Life Lately

I thought having two boys was tough...  you know, until I had three.  It's not necessarily hard; it is simply God's way of teaching me to love the life I've been given.  My days are much more exhausting and trying, but they are so full of love and laughter from way too early until way too late. 

Ever wondered what I do all day with three?  Yeah, so do I.  :)

We wear each others' shoes. 

Samuel and Daniel really enjoy walking around in each other's shoes.  Then, things get pretty hilarious when they start putting on Mommy's shoes.  It's more than I can take!

We play with toys. 

Elias has finally started to enjoy his bouncer.  He studies the toys then very seriously hits them.  The older brothers think he is so amazing when Elias moves his toys around. 

We improvise, invent, and pretend.

This blew my mind the other day.  Daniel had decided to empty out the Mega Blocks from the blue bucket and turn it into a basketball goal.  I kid you not.  He wedged the large plastic tote between the wall and the recliner, and the boys spent an hour tossing balls up into it.  It was quite inventive, if you ask me.

We make messes and have fun doing so.

Okay, so maybe I lied a little on that one because I find nothing fun about the messes the boys make.  Nothing at all.  But, when I look around (for example, in the above picture) and see the stains on the carpet, I know that our two precious boys made them, and as annoyingly frustrating as it is to clean all day long, I am so thankful that they enjoy their home.  It's not nice or fancy, but it's their play place, the place where they learn and love.

We fight, play, and love.

It's a cycle we go through every single day about a hundred times.  One minute they're playing perfectly together, the next they are biting each other.  One minute they are kissing the baby, and the next they are suffocating him by lying on top of him. 

The things I do most lately are spanking, hugging, holding, and cleaning, and I like it.  Because I'm reminded of God in every thing I do.  He is constantly spanking, hugging, holding, and cleaning me.  So, while this life with three boys is ever-so challenging, I find it purely perfect. 

Thoughts on Three

Today, I'm on my own.  With three little boys.  Did I mention that I am by myself?!

Both Brian and my mom had taken two weeks off of work when Elias was born, and here we are, two weeks later, and I am on my own.  I feared the worst, to be honest.  Last night, I was so overwhelmed with the day ahead that I could barely sleep.  However, despite the fact that it's only 2:00 in the afternoon, the boys and I have already had showers, arrived ON TIME to the pediatrician's office, took a trip to the grocery, and ate lunch and a snack.  Currently, not a single child is crying.  The older boys are playing together in their room, and Elias is napping.  What did I have to fear?!  Sure, there have been moments today when I almost lost it...  for starters, how in the world did I forget wipes when packing the diaper bag?!  Why did I not have an extra shirt for MYSELF in the van?!  AND, what was I thinking when I thought going to get four gallons of milk with three kids in tow was a good idea?! 

I'm learning a lot about parenting, motherhood, children, and myself during this precious time.  People said we were going to have our hands full when they learned we were pregnant with Elias.  People also said that three under three was insane.  They mentioned that we'd go crazy, go nowhere, and get very little sleep.  While some of that may be true, my thoughts on having three are a bit different than those given to me prior to Elias' arrival and the transition from two children to three under three. 

Here are just a few:

• It takes at least 10 minutes to load the van, 20 minutes to change diapers and potty, and 30 minutes to pack to go anywhere. 
• Even with a mini-van, there is not enough room for us all.  Our car seats, extra clothing and diapers, and collection of strollers take up more space than should be allowed. 
• Diapers/Pull-ups/Overnites for three children are more expensive than gas.  I'm so thankful for the stockpile I've created in my garage.
• There is no diaper bag big enough to carry everything we need when we're all together, and sometimes, each child needs a bag of their own. 
• 30+ pounds aren't that heavy until you bring home an 8 pound baby.  My toddlers are breaking my back on a daily basis.
• Forget not having enough hands...  I don't have enough eyes or ears to keep up with the boys!
• Lack of sleep never is easy.  Even if you are used to it.  Going to bed early is key.
• Hand-me-downs are amazing.  Dressing our children would be impossible without them.  This is why I have yet to consign ANYTHING of ours.
• Lunch is the hardest hour of the day.  The older two cry if they don't get what they want, the baby is screaming for what he wants, and I am doing my best to hold it together!  :)
• If I can manage getting them in it, riding in the van with all three boys is my favorite thing.  They are all happy and contained.
• Doctor visits are nuts.  I really don't know any other way to explain it.
• Sickness spreads like wildfire.
• It's not as bad as I thought.  Really, it isn't.
• One-on-one with each child is super important.  I can tell my older ones crave my attention, and I love giving it to them.  
• Going is easier than staying.  Believe it or not, as difficult as loading them up is, we are all content when we get out of the house...  if only for a few minutes.
• Grocery carts aren't convenient for parents.  They just aren't roomy enough.  Where am I supposed to put my groceries once I get my kids in the cart?!
• I feel humbled.  I notice people looking at me as if I'm insane to have so many kids, but I realize that God is the giver of life and He has given me three little ones to care for.  I'm seriously honored to have this hectic, crazy life.  

