Things I Love... Lately.

• Time Alone with My Husband
• Staying Home with Our Boys
• Words of Affirmation
• Taking Pictures
• Piles of Laundry
• Learning to Cook...  More.
• Laughter 
• Pretending and Imaginations of 3 Brothers
• Messy Floors
• Heroes, Ninja Turtles, and Bubble Guppies
• Party Planning
• Teaching
• Crafting
• Painting
• New Contact Prescription
• Plans to Celebrate our 7th Anniversary
• Family who is ALWAYS willing to help
• Church Home who is ALSO Family
• Reading the New Testament
• Pajama Wearing
• Thirty-One Make Up Bag 
• Vera Bradley
• Polka Dots, Chevron, and Houndstooth
• Anticipation of Vanderbilt Football - hurry back!
• History and Memories
• Antibiotics and Inhalers
• Soccer Season is COMING for a certain 4-year-old
• Expanding Vocabulary of a certain 21-month-old
• A certain 3-year-old coming out of his shyness
• When brothers play TOGETHER
• Hearing children quote scripture
• When little boys ask to hear the Bible
• When prayers are answered...  clearly.
• For an opportunity to speak to fathers and daughters
• Friends
• Silliness
• Smiles
• Supper at the Kitchen Table
• Pre-K - such a fun age, and I get to teach my own preschooler and 11 others that I adore!
• Moments like these:

How Do You Do It?

I have been asked this question three times in the last twenty-four hours, and I've given three different answers.  However, the truth is that why and how I do it is all of grace.

You see, I've been the recipient of grace more times than I recount.  I received grace from my little sister when I repeatedly stole the spotlight.  I got grace from my momma when I wasn't willing to clean my room, fold my laundry, or do anything in a timely manner.  I found grace in the sight of my daddy when I came home late almost every single night.  I was given grace as a ten-year-old girl by my Lord and Savior when I begged Him to save me from my sins.  I found grace 14 months after I had miscarried our first child and held our first born son in my arms.  I am completely familiar with what grace is.

It is how I live each day being the mother of three small boys.  It is grace that gets me through our crazy breakfast routine which consists of making three different meals.  It is grace that reminds me that the messes they make are temporary.  It is grace that beckons me when I've reached my patience limit at only 9 o'clock.  It is grace that helps me tie every shoe, wipe every nose, change every diaper, clean every spill, correct every disobedient heart, prepare every specific meal, fight for every minute of nap time, spank for every sinful action, and wash every single load of laundry.  Grace is how I do it.

But, there are moments when, in my sin-filled, human heart, grace doesn't seem to be enough, and I throw my own little fits.  You see, I'm imperfect.  I don't always "grin and bear it."  I tend to play the part that I have it altogether, but I don't.  I'm as flawed as they come.  I once cried out to God to bless me with children, and now I'm blessed with three of them and still begging God for help.  I expected my children to be exactly as I had envisioned them...  obedient, quiet, clean, mild-mannered, and perfect.  I wanted their clothes to match, their mouths to be filled with kind words, their manners to be inherent, their hair to lay flat and always be brushed, their hearts to be full of love for those around them, and all of these other things that were dreams I thought needed to be fulfilled when I had each of them.

I learned quickly that my visions of perfection weren't going to come true.  Perfect isn't possible in this life, and yet I pushed it on each of our boys.  I push hard.  I cry.  I act like a child.  I yell.  I criticize.  And, when I finally have their attention and my own way, I realize how ridiculously sinful I have been.

It's through these precious boys that I have seen my sinful actions and faults, and I'm constantly running to my Father and begging for just a little bit more of HIS grace.  What I do isn't easy.  I don't always have it together.  I get really stressed and frustrated, and I usually take it out on my children.  But, I don't ever want them to think that grace isn't enough.  Because it is.  I'm learning that it's okay to apologize to a four-year-old for not trusting him (when I assumed he'd climbed the counter for another snack when he hadn't).  I'm seeing that it's necessary to ask my three-year-old for forgiveness when I've yelled a little too loudly.  I'm teaching my sixteen-month-old to say "sorry" by saying it to him when my frustration peaks at his need for being right under my feet.

If I don't teach these boys what grace is by showing it to them, I'm afraid they'll never know what God meant when He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)."  Year from now, when they wonder how their mom did it, I want them to know the answer.  Grace, God's glorious, unmerited favor, freely given to me.

How do I do it, friends?  It's only by HIS grace...  and these sweet faces are worth it.

