sure what that means anymore in the age I live in. People make choices all of the time that are so far away from what I would do. That's not the point. The fact of the matter is that every choice we make will affect others. There are consequences and reactions to those choices, and yet, this world tells us that every choice can be fixed.
Bailouts. Abortion. Homosexuality. All of these are an "okay" choice today in this society. IT IS A TOTAL LIE. You can choose any of these, and the outcome will still be the same. We, this nation, this people, grow further and further away from God with every CHOICE we seem to be making. Why not make the choice of saving money and not spending what we do not have? Why not make the choice to remain abstinent until marriage? Why not make the choice to live as God would have us, as one man and one woman commited for life? WHY NOT?!
Those are the choices I wish I would have been taught in school (not just at home or in church). I wish that my culture hadn't bombarded me with commercials and movies that told me it was completely acceptable to live however I chose. I wish that I would have known then what I know now. Why does this happen? Because we often tell kids and each other that going against the Word of God is OKAY even when it's not. Walk into a classroom of 6-7 year olds; they'll tell you what sex is, what drugs are, and what gay means. They know already, and it's our fault. We've fallen away from God, and we have chosen things that were never His intention.
I have always tried to keep this blog strictly as my daily personal experiences, and I have never intentionally tried to offend anyone by the thoughts I've written so openly. However, I imagine this particular post may offend some, and even turn others away from reading. Let me say that it is not my purpose to offend you or upset you to anger. I simply write because I am hurt, disappointed, and worried about the future my child is being born into. I appreciate your reading, and do not intend to make this blog a political one. I simply want to be one who's leading others toward Christ. If I have succeeded in doing so, then to God be all of the glory.
In high school, I seemed to always follow the crowd. I'm not proud of that now, but it is what it was. I tended to do whatever everyone else was doing, be it a good decision or not. Cigarettes, alcohol, unhealthy relationships (are just a few)... I did all of those simply because I felt as though I had to to maintain my status among my peers.
It seems as though that society wants me to do the same thing now that I am an adult. I am supposed to accept what culture says is right, and I am encouraged to raise my future children in that same manner. Five years ago, I would have had no problem with that, but my convictions have changed since my last few birthdays. I have learned that the only person I need accepting from is my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have come to terms with the fact that my opinions aren't your typical ones because I stand firmly on the fact that God dictates most all of them.
Now, I'm not saying that all of my decisions are Christ-centered or even Scripturely-based. I usually fail at being the person God sees me as, the one He saved when I was a mere ten years old. However, as a wife, former teacher, young woman, parent-to-be, Christian, I have to stand on His Word, even when that means I don't agree with my friends, relatives, and even this United States in which I live.
Decisions are always hard. God tends to make them especially easy. That's probably why I've been so torn lately over whether or not to even state my opinion regarding the state our country is in. Just the other day, I made a comment about not voting for Obama but praying wholeheartedly for him. That is my duty as a citizen in this great nation; I support him because I have to uphold my service, most importantly, as a Christian. I also commented that I wasn't particularly thrilled with a particular policy he had already made in his four, short days as President. That's my right. I am allowed to stand for the same things my FATHER would.
Choice? I'm not sure what that means anymore in the age I live in. People make choices all of the time that are so far away from what I would do. That's not the point. The fact of the matter is that every choice we make will affect others. There are consequences and reactions to those choices, and yet, this world tells us that every choice can be fixed.
Bailouts. Abortion. Homosexuality. All of these are an "okay" choice today in this society. IT IS A TOTAL LIE. You can choose any of these, and the outcome will still be the same. We, this nation, this people, grow further and further away from God with every CHOICE we seem to be making. Why not make the choice of saving money and not spending what we do not have? Why not make the choice to remain abstinent until marriage? Why not make the choice to live as God would have us, as one man and one woman commited for life? WHY NOT?!
Those are the choices I wish I would have been taught in school (not just at home or in church). I wish that my culture hadn't bombarded me with commercials and movies that told me it was completely acceptable to live however I chose. I wish that I would have known then what I know now. Why does this happen? Because we often tell kids and each other that going against the Word of God is OKAY even when it's not. Walk into a classroom of 6-7 year olds; they'll tell you what sex is, what drugs are, and what gay means. They know already, and it's our fault. We've fallen away from God, and we have chosen things that were never His intention.
I have always tried to keep this blog strictly as my daily personal experiences, and I have never intentionally tried to offend anyone by the thoughts I've written so openly. However, I imagine this particular post may offend some, and even turn others away from reading. Let me say that it is not my purpose to offend you or upset you to anger. I simply write because I am hurt, disappointed, and worried about the future my child is being born into. I appreciate your reading, and do not intend to make this blog a political one. I simply want to be one who's leading others toward Christ. If I have succeeded in doing so, then to God be all of the glory.
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