Your Great Name(s)

Written by my husband, Brian

As many of you know, choosing baby names has been an adventure in our household. I’ll never forget about 5 weeks before Daniel was born trying to persuade Jenna that all of her "ETJ" and "Elijah" monogrammed bags and burp cloths were not going to be of any use if she wanted to keep up with the fashion of having your baby’s name match up to all of the monogrammed baby items. We had originally chosen the name Elijah Thomas for the baby’s name. However, life changed quickly, and the Lord spoke clearly. Our first born son's name was going to be Daniel Benjamin. Daniel means, “My LORD is Judge.” Benjamin means “Son of my Right Hand.” When you put them both together, it describes the hope that Jenna and I have in our risen Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Because God will judge sin, it is appointed unto men once to die and after that the judgment. Man has no hope in and of himself. We need a Savior, and Jesus, God’s Son, sits at the right hand of the Majesty in the heavens. He is an all-sufficient and all-satisfying Savior. As our three-year-old walks around the house, his name reminds us of the glorious gospel which has changed our lives.

Four months later, the Lord decided to give us another surprise. I was shocked when Jenna used a positive pregnancy test as a bookmark in my Bible on Psalm 139. This psalm exalts God’s all-seeing eye from the womb to the tomb and beyond. He sees everything, and He knew how surprised we were. This would mean that our boys would be 13 months apart. Although, we had lost her grandmother, my granddaddy, a child to miscarriage, my dad, and my mom, God had heard our prayer much like he did Hannah’s in the book of Samuel. This is the name we chose, because Samuel meant “heard of God" or "asked of God.” God, our Abba Father, hears the cries of his children both day and night. He definitely was showing us that He could do more than we could ask or think. Since the boys we so close, we chose the middle name to be Levi. It means, “joined together.” The Levites were also the servants in the Temple and the tribe from which the High Priest came. Our Samuel Levi loves his brother and loves to pretend to have a song book in his hand as he sings his heart out. It is our prayer that he becomes a mighty man of God like Samuel was in the Old Testament.

This week, on Thursday, May 17th, we welcomed our third son, Elias Joseph, into the world.

Now, you may be wondering how we chose the name Elias Joseph for our third son. If you remember, Daniel was supposed to be Elijah Thomas. This may be a story I will never live down. We have always been fond of the name Elijah. He was a common man who served the Uncommon God. He was a man who stood boldly for the truth before King Ahab, 450 prophets of Baal, and 400 prophets of Ashterah in one of the greatest showdowns in history. You can read Elijah’s story in 1 Kings 17- 2 Kings 2. The reason we chose this name is because Elias (a derivative of Elijah) means, “My LORD is God.” When Jenna saw his face on the ultrasound picture on January 5th, this is the name the Lord spoke to her heart. After telling the boys about the two names we had chosen, they both would walk around saying “E-li-as.”

His name will be a great reminder for us as we grow old together. There is only One True God, and we are living in a culture of toleration where the Bible and absolute truth are seen as old fashioned and outdated. The prophet Elijah was not afraid to stand in the face of doubters, skeptics, or the confused and say, “Let the true God answer by fire.” I have stood on Mt. Carmel in Israel and taught from 1 Kings 17-18. The plain surrounding the mountain would have provided a magnificent picture of the glory of God as He answered Elijah’s prayer by sending down fire from heaven. We still need some fire to be kindled in the heart of God’s people. We are serving the eternal God, and He is able to do extraordinary things through common people who are submitted to His will.

Our little one's middle name is Joseph. This happens to be a family name and a Biblical name. My great grandfather was named William Joseph Johnson, but we called him Pappy Joe. He was a man of God. It has been told to me on a few occasions that he had read the Bible so much that he could cross-reference verses back and forth from the Old Testament to the New Testament. His grandfather’s name was also Joseph. Beyond the family tree, the life of Joseph in the book of Genesis is one of my favorite. This young man had God-given dreams of greatness, but he did not know that he would be betrayed, sold into slavery, lied about, or abandoned in prison. However, God was with him producing a heart of humility, service, faith, conviction, and forgiveness. In the end, Joseph told his brothers that what they meant for evil, God meant it for good. Joseph was able to completely forgive his brothers for all the wrong they had done against him. His life is a beautiful picture of what Jesus has accomplished for us— salvation in a world suffering from a spiritual famine, forgiveness of sins, and hope for today and tomorrow through His infinite wisdom and grace.

Throughout our marriage, we have experienced the meaning of Joseph’s name, “God will Increase.” We have been in pits, tight spots, spinning cars, and crossroads wondering what we should do. Our Sovereign Lord has been watching over us through it all and given us sufficient grace to meet each challenge. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Moments after Arriving:

Thursday, May 17, 2012

12:06 p.m.