Post-bath crazy hair

Toasting their ice cream cups

Playing in baby brother's crib

Proudly wearing his mommy's Alaska shirt

Full bath of boys = Full heart for Mom

Cheesy grin

Mischievous smirk

Happy boy

Eating "curly" chips at Taco Bell

Smitten with Taco Bell's rice

Or Calls Me Home...

As I sit quietly on the living room couch, with our two babies tucked in tight and my husband enjoying the middle of the bed, I realize how blessed I am.  Just today, I heard "I love you" three times in a row from my two-year-old and had dinner with some very dear friends, but also occuring today was a dear man of the faith being laid to rest.  While I know he is rejoicing this very second upon such sights I cannot fathom, I cannot help but wonder what his sweet wife is feeling without him.

His passing (and many others recently) has me fearful over losing those I love.  The adversary seems to find ways to make me question God's sovereignty, and I tend to get weak when he tugs at my heart.  Just last night, I dreamed that I woke up without Daniel, and tonight as Brian and I talked about our day, I got teary-eyed when we discussed what we'd do without the other.  He told me I would be fine, but I couldn't imagine it...

While I know that God is in complete control, I can't help but be human and fear what is to come.  I know there will be loss.  I realize there is a chance I'll out live our children.  I understand that our children already only have one set of grandparents.  I am very aware that I'm not guaranteed tomorrow.  What I have is now.  This very moment.

In this very moment, I have all I never pictured I would.  I have the most amazing husband who loves me for me.  He accepts me just as I am and loves me with his words.  I have two beautiful boys who literally make my heart joyous at the thought of them.  Their laughter and love make me want to be a better person for their sake.  I have a heavenly Father who lavishes His love on me on a constant basis.  He saved me from my sins when I cried out to Him as a 10-year-old girl. I have more than I need here in our home.  I'm spoiled rotten with material things.  I have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart that is open to love. 

Tomorrow is another day, and while God very well may choose to change all I've been given, I am going to rest in the One who holds the world in the palm of His hand.  I'm going to sleep peacefully, knowing that if I do not wake, He has prepared for me a home in heaven. If I lose everyone I love, I still have Christ.  He will always be my Comforter, my all in all.  In Him, I can truly live without the fear of death.  May we all see our blessings in life and use them for His glory until He comes back or calls me home.

In Christ alone, my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand

Follow-Up Miracle

On Monday, April 18th, Samuel had his follow up visit with Dr. Kelly, his plastic surgeon at Vanderbilt, just 5 short days following his surgery.  The doctor's first words were, "He's fine."  What a relief!  The "tag" on Samuel's neck proved to be non-cancerous and as suspected ran deeply.  It was through the muscles of Samuel's neck and connected to tissue, but this did not seem to cause any need for alarm.  The surgery lasted all of 20 minutes. 

What did surprise us, however, was the explanation of what this "skin tag" actually was.  Apparently, when babies' ears are forming in the womb, they do so in 6 parts, and somehow, in God's providence, one of Samuel's parts did not form exactly where it should have.  It formed into the fold of his neck.  I know you are wondering how this is possible (as we did), but we were comforted with the knowledge that Samuel passed his hearing test as an infant.  His ear shows no signs of malformation or discomfort.  It is simply a miracle as God must have intended.

As my husband beautifully wrote after learning this news, our Lord knew that Samuel would one day need to hear the Gospel, and how fitting it is that it was in God's hands as He formed this little one within my womb, despite the "loss" of one of the six parts of his ear, God knew Samuel would be able to hear!   

Surgery Day!

After his birth, I noticed a small "skin tag" on Samuel's neck. At the time, the doctors believed we needed to wait until he was at least 6 months old to operate and remove it. At his 6 month well visit with the pediatrician, we set up an appointment to see a plastic surgeon at Vanderbilt. Ultrasounds showed very little, and the surgeon said that removing it would be the only way for him to know what exactly the mass was.

We have been waiting since February for our insurance to approve the surgery. After all the waiting, the process has actually happened very quickly! The surgery was approved and scheduled all in the same week! Praise God! Right on time, the spot had some noticeable changes. It had hardened and gotten a little bit larger. It never seemed to bother Samuel, though.  Others noticed, however, and it bothered us at times to hear the comments people would make regarding something our child was born with, but God knew what He has in store for Samuel Levi. 

Yesterday (April 13, 2011) was surgery day. He did amazing! Surgery was scheduled at noon, so he hadn't eaten for 12 hours. He was awaken at 11:30 p.m. on Tuesday night to eat a jar of banana/orange medley (in the dark).  He had his last bottle of milk at 3:30 a.m. on Wednesday morning. The waiting room was hard, as they ran a bit behind schedule, and he was getting very irritated.  Once we were called back, we dressed him in the cutest little pajamas, and answered a million of the same questions.  We continued to wait for the OR to open for him.  We said our goodbyes when the surgeon arrived.  From what we understand, they put a breathing tube in, put him to sleep, ran an i.v. through his left foot, and removed the mass. Recovery was difficult. He was not soothed easily. In fact, upon waking, he needed two doses of pain medicine, but was quickly relieved by a nap in his Daddy's arms. Once he ate (4 oz of Pedialyte), we were allowed to head home. We learned that the spot WAS deeper than originally suspected and was connected to the muscle.

For now,  he is on antibiotics, pain meds, and TLC for the next 5 days. He returns for a follow-up visit with the pediatric plastic surgeon on Monday, April 18th. Samuel is resting very well, and he has even crawled around and played with his "Get Well Soon" balloon from his aunt, Jessica.  Thankfully, Jessica and Mom were able to stay with Daniel while we were at the Children's Hospital.  Jessica even got us supper!  We are so blessed with such wonderful family and friends.  Thank you for your continued prayers. We didn't publicize this because we know that there are children in much more serious need of prayer, but we appreciate so much your concern for our sweet boy!

Here are some pictures from our day:

The night before surgery...

Watching Elmo with his big brother.

Here is the "mass" on his neck,

in case you've never seen it.

In the holding room, prior to surgery.

Aren't those pajamas precious?!

He was so hungry and sleepy.

Look how small he looked in that hospital bed!

Getting some play time in before surgery.

Last night, 6-7 hours after surgery.

His eyes are red as a side effect from anesthesia.

His incision is glued, stitched, and covered.

HOWEVER, he was ready for applesauce!

Pop-In Visits

My boys are so blessed.  I mean it, they really are.  They can almost be guaranteed that at least once a week, they are going to have a visitor.  The visitors usually range from week to week, and most of the time they see their Mimi, Grandpa, and Pop at least once a week or more!

My heart melts when Daniel cuddles up to his visitors.  He gets so excited upon hearing the doorbell ring or the repitition of knocks; he cannot wait to see who is behind the door.  Pop always gives me a forewarning of a few minutes that he's on his way to see the boys, but I don't think Daniel or Samuel would mind if he showed up by surprise ANY day of the week.

Daniel reading his Veggie Tales bible storybook with Pop

Samuel loves getting his Pop time as well

Both boys getting Pop's attention

Showing Pop how he can crawl!

Very interested in the story

I realize that not every child has a great-grandparent like my boys do.  Pop is the best influence my boys could have.  I've grown up admiring his love for the Lord, and I have always enjoyed heeding his advice.  I know he won't always be around, but I am eternally grateful for all he does for my family.  These sweet visits from him feel my heart with joy...  Something about watching your children play with the grandparent you loved so much as a child is beautiful.  I cannot thank God enough for moments like these.

Looking Back and Looking Ahead

With one year coming to an end and with a new one at hand, my mind is consumed with how good God has been this past year.