8 lbs, 12 oz

20 inches long

Mommy, Daddy, and Elias

Big Brothers, Samuel and Daniel,

Meet Elias for the First Time

Ten Tiny Toes

One Amazing Gift

On this day (5/17), we want to introduce you to Elias Joseph and to remind you of the following verse: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come (2 Cor. 5:17). God is truly making all things new!

He Gets It from His Momma...

I promised no potty-training stories, but this was a learning experience for both my child and me.  I hope you see the simple message here and focus less on the potty parts of this blog.

I see so much of myself in Daniel.  His tendency to be a bit dramatic, his need for details, his love for going and not sitting at home, how he loves to go shopping, his outgoing personality, his passion for music and singing, and his tremendous creative ability (we'll focus on that today) are without a doubt qualities and traits Daniel obtained from me.  I never imagined I could look at one of my children and see a reflection of myself looking back at me, and yet Daniel seems to teach me that I still have areas in which I need to grow because he is so much like me.

Just yesterday, I realized Daniel had gotten quiet.  Way too quiet.  I rushed to find him standing in his room with no bottoms on.  I proceeded to change Samuel's diaper when I was amazed with what I found.  Let's face it, Daniel has always found ways to surprise me...  from lining up his cars and trains with their front sides all facing the same way to learning how to open every child safety lock in this house.  However, yesterday's creative genius went beyond my own belief!

As I said, I went to change Samuel and discovered that the wipes box was empty...  well, somewhat.  I have been the recipient of many items in our wipes box (from trains, crayons, and forks to paper, books, and more), but I have never once found anything liquid inside.  Until yesterday.  Daniel had actually used the empty case as his very own, personal potty - thus, his naked bottom half. 

In disbelief, I look at Daniel and ask, "Honey, did you pee in here?"  He replied (creative as ever), "I so sorry, Mommy.  I not make it to the potty fast."  In other words, Yes, Mom, I peed in the wipes box, and I really am sorry about it.  However, I couldn't make it to the potty in time.  When telling my sister about this event, she asked if I scared him by freaking out over the pee in the wipes case.  To be honest, I would have totally been shocked if this were any other child but my own, but I was actually impressed that he was clever enough NOT to make a mess on the floor but grabbed the next best thing he could find.  It's quite genius. 

In that moment, I happened to see a little bit of Jenna in Daniel.  Just like his mom, he attempted to avoid a problem situation by coming up with a better idea.  He even was creative in the way he apologized and told the truth about his misdoing.  I could have been angry, and while I did say over and over that "pee goes in the potty," I was astonished at how his little mind took something simple and used it in a creative way.  Isn't that what I do when I paint?  Isn't that what I do when I embroider?  Isn't that what I do when an idea for a birthday party pops into my head?  I take simple things and allow the creative ability God has given me and use it to the best of my knowledge. It doesn't always turn out pretty, and it might not even be done correctly, but it's what I do.  That's what I saw in Daniel yesterday...  the fact that God has given him a precious ability to be creative even at almost 3 years old, and that itself is a beautiful thing.

Sure, I'd much rather him use the potty next time...  :)

Training Begins

I promise not to post naked pictures or shots of him using the restroom, but I will tell you that potty training is, by far, one of the toughest things I've had to do in our parenthood journey...  and this is really only day 1.  For months, Daniel has shown signs of being "ready."  Yet when we'd attempt, I'd get so frustrated that I'd call it off.  I hated the messes and the dirty underwear, and I just wasn't willing to do something that was so hard.

Sounds familiar with life, right?!

He's become quite dramatic over dirty and wet diapers lately, so much so that he cannot stand to keep them on.  He'll walk around like a bow-legged cowboy until someone changes his diaper.  AND, in the case that we don't act quickly enough, Daniel is quite capable of undressing himself, pulling off his diaper, and bringing you the wipes.  I'm serious, this kid floors me at times.

I have been telling Brian that the day of potty training has been fast approaching because with our third set to arrive in May, I cannot imagine the cost, frustration, and stinch of having three little boys in diapers.  I really have been talking it up to Daniel as well, because I know he's the type of kid who has to do things on his own.  He is independent, determined, and sassy.  All of which are making this process rather difficult. 

I believe the Lord really is teaching me (even through this messy process) how my strong will gets in the way of His will at times.  I have a tendency to give up on things when they get tough, and I often want to give in if they aren't going just as I planned.  I get mad and angry and throw pitiful fits in my daily life when God doesn't answer my prayers just as I thought He should. 

In fact, I'm learning that life with a toddler is the same way.  Daniel's strong will is getting in the way of my will, and I can try to push this child all day long but until he realizes that what I am doing and asking of him really is best for him, it's just not going to work.  This is just like me with the Lord.  Until I realize that what God has in store for me is best, I'll keep fighting back and giving up.  Why do that when He is the giver of all good and perfect things?!

So, without giving to many details and to spare those not-yet-parents the thrills of this, I'll just share what I've learned thus far with Daniel...  my 21-month-old potty trainee.