• After months of praying over how we could get a larger vehicle, the Lord managed to total our Malibu in February on I-65 going 70 mph and hitting the median twice.  Brian and I were on our way to church, I was 7 months pregnant, Daniel had just been dropped off at his Mimi's, and somehow NONE of us were hurt.
• We celebrated our third anniversary on March 31, 2010!  I was feeling very pregnant, so we ate at Demos' and then headed to Walmart to finish up with Daniel's birthday party supplies.
• After a very difficult pregnancy and a week of bedrest, I was able to celebrate Daniel's first birthday with him.  I had worked so hard on it that the idea of not being there was hard, so it was so amazing that I was released from bedrest just days before his birthday party!
• I woke up on Daniel's first birthday on April 20, 2010, bleeding...  My doctor was certain I was going to have the baby that day, so I was transferred to Baptist to be at a hospital with a NICU seeing as I was only 35 weeks.  Despite all of the trauma, days in the hospital, and many doses of magnesium, the baby was able to stay in the womb and was in perfect condition.
• We delivered a healthy, 7.4 lb., 18 1/2 inch baby boy on May 23, 2010.  Samuel Levi was dark-headed, blue-eyed, and amazing!  Labor was fast and delivery was in 12 minutes.  Wow, what a blessing!
• Brian turned 30 on June 25, 2010, and despite having two babies on my hands, I managed to conjure up a surprise party for him!  We were blessed with friends and family there to celebrate. 
• I took both boys to Gatlinburg for the 4th of July!  My mom and Jessica invited us to go along, and though it was difficult, it'll be a memory I cherish for years to come.
• Daniel started Mother's Day Out on August 17, 2010, and since then, his vocabulary, social skills, motor skills, and thoughtfulness have taken off!  He sings and dances all the time, and it's incredible to watch him grow like this. 
• Daniel was diagnosed with asthma in September, but after a month of using an inhaler, he was FINE!  Praise God from whom all these blessing flow!
• October flew quickly by, but it was in that month that I really saw love in its purest form.  Daniel loved Samuel with more love than can be explained.  He woke every morning waiting to kiss his baby brother, and when Samuel cried Daniel wanted to help.  It was more precious than any blessing I'd received.
• In November, we were blessed by visiting Gatlinburg with my family and Thanksgiving with Brian's.  Other blessings followed...  Samuel had an ultrasound of a small skin tag on his neck that proved it was not a tumor or a cyst! We also learned of our fourth pregnancy on November 14, 2010.  Though we decided not to share it until we had more details from our doctor, we were anxious to see what God had in store.
• December 2010 was filled with surprises, blessings, and loss.  We spent such great time with our family and friends over the weekends and holidays.  We watched our boys celebrate Christmas with such excitement.  We learned how to live simply and how to love more.  We saw our fourth baby on the ultrasound screen when we believed we were 8 weeks, though it wasn't as far along as we thought, and two weeks later, we learned the baby had passed at 6 weeks.  The Lord gave me the baby's name on December 30th, but to our dismay, we had to inform family of the baby and its loss when I went in to have surgery on December 31, 2010. 

It's hard to end the year on such a sobering blessing, but we are reminded yet again that God is good.  He gives and takes away, and He turns mourning into great joy.

Big Trouble, Mister

Daniel happened upon quite a few ten spankings today... I know, it's hard to think about punishment and discipline when a child is only 20 months old, but it rendered itself completely necessary today. Not to mention, the Bible says that to spare the rod means to spoil the child. For future reference, son, these are things that made Mommy almost pull her hair out and got you in quite a bit of trouble with her.

1. Ripping the gate down (which subsequently was actually wired to the wall) and climbing over it to turn off Mommy's embroidery machine in the middle of her embroidering!
2. Playing with the electric socket UNDER the Christmas tree
3. Using baskets and boxes to climb upon the foyer table or high enough to touch the flat screen t.v. or just enough to get "Baby Jesus" from Mommy's nativity set from off of the ledge in the kitchen
4. Tearing 14 pages out of your coloring book, rolling them into little balls, and throwing them all over the house
5. Pulling every. single. perfectly. stacked. and shelved. book. off of the shelf in your room three different times
6. Throwing every. single. item. from your plate onto Mommy's freshly swept and steamed kitchen floor
7. Coloring on the walls
8. Getting the bells off of the Christmas tree, putting them in your mouth, shaking your head, and running away laughing with a mouth full when Mommy tells you to "Get that out of your mouth, right now!"
9. Screaming at the top of your lungs when you rip pages out of your new Thomas the Train book on purpose
10. Sitting on Samuel's head causing him to turn a certain shade of bluish-red when Mommy is cooking on the stove in the kitchen

But, in all honesty, I am in love with this child. He makes everyday more eventful than I could have ever imagined. I seriously couldn't come up with this stuff on my own! Daniel is so amazingly clever, mischievious, and curious, and without him, life would be incredibly dull. I thank God for my rambunctious child; what a gift he is to me!

Already Come and Gone

Daniel's first birthday party...

As long as it took to plan it, his birthday party should have lasted a week.  Two hours just didn't seem long enough...  I'm ridiculously exhausted, but I'd do it again just to see his face light up over that chocolate cupcake.  I'd do it all again just to watch him walk to each table and raise his hands to each familiar face.  I'd plan for a year if I could keep this day forever etched in my mind.  I'd do it all for Daniel...

I guess it's bittersweet, knowing your child is turning one and at the same time, knowing he'll never be here at this moment in time ever again.  It's hard only because I have learned to notice how precious each moment is, and as a parent, I am strangely able to see how quickly this is all happening.

One year ago today, I didn't know what life would be like with a child.  I was 39 weeks along, and I was so ready for Daniel to be here that I didn't picture what I thought might happen.  I didn't know what life would be like a year AFTER that.  I never had a thought in my mind about his first birthday party decorations or what he should wear on that special day.

Nevertheless, in just two short hours and months of planning, his first year has already been celebrated, and it won't be long before he'll be turning two.  So, just for this moment, and in this late hour, I want to picture today as it truly was...

Truly wonderful.  Ridiculously overwhelming.  Perfectly planned.  Significantly blessed.

So, I've Learned...

that it is completely IMPOSSIBLE to do anything with a 9-month-old opening-everything/crawling-everywhere/chewing-all-things/attempting-to-walk in the house.

I honestly do not know how mothers who stay at home can accomplish tasks throughout their days.  Some days, Daniel is incredibly happy playing alone in his super-yard, but on days like today, he realizes I am "caging" him in, and he cannot stand it.  I've let him roam, but I haven't done anything at all.

Really, I haven't completed A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G.  It's a lot past 3 in the afternoon, and to be terribly honest, I haven't showered.  I haven't finished any paintings.  I haven't even started thinking about dinner.

But, I'm not complaining one, single bit.  I'm thankful that I can stay at home with Daniel and watch him as he grows and learns new things.  Like just today, he took two steps...  on his own.  And today, he made some new sounds that I'm pretty sure were monkey calls.  He also looked me straight in the face and said, "Ma-ma-ma-ma."

He doesn't care that I stink, literally.  He reminds me why a painting isn't life or death.  He is elated over Gerber puffs.  He makes life so interesting.  He makes it worth each day, whether I accomplish 14 things or none at all. 

So, really, what I've learned is that I'm blessed to have nothing done...  Because I have a sweet boy who just so happens to be napping this very minute.

Starting from Scratch

If you stopped by this blog in the past few days, you probably have noticed that I've been completely unable to finish what I've started in getting a new look for my site. It's been driving me crazy. I'll find one I like, get to work on it, and Daniel will throw the biggest fit you've ever heard. Or, I may spend Daniel's whole naptime Photoshopping a picture for a header, and for some reason, it wouldn't show up. I finally decided on a simple, Blogspot template and that I would just be starting from scratch.

That's how I feel lately with just about every single thing I do.

How about dealing with a teething baby? Well, we tried teethers, cold wash cloths, ice, Tylenol, and even the fantastic teething tablets. However, as of this week, my almost four-month-old decides that crying is the best way to handle it. For hours out of the day, this is how we do it. He cries, I fuss, and we get along just fine. It's hard though, and despite my obvious attempts at a routine, we are having to start from scratch.

How about my latest battles with cooking? Well, actually, there never was a battle; I just didn't cook, and when I did, it was either disastrous or I couldn't remember how I made it taste so good. Nothing ever repeats itself in this department. I'm just not the best at it, but today, I pulled out one of the most treasured items in my kitchen: my Nana's cookbook. It was given to me at Christmas this year, but I have never even used it because let's face it: Nana could cook... I cannot. However, starting from scratch, I made Squash Casserole tonight, and it was great. Could I do it again? Probably not.

How about handling being a housewife and new mother? Well, being these are probably some of the toughest roles I've ever been blessed to have. I've worked in food service, gift shops, and even dealth with buggars and vomit on a daily basis as a Kindergarten teacher, yet my job as a homemaker is H-A-R-D. I haven't actually MADE anything, except that I have made Daniel scream a few times and Brian ill a couple more. Only because I cannot find my way too well at this gift God's given me. I'm learning though; I mean, today, for instance, I didn't get a shower until 2:30 p.m. and no paintings are finished, and there are still clothes in the baskets, and Daniel's toys are E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E, BUT I was able to cook dinner, vacuum a few rooms, dust a few more, and take care of my precious son. If that's not starting from scratch, then I don't know what is!

How about the constant lessons I'm learning as God's child? Well, again, these are difficult for me. I'm not one that likes to be pointed out, and I rarely enjoy being the center of attention anymore. Yet God always points at me and I'm always in His view. I'm realizing that my relationship isn't as strong with Him as it should be, and studying His Word is more challenging. I can't just read the stories anymore; I've got to be getting to the heart of each scripture. I can't just show up at church each Sunday; I've got to be living each and every single day. And, I'll be honest when I say, I don't do either of those all that well. So, here I am, 16 years after being saved, and starting from scratch.

And, you know what I've heard? It's the best place to start.