• Getting upset over a mess actually makes me look like the toddler.
• I wouldn't want make-believe characters all over my undies either.
• Don't try to convince your child that the aforementioned characters will be angry if they get pee on them.  It doesn't even seem the least bit realistic.  (Daniel actually laughed at me and said, "Nope."
• Lying to our children about how the potty makes them big kids is pointless.
• Rewards aren't necessary.  Let's face it, if I train my children to pee with M&Ms and suckers, what am I really teaching them?!  That if you do something everyone in life has to do, you'll get a treat?  That's just not truth.
• Praise your child when they deserve it.  Don't punish them for something they are just now learning to do. 

Be Patient

We are currently teaching Daniel what it means to be patient. 

When he's screaming for his juice,
I will say, "What do you have to be?" 
Daniel will say, "Patient."

When he's yelling he's ready to go,
I will say, "What do you need to be?" 
Daniel will agree, "Patient."

When he's ready "right now" to get
out of his car seat, I must say,
"What should you be?"
Daniel will admit, "Patient."

When I ask him what that means, Daniel always answers, "Wait."  :)

In the past few days, I have been explaining what it means to be patient.  I feel definitions help us all understand things better!  Despite my explanations, I often have to remind Daniel that patient means to wait...  calmly.  gladly.  willingly.  I seriously say these words and phrases to my two-year-old as if he understands, and while he can repeat them perfectly, I'm learning that I too must be patient and wait. 

When I'm frustrated with toddler tantrums,
"What do I have to be?" 
God replys, "Patient."

When I want him out of diapers (like yesterday),
"What should I be?" 
God tells me, "Patient."

When he's being quite demanding,
"How should I react?" 
God whispers, "Patiently."

When he's made another mess,
"What do I need to be?" 
God says, "Patient."

When I'm ready to move past this stage,
God explains, "Be patient."

I find myself wishing his days away, ready for him to grow up and be a big kid, but there are days when I realize that this is my time to cherish Daniel for all he is.  Every energetic, strong-willed, defiant, confident, intelligent, sweet way within him is mine to cherish...  And while I hurry life along, God constantly is reminding me what being patient really means.  It means to wait...  calmly.  gladly.  willingly.

I don't ever want to forget these precious days, moments, and lessons.  Through this adorable toddler, I am learning more than I ever have in life.  I, for one, am enjoying patience.

Whirlwind

I feel as though life has been moving like a whirlwind lately.  Everyone tells us constantly to "enjoy it" because "they'll be grown" before we know it.  I've come to the realization that everyone isn't kidding.  I have two babies that are quicking becoming "not" babies.  In the next month and a half, I will celebrate two boys' birthdays...  Daniel will turn two, and Samuel will be one.  Go ahead, and gasp at that. 

As the boys and I hovered in the closet today, eating Dunkaroos, puffs, and pb & j's, I noticed that these moments are swiftly passing me by.  I find myself caught up in the difficulty of raising two boys under two, and I manage to miss how precious it truly is.  As the lights flickered on and off as the weather outside raged, I found myself as content as I'd ever been...  so grateful and feeling incredibly humbled that this really is my life. 

When I least expect it, God reminds me to "Be still," while I am staring in the blue-eyed boys He's entrusted me with, and no matter what winds are blowing, I can be assured that God is in control.  He knows what tomorrow holds, and be it a second birthday party or years down the road, I have these days to cherish because of Him. 



Oh, and as for the storms, our swingset and grill met their match... 

Heaven has in Store...

what thou has lost.

My sister gave me the most beautiful necklace in honor of our sweet baby.

We have received the most amazing love and support from our family and friends since losing Elisabeth Joy.  From cards and calls to dinners and visits, we have felt God's presence since the moment we realized we were pregnant and even since the devastating miscarriage.

I never even suspected it this time around.  I really didn't.  Despite my first pregnancy ending in miscarriage, I delivered two healthy babies with little to no problems, and losing this fourth child never entered my mind.  That is what peace is. 

God has comforted my heart since that first miscarriage.  Yes, I realize I have two children and a lot of prayer to thank for that in some ways, but more importantly, I have Christ to give all of the glory to.  Somehow, despite this loss, I have found it exciting imagining what all Heaven has in store for me.  I'm not ready to go by any means, but if God should decide my time has come, I actually am looking forward to Heaven a little bit more since it gained our "Joy."

Everyday since the miscarriage has been filled with such joy...  It only seems fitting that this is what God gave me to name this child.  Seriously, I have watched the two children God has given me grow and play with all the life that is within them.  They have filled my broken heart with such laughter that I cannot help but be more joyous than ever.  Life is good.  Heaven is full.  My heart is home.



Thank you for your responses regarding our loss.  You'll never know what it means for you to mention us and our children (all of them) in prayer.  Thank you for your cards, calls, visits, dinners, and love. 

Can I Share More?