I am in love...

with this man...


who is the father of our son,



the provider for our family,


the leader of our home,


the best friend I have ever had,


and the most amazing father I have ever seen.

All Things New

There are 10 tiny fingers and 10 precious toes I have come to adore in the past 7 weeks. I have watched them as they held tightly onto my hands, and I have seen them as they were used to roll a little miracle over. I have never felt anything so soft, and without doubt, I have never experienced anything so new.

I can remember sitting on the couch one evening not too long ago, just rubbing my hands against his sweet feet. He would just coo and grin, but what I noticed more so was the fact that they were incredibly smooth... I could not believe how new they felt, and I quickly realized it was because they were.

His hands and feet haven't been used yet. They haven't petted an animal or played in the sand. They haven't fallen and scraped on the pavement, and they haven't held a bat or thrown a ball. They haven't needed Band-aids or Neosporin, and they haven't needed a cast. They are perfect, absolutely brand new.

Isn't that how it was when we first started our relationships with Christ? Brand new. We hadn't experienced great loss, and our hearts hadn't been hurt. We hadn't felt the pain our Christian walk would some day bring, and we didn't know what was ahead. We didn't realize that our faith would be tested and that our problems wouldn't be solved just because we wanted the Lord to. We just knew that we were His, and that truly was enough. There were no scrapes, scratches, or bruises on our relationships, and we never imagined anything could change that.

I don't know about you, but life with Christ isn't so "new" anymore. I've been saved over 15 years, and I know that things have changed since I first met my Savior. I've changed. My heart has experienced more than I could ever imagine. I have felt more pain than I feel one should ever be allowed. Honestly, I have to admit that those heartaches have caused the newness to wear off. I forget that day when I became His; the Lord took out my heart of stone and gave me a new one.

It is hard to fathom that before very long, those 10 tiny fingers and 10 precious toes won't be so new. They will have found the floor and end up in places I cannot think of now. However, they will always be precious in my eyes. They'll always be as amazing as the first day I saw them. And I have to believe that God feels the same about me... I'm not as new as I was the day He saved me, but in His eyes, I'm still the little child who ran to meet Him that April day many years ago. He is still making all things new...

He's Here...

Daniel Benjamin arrived April 20, 2009, at 3:53 p.m. He weighed 8.8 pounds and measured 21 and a half inches! He's adorable, of course, I'm a bit partial. Learn more about our latest blessing from the Lord here.

Counting Down...

Be anxious for nothing...
Philippians 4:6

I can remember counting down the days until my sixteenth birthday; I could not wait to FINALLY see what car my daddy had chosen for me. I vividly recall marking down the days until high school graduation; I had bought my dress a little over 2 months before that night in complete excitement. I even laugh when I think back to waiting ever so impatiently for my two-month engagement to move quickly on to the wedding day; I was so pumped to wear that dress, marry that man, and live happily ever after.

Even with all of the excitement when countdowns begin, I have the hardest time being patient. I actually noticed today that I have been pregnant for 260 days. Let me make that clear, TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY DAYS. That's progressively close to a year, and yet, all of this waiting, no matter how amazing the outcome, has been incredibly difficult on me.

Why is it that waiting for good things becomes such a tremendous task? Why is it that we begin to complain when the days do not go swiftly by? Why is it that patience is such a tough virtue to obtain?

I have learned that the waiting is only preparing me for what lies ahead. I imagine that once I hold this little miracle in my arms for the first time, that I will forget about the tirelessly, miserable days of waiting I have endured. I want to be able to enjoy the counting down. I want to remember these days for the rest of my life. I want to know that I was absolutely enthralled by the gift God was about to give me.

I cannot tell you how long I waited for that first car. It would take days for me to even remember what the last days of high school were like. It is hard for me to look back in detail on what all I experienced that beautiful March day in 2007 when I married my best friend. I imagine that once this countdown ends and Elijah is here, I will have forgotten about these last days of pregnancy I have come to dread.

God has prepared this time just for me. The countdown has only just begun. The Lord has so much more in store for me. How patient will I be to wait on His blessings? I'm not sure. But I'm ready, and I am so excited to share all of it with you.

Just 20 days from him,
Jenna

Two Years

Sitting in rocking chairs, we discussed everything from the wedding to our future children's names. We rocked and talked for six hours that night. It was our very first date, and we were naive enough to think that everything before us would be the fairy tale we expected.