I had a feeling I was pregnant when we traveled to Gatlinburg in the middle of November, but didn't know for sure until I started craving apples later in that week.  On the way home from the trip, we stopped at Dollar General and bought a test.  To our surprise, we saw a second, faint pink line appear.  It was faint, so we waited until the next morning to take another test, which proved negative.  Days later, I was still late, and got the notion to buy a digitial pregnancy test, which after reading the results, Brian and I were certain that "Pregnant" could not be mistaken.

We were shocked.  Stunned.  Silenced.  We couldn't believe the Lord was blessing us with another pregnancy.  We were so amazed that we decided to keep this pregnancy a secret until we got more information from our doctor.  I was tired over the next few weeks.  Very tired.  I didn't have any other symptom other than wanting to eat apples.  Have I mentioned I highly dislike apples?!  With both boys' pregnancies, I craved apples. 

When we went for our first appointment, we were given the due date of July 22, 2011.  We also had an ultrasound.  According to my last cycle, I should have been approximately 8-9 weeks, but the baby measured at 6 weeks and 1 day.  The doctor didn't show any cause for concern other than our dates may be off and decided it'd be best for me to come back in two weeks for a second ultrasound.  We weren't exactly worried, but we could not make the dates work in our minds.  We had actually thought that my previous cycle was a miscarriage because it was so strange, but with this new pregnancy, there was no way it could have been.  So we waited...

However, two days before my scheduled ultrasound and while visiting family in West TN, I began bleeding.  It was off and on for the next few hours, so I didn't worry too much.  I just wanted to get home.  When we left that night, my husband's aunt Christy asked if I had news to share...  I'm wishing now that I would have, but I was spotting and wasn't sure of anything.

We called the doctor the next morning and had our ultrasound that afternoon.  The news was not good.  We were, in fact, almost 11 weeks along, but the baby had passed at 6 weeks and 1 day.   I was in the process of miscarrying.  The pain was excruciating, but my heart was calm.  I was hurt and upset, but so peaceful.  I laid in bed that night crying over the loss of this child when the Lord spoke Psalm 30:5 to me, "For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."  Oh, how sweet those words were to a grieving mother! 

As I waited on the Lord that night, He gave me the name, Elisabeth Joy, for our baby.  I immediately texted it to Brian as he was studying in his office across the hall, and we both cried.

The next two days were hard.  In and out of the hospital with pain and enduring the loss of what would have been our fourth child.  In February 2008, we miscarried our first, Ethan Caleb.  In April 2009, we delivered Daniel Bejamin ,who is now 20 months old.  In May 2010, we welcomed Samuel Levi, who is now 7 months old.  We would have expected Elisabeth Joy in July 2011, but God's plans were different and we look forward to meeting her one day.

It sounds difficult and my heart may seem sad, but it isn't.  My heart is full with what God has done for me.  He has seen fit to bless my husband and me with a fourth child.  We now have two babies in Heaven.  We also have two amazing babies here with us.  In all honesty, I have looked at Daniel and Samuel in a different light since losing this baby...  I've noticed how blessed I am to have them, what gifts they truly are, and when God gives us children, they are only ours to borrow.  I am excited (and scared) to share this story with you because it will be heart-breaking to some, but to others, it will be encouragement. 

God has given me these four children, whether on earth or in Heaven, as part of His story to share through me.  I want to inspire others to trust Him, take Him at His Word, and love Him for what He does and does not do.  I want to let Him shine through me be it through tragedy and loss or in joy and happiness.  I am His, and whatever I have or have been given is His to take.  What an honor to realize that through this baby...  I had to share her story.

Elisabeth Joy

Just Because He's So Cute...

Samuel doesn't get much attention due to the fact that Daniel always seems to be stealing it all, but after Daniel gets in bed, Samuel gets all of me...  my undivided attention.  It's always a precious time, and because he's getting so big, I try to treasure my simple moments with him.

The video below happened while in the middle of wrapping gifts and watching t.v.  Daniel was in bed, and I had out all of my wrapping gear.  Samuel watched every move I made, and I couldn't help but stop in the middle of the Christmas madness to play with him...


Tickle Time from Jenna Johnson on Vimeo.

We are B-U-S-Y

I have so much updating to do, but I cannot, for the life of me, find time to do so.  Here are some things the boys and I have been up to lately:

• The boys are really starting to show signs of what they think of each other.  Daniel sometimes gets jealous of Samuel when he's playing with his baby toys; for some reason, Daniel thinks the baby's toys are supposed to be his!  They kiss each other all the time.  They even play together now.
• Samuel is rolling all over the place.  He rolled off the bed the other night after we had walked out of the room, (for approximately 45 seconds) and THAT is how we learned he was so mobile.
• Samuel and Daniel got their first look at Christmas lights this past week and LOVED them.
• Daniel's vocabulary is astonishing!  He is saying, "No, no!"  He loves to point at "Caws (cars)," "Choo-choos," "Hats," and "Sam" or "Yule" (both of which are his baby brother).  He literally will repeat almost any word we say...  Yikes, right?!
• Daniel is a kissing fool.  He walks up to stranger kids and kisses them.  He loves to hug and blow kisses, and if you tell him you love him, he'll kiss his hand and say, "Muah."
• He's learned to hold a fork and eat with it!  He prefers drinking from adult cups rather than his sippy cups.  It's a hot mess most of the time.
• Daniel can "show" you where these body parts are:  eyes (he either squeezes them shut or covers them with his hands), ears (pulls them out like elephant ears), teeth (puts his fingers in his mouth), belly (lifts his shirt and points to it), and nose (sticks his whole finger up it).
• We went on a 5-day vacation to Gatlinburg.  Daniel loved the Steam Engine train ride at Dollywood the very best.  Samuel enjoyed trying pizza for the first time, all thanks to Grandpa.
• Both boys have infections.  Not-so-nice ones.  Daniel also has a sinus infection - he's on antibiotics and Mucinex.  Samuel has an ear infection and early signs of infant bronchialitis - he's also on antibiotics and is receiving breathing treatments three times a day.
• We need to have a yard sale.  Seriously, we have no idea how we've been so blessed with material things!
• I am painting non.stop.all.the.time.every.minute.the.boys.allow.me.  That's probably an exaggeration somewhat, but my wait list is INSANE!  I'm so grateful to have friends and family who support the gift God has given me.
• Brian is busy studying...  He stays busy with his ministry and the church!  He's in 2 or 3 prisons, preaching and teaching God's word.  He's doing some intense Wednesday night Bible studies, and he is doing a GREAT job preaching through the Beattitudes on Sunday mornings. 
• We are so thankful to have each other this season...  We've lost so many friends and loved ones since marrying each other almost four years ago that holidays are a special time for us to reflect and remember how GOOD God truly is to us. 

Playing together with a toy for the very first time

Throwing leaves while in the mountains

Smiley, little dinosaur

Brotherly love

Our family at Dollywood

Boys Equal Noise

Daniel is a loud child...  He makes lots of noise.  He screams...  throws fits....  does NOT need a drum set because he's one all by himself...  fights sleep...  always gets his way.

Tonight was no exception.  In fact, he screamed so much after Brian put him to bed that Daddy ended up going and getting him out of the crib.  Daniel probably danced and played an extra 30 - 45 minutes until his noise outside of the bed was as much as it was inside the crib. 

Did I mention we were trying to watch a movie?!

It was right about the time that Daniel had ripped his train tracks apart and was banging them together that Brian actually sounded like a parent.  You know, the kind of statement that your parents said to you, and you vowed to NEVER say something like that to your children?!  He looked right at Daniel and exclaimed, "Daniel, if you keep making all this noise, I'm putting you back in bed."  As if Daniel really understood.  Like Daniel would actually stop hitting the tracks together.  As if Brian hadn't just gone into Daniel's room not an hour before to get the boy OUT of bed for making TOO MUCH NOISE! 

I have never laughed so hard in my life...

Dear Daniel

Dear Daniel,

For four weeks, you have had a cough.  It didn't seem to bother you that much.  In fact, you have been more active than ever!  You have been screaming and throwing terrible tantrums, but you have been the happiest boy.  It became somewhat bothersome at times when you would play and get really worked up, but you hadn't had any other symptoms...  no fever or runny nose.  Nothing out of the ordinary until I noticed some white bumps on the inside of your mouth.  That is when I decided to call your pediatrician.

You waited so patiently in the pediatrician's office this afternoon.  You played for two whole hours with the sink and trashcan in the room.  You were restless when the doctor would come and go, and he came and went quite a bit today.  When he first came in, he just looked in your ears and listened to you breathe.  He made a face when he placed his stethoscope on your back and heard what must have been wheezing.  He left only to come back with a sweet nurse who held a large instrument in her hand.  She put it into both of your ears until it beeped; you sat so very still while all of this was taking place.  We waited for the results. 

What seemed like hours passed until the doctor returned with your results.  There was so much fluid behind both of your ears that you failed the pressure test they had given you.  The doctor claimed that this explained your moods and fits as of late but didn't have anything to do with your persistant cough.  He began listening to your chest again.  You laughed when he tickled your belly with his stethoscope, and you really liked looking at his red bow tie.  However, the news we received about you didn't make us laugh.  To be honest, it was overwhelming and frightening. 

I left with three prescriptions and one tired little boy.  You said, "Shoe!" when I got you into the van, indicating you wanted me to take off your tennis shoes.  I worried the whole way home.  I remember watching my Dad have coughing fits and always wondered if he was going to stop breathing.  He'd pull out his inhaler, and all would be normal again.  I couldn't help but feel scared of losing him but was always thankful for that blue tool that made him well.

Yours is red.  It fits into a barreled chamber that has a small face mask on it.  I am to put the inhaler into the top of the chamber and put the end with the mask over your face.  You will get two pumps four times a day.  This, my son, explains your cough and what will hopefully make it easier for you to bear. 