Life with Brian has been one of the most amazing gifts I have ever been given. I have had a best friend each and every day for the past two years, and without him, I honestly do not know what would have happened. We have faced some very joyous occasions, yet God had more tragic situations in store for us than even I can explain. Our lives are so different now than what we had planned that Friday night at Opry Mills a little over two years ago.

It wouldn't have been reasonable for us to talk about losing our loved ones including both of his parents, having a miscarriage, leaving our jobs, expecting a little boy who will be named after his late father, and making some of the most unforgettable memories of a lifetime in just two, short years.

Tomorrow, we will celebrate two years of marriage. It actually is hard to believe. It is still hard to imagine that we are married. It is still difficult to know that God made this man for me. It is incredible that this is where God has decided for us to go. This path, this journey, this anniversary is a culmination of what I can only say has been the learning experience of a lifetime.

We have rocked day in and day out waiting for the fairy tale... But that's not what life is. It is an amazing gift that is often packaged with heartache and pain. We've opened that gift and experienced first hand what life can be. It is a blessing to be able share these times with you, but there is no one I'd rather have in my life than my husband. He has made the bitter times sweet, and the hard times have been an opportunity for the two of us to cling to the One who put us together.

Happy Anniversary, Brian.
To Heaven and Back. That's my life with you.

I Saw You Today...

Sweet boy,

I have dreamed of you. I have both seen your face and heard your cries in my sleep. I have imagined how you might smell and what color your hair will be. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.

Yet I feared the worse. After losing your brother just weeks after he was conceived, I worried that the same might happen to you. I have held my breath for weeks as you continued to grow. I have thought that maybe I wouldn't be able to hold you because God had decided to take your brother.

Oh, how I have prayed that you are okay. I have pictured your eyes and the color they might be. I have heard your strong heartbeat and cried tears of joy when I felt your first kick. I cannot help but laugh at each hiccup because I know you are doing well. Every time you are awake, I think of how it will be when you are finally here... in our arms.

Your daddy and I cannot wait to meet you. We plan to teach you about God and how amazing He is. We want to tell you how your Lord loves you and how He has given you the breath you will someday take. We want you to understand that though we are your parents, it is God who is your Father. He loves you more than we ever could, yet we are going to attempt to care for you the way He would intend.

Elijah, it was today that I learned that you are perfect. Yes, the doctor says you have fluid around your kidneys, and that it may cause problems. I will not fear; my Father is busy knitting you inside of me. He is molding you into a wonderful child of His own. He sees you as a jewel; He even thinks more of you than the flowers you will someday smell.

As we watched you squirm and wiggle your way through your little world, I saw how amazing you truly are. I saw your hands and toes. I saw your arms and legs. I saw your eyes open and then close. I saw you, and your little face looked just like mine. That is a miracle, baby boy; you are a miracle. No matter what comes our way, little one, in my eyes, you will always be a perfect baby that is fearfully and wonderfully made by my God.

Please know that your mommy and daddy love you so much. We are so blessed to even have the opportunity to anticipate your arrival. Be it April 13 or 24 (because the doctors are not sure with as big of a baby as you are already), we cannot wait to hold you in our arms. But, if by chance, we do not get to meet face to similar face, we will look forward to holding you when we get to Heaven with you. Like I said before, as much as we love you, there is someone who loves you so much more. It is because of Him that I saw YOU today.

With all of my love,
Mommy


My precious, Elijah Thomas at 28 Weeks

Going Public

I'll admit that my feelings get upset when people mention how big I am to have 12 weeks left of pregnancy. I'll even tell you that it drives me crazy to be hugged right now because I feel smothered. I will say that the strong, little kicks this boy has been putting out often hurt. But nothing, and I mean nothing, bothers me the way hearing, "Are there 8 in there?" does.

I am a HUGE lover of children. I think every baby is a gift from God, even the ones that are miscarried and those who are still "embryos." I don't like abortion AT ALL and will never support its legalization. I really feel as though we live in a world that thinks children are just a bi-product of life, and they are expected to live in conditions that would have been totally unacceptable for us to do ten years ago.

However, I honestly am ill at the way we've made "The Octuplets" such a news story. Yes, it's a miracle. Yes, it's amazing. Yes, only God could have allowed that to happen. Yet, I'm fully aware that God has never intended for a woman's body to carry eight children. Did it happen in the Bible? I think not. Does it happen naturally? Not exactly. There are women all over this world attempting what this mother did. That's not mine to judge or discuss; however, it does bother me that there are families pleading for just ONE... She has 14.