I'm fearful of what this may mean for your future, I must admit, but I was reminded tonight as I rocked you to sleep that I will carry you for the rest of my life.  I'll carry your burdens and hurt when you do.  I'll cry when you're upset and laugh when you make me.  I'll protect you when I can and take care of you always.  Sweet Daniel, there will be times when I can't, though; I'm just not big enough or capable of doing so.  Just like I mentioned tonight as I prayed over you, only God can carry us both, and God knows what your future holds.

I'm so thankful for you, Daniel.  You've made me a stronger person, and you've taught me what it means to parent.  You've shown me how to laugh and how to love whole-heartedly.  You've made my worst days more incredible than I could have ever imagined, and you've brought more joy to my life than I can put into words.  I love who you are and the amazing personality you possess.  You take everything in stride.  You stand right back up when you fall.  You laugh when you don't get your way.  You take the first breaths from your inhaler with pride, and you never flinch.  You just smile... You were so proud of yourself, and baby boy, I was too.  There has never been a time when I've been more honored to be your mom.  I thank God that He's given me you. 

With ALL of my heart,
Mommy

Too Fast

My boys are growing so quickly that I cannot find time to write about them.  Seriously.

Samuel is a little chunk.  He was so little at birth (as compared to Daniel), but now, he is suddenly so big and outgrowing clothes and diapers faster than Daniel EVER did.  I found him on his belly in his bed the other night, so he's busy rolling over now.  He loves the bath too, but he's so big that he barely fits on his bath net.  It's so precious when he looks up and smiles at us.  Samuel is such a calm, happy baby. 

Daniel is a little comedian.  He's busy all day long laughing and throwing fits just to get my attention.  His favorite word is "Hello," and he literally says it one thousand times a day.  He likes eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches and pretending to give us a bite then stealing it away only to put the food in his own mouth.  Daniel is such an energetic, loving child.

The best part about my boys growing is that they are growing to love one another.  Daniel runs to the bedroom every morning waiting to see Samuel.  He stands at the gate until I lift Samuel into his view, and Daniel will begin with his "Hello" marathon of the day.  If we leave Samuel on the couch or anywhere in Daniel's reach, he is going to find his way onto the baby.  He doesn't hurt him...  Daniel just kisses him, gives hugs, and touches Samuel's fingers, toes, and belly.

It's all happening so quickly, but it's an incredibly blessed time. 

He's Ready to Go!

Last week, my rambunctious 16 month old started Mother's Day Out!  I cannot tell you how excited I was for him (oh, and for me), but I couldn't WAIT to get all of his things ready for school... 

His bag was packed the night before...

and it just-so-happened to be embroidered.

Oh, and so was his naptime blanket...

Everything ready.

Daddy even left us a note!

Would you laugh if I told you I labeled every. single. supply. with Daniel's name?  I didn't want a note from the teacher saying he hadn't brought things in.  When I taught Kindergarten, I L-O-V-E-D over the top moms (like me). 

Ready for School from Jenna Johnson on Vimeo.

It's All Happening a Bit TOO Fast

Right before my eyes, my little boys seem not so little already. 

Daniel has his molars coming in.  In just a week, he grew, like 7 teeth.  I'm not joking or exaggerating.  He started Mother's Day Out on Tuesday the 17th and did wonderfully.  He didn't even cry when I left him.  Weird, right?! 

In the midst of Daniel's changes, Samuel's been gaining weight like a champ.  We went for their 2 month and 15 month well appointments, and Samuel had gained 5 pounds in a month.  Wow, right?!  He's now rolling over and smiling constantly. 

As a parent, I'm so excited for changes, but at the same time, I just want them to be little forever.  Is this what happens when you become a parent?  Time literally flies.  When I was a child, a week seemed like an eternity, but as a mom, my child has learned to say "Thank you," in just one short day.  Really?! 

God, thank You for the subtle reminders to enjoy every single second I've been given with my children.  Help me to remember that this will go by quickly and to never wish any of it by.  Thank You for their sweet smiles (one of which is now FILLED with pearly whites) and for the gifts You've given me in each of them.  I'm so blessed, Father.  Does it go by fast to You as well? 

Please Disregard...

The disheveled look on my face.
The sweat dripping from my forehead.
The lack of makeup.
The wrinkles in my clothes.
The idea that I may actually remember our conversation.
The drool on my left shoulder.
The leftover Cheerios in my car's seats.
The exhaustive way I enter and leave a room.

I can't help it, but this is how it goes almost every day.  I've realized that life is hard with two babies.  It just is.  I find myself so overwhelmed lately.  I imagine I'm not the only mother who feels this way.  However, I finally took some time tonight to talk with my 11-week-old. 

I flat out had a sit-down talk with my baby and told him that I was so sorry.  I knew I needed to apologize to him after the night he'd had and for the way I'd handled our life lately.   I told Samuel I was sorry for letting him cry a little too long, not immediately changing his dirty diapers, paying more attention for safety's sake to his big brother, not holding him enough throughout the day, missing out on some of his accomplishments, not capturing every single day on film, and not being the mom I feel as though I should be to him. 