I am offended when people claim that I must have eight inside of me. Oh, you don't know how I wish I could mother eight children, but after miscarrying and seeing friends deal with infertility, I am completely thrilled with the one the Lord has given US. I say "US" because this mother of 8 is single. She has 6 other children. She lives with her mother. She needs governmental and volunteer aid to raise these children.

Though the media would say that this is some sort of spectacle we must all watch and see unfold, I have to disagree. They are giving children and adults alike the idea that it is "okay" to have 14 children without a husband and expect the world to help you raise them. That is NOT okay. When I have friends who would do anything to have just ONE CHILD of their own, who are fully capable of caring for and providing the needs of that child, who are more than willing to do anything just for a baby, I have a problem with the idea of a woman being medically enhanced to have more children when she already had six. She must have known she would get help. She must have realized that Oprah would want to pay her millions to simply appear on her show. She must have thought that 6 children weren't enough for her to care for, and with that in mind, these other 8 children will be a public phenomenon for the rest of their lives. It's a shame...

The Lord loves children. Read His Word, and you'll see the importance He places on them. I have no doubt that He loves those octuplets with more love than I can imagine. However, I don't believe that God loves this situation. He has morals He expects for this world, and when He looks down and sees all of this, can you imagine what He feels?

I believe I can.

I'm disgusted. I'm apalled. I'm angered. I'm saddened by the world I live in. And be it, eight or a single one, I believe that God has better plans for the children He sends us than the lives we're giving them. I know it's going public, it's all over the news, and I promised this blog wouldn't be a political one. Again, I say, it's not. It's strictly the point of view from a Christian who cares about where this country is headed, and I can't help but go public.

This Road I'm On... (Birthdays Come and Go)

Like the cars I have driven and places I have traveled, it seems like things are really different this year. When I look back at where I was last year on my twenty-fifth birthday, I realize that God was just preparing me for the year ahead. From being pregnant with my first child not knowing I'd lose it and making school my first priority unaware I would be leaving it, God was just getting me ready for the road ahead. I was naive and expected everything to simply fall into the seat beside me. That's not exactly what He had in store for my journey.

God has made clear His path for me. I know exactly where I am supposed to be on this birthday. Yes, I have lost a child, left a job, longed for a Master's degree, and questioned whether I had any faith at all. That's what all happened in this past year. God makes things so uncertain, yet His directions are so easy to read. It's just I never really took the time to read them. Last year, I would just set out on any trip I pleased without once looking at what may be in front of me.

Here I am, twenty-six years old today, and I have learned that the road I was on isn't the same as the road I'm headed down now. My life is focused on the things it should be. I'm not concerned about a career, furthering it, or even worried about my faith. I have no choice but to put complete trust in the Lord at this point. Everything is different now. I am again pregnant, yet this time around, I actually know that my baby boy is living and kicking. I stay at home, only because the Lord has allowed me to do so. I read His word, and I see His face in every situation I face. This journey is worth all I have.

I'm thankful that I'm not always in the driver's seat. Sometimes, it is an amazing feeling to simply be a passenger and allow God to take the wheel. He's led me every mile thus far, and I have no doubt that He's continuing to do so now... Birthdays, they come and go, but my God, He is forever.

Twenty-Six

Twenty-six years ago this week, my mother had little idea that I was breech. She went for her last appointment with the doctor before having me, and looking back, she realizes now that the doctor was actually feeling my rear end instead of my head. She was nine months pregnant with her first child, yet she had no idea the seriousness of what was at stake.

Twenty-six years ago next week, when my parents arrived at the hospital, my mom was surprised when the doctor told her that she needed to deliver C-section. Turns out that there was no other option, and because of the position I was in, my hip was dislocated. For six months following my birth, I wore a brace to ensure that my hip would heal correctly.

Twenty-six weeks today, and I cannot imagine what this tiny being within me is like. I cannot fathom what his facial expressions might be or what bothers him within the womb. I cannot help him when he's uncomfortable, and I cannot soothe him the way I wish I could just yet. Oh, I feel his kicks, turns, and swirls, and I cannot understand why God would bless me this much.

Next week I'll be turning twenty-six years old, and I'll be twenty-six weeks along in my second pregnancy with my first known son. It's unreal to me. It is truly awe-inspiring. There are moments, like my mother, in which I wish I knew what was taking place within. As I've endured the loss of the first pregnancy, I have learned that I love not knowing. For if I did, my emotions would overwhelm me and I wouldn't enjoy this the way I am. I am blessed. I am incredibly blessed.