And...  you want to know what his reply was? 

He smiled.  Right at me.  He cooed and grinned then melted my heart with his big, blue eyes and brown, curly hair.  In our short five minute "conversation", Samuel made me realize just how grateful I am for this time.  For feeling so overwhelmed I could bust.  For feeling completely inadequate as a parent.  For feeling so helpless and weak.  Because, let's face it, parents all feel that way.

The tears filled my eyes as I was reminded of how God chose me.  He placed Daniel and Samuel directly in my hands.  He filled my life with their little smiles.  He decided that I was to be their mother, and that in itself is the most humbling, gratifying fact in all of this.  The fact that God knew I'd be a mess.  He knew I'd make mistakes and have to leave one child crying while helping another.  He knew I'd have days where nothing was accomplished and that I'd be so angry and tired over cries that seemed to never cease.  Yet, HE. CHOSE. ME.  God gave them to me, and though I know these two children are not mine to keep, God gave them to me. 

Wow. 

Please disregard my repetitions, ramblings, and rantings.  Just know that I'm a bit out of it for a while.  At least until they are out of diapers and can walk on their own without throwing tantrums if you hold their hands and can get in/out of the car by themselves.  Yeah, it may be a while, but God loves it.  He sees beauty in the messes and knows that I'm still a work He's progressing.  He reminds me daily how blessed I truly am and that there will come a day when these frustrations are distant memories of how He loved me enough to give me two.

A Diaper Just Made Me Cry...

Seriously.

I ran out of newborn diapers (I literally can praise God for the fact that I've got friends who've provided us with two whole months of diapers), and I realized I had a pack of 1's (of course from friends) to put on Samuel this morning.  I teared up, not because I ran out of diapers, but because my baby is already growing up.  It happened that fast...

I realized how quickly time was passing the other day when Daniel and I were sitting at the kitchen table, he in his booster seat and I in my chair, and I handed him his own peanut butter and jelly on wheat sandwich.  I watched for what seemed like hours as this almost-15-month-old handled his own sandwich.  He fed himself his entire lunch, and though I knew these times were coming, I wasn't exactly sure how I'd feel when they hit.

I didn't know that having children would make me grow up.  I didn't understand how deeply my heart could love and how desperately I want to raise them "right."  I didn't realize how I badly I could worry and how much it hurt to see them cry.  I didn't know it would make me love my husband more and appreciate my parents more than words can express.  Most importantly, I just didn't know that God could care for me this much...

I look into the eyes of my children and feel so blessed, and yet I am so humbled by the fact that God loves me more than I could ever fathom loving my own.  I cannot imagine how much He hurts when I break His heart or end up outside of His will.  I cannot picture what it must be like watching Your own children have kids of their own, yet knowing YOU created both of them must be more fulfilling than anything this world has to offer.  What does it feel like to know that YOU hold their lives in YOUR hands and that YOU are in charge of time? 

So, today as I slipped that size 1 diaper onto my ever-changing, constantly-growing son, my eyes filled with tears knowing that these moments are quickly passing, and God, I cannot thank You enough for each second I have with them.  They are such amazing gifts, and God, YOU are the gift and the giver.  Help me always to cherish this time.  It's going by so fast...

What Would You Do?

What would you do if your toddler discovered how to open up the kitchen cabinets?
You'd baby-proof.
Check.

What would you do if your toddler figured out how to get into the dishwasher?
You'd gate OFF the kitchen.
Check.

What would you do if your toddler learned how to open up the baby-proof latches?
And...
What would you do if your toddler was smart enough to shimmy his way UNDER the locked gate?

This MAY be what you'd find:

I was super busy this morning with my 3 week old, who now has a mild case of colic, when I realized my almost 14 month old was way too quiet.  I came out of the bedroom to see Daniel in the "kitchen/office" area.  If that's not enough, considering he had to hold up the gate, crawl under it, and not get stuck in the process, I was pretty S-H-O-C-K-E-D to find that he'd pulled out my desk chair, gotten up in it to climb onto my desk, pull out my drawer of ribbon, and have T-W-O pairs of open scissors in his hands!

Wow.  So, what did I do?

I pulled out my camera, of course, because I knew no one would believe me.
:)
 

 

Complete

Just when I thought my life could not get any better, the Lord goes and does something like this...

OH, and it's so good!  I am completely overwhelmed, completely busy, and completely consumed with diapers, bottles, pumping, crying, sippy cups, schedules, and boys.  More than anything though, I am complete.   

Don't think I'm saying there are no more Johnson children in the future, because I honestly cannot promise that.  Brian and I always said we wanted four, and then we quickly realized we'd take as many as the Lord would give us.  Currently, we have three, and we have no intentions of forfeiting or preventing God's blessings. 

Yet, I am absolutely head over heels for my boys...  Brian, Daniel, and Samuel.  And as for me, I am now completely whole.

On a side note, the above photograph was taken by Chelle Gibbs.  We cannot thank her enough!  Please see other photos from our session with her here.