Slow Down

See, in this picture you don't see that I had been rushing them from the table and telling them to "Hurry up!" repeatedly so we wouldn't be late to meet our friends. However, they understand the importance of showing our friends how much they love them, and instead of hurrying, they paid careful attention to their drawings for them, even included pennies and rocks from their collections so that their friends could start their own. In my frustration, I almost missed it...

UNTIL, they said, "Just a minute, Momma."

In that moment, I realized what they were doing was important and had meaning, and I watched in complete awe as their friends (who didn't seem to mind that we were a few minutes late) were given their special gifts. They were so excited to get them, and the boys were thrilled to give their things away! My heart was so full.

Oh, me (and mommas just like me)... it's only a minute, and there will never be another like it. Don't miss it.

Overwhelmed Much?

I am reminded on numerous occasions how overwhelming being a stay-at-home parent really is.  I wish I could say that most days are rosy and that the boys and I are busy doing crafts and learning their ABCs, but let's face it...

Just Tuesday afternoon, while I ran into the master bath for a quick restroom break, I had no idea how overwhelmed I'd be once I walked into the living room.  In the short time it took me to use the restroom, Daniel had snapped two of his train sets together on the coffee table, opened the fridge (on his own), climbed the fridge shelves, got out the carton of eggs, brought them into the living room, encouraged his brother to partake in the fun, and proceeded to crack every single egg onto the tracks, which of course, ended up all over the coffee table, my carpet, and the two of them!  I should've taken a picture, but I was so frustrated with the situation that I didn't even yell.  "Daniel, really?!" was all I mustered up to say.  The clean-up process literally took an hour.  UGH.

Then, on Wednesday morning, I had the great privilege of sharing our pregnancy news with my local MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) group.  When asked what the ages of my other children were, I replied that I'd have kids that were "3, 2, and new," and to my not-so surprise, the women (who are all mothers themselves) gasped...  All 50+ of them!  Moments like that are both exciting and overwhelming, because I realize that having three under three will not be easy.  Having two isn't easy...  Honestly, having one isn't easy. 

Having children is a constant OVERWHELMING adjustment, and it's one I adore most of the time.  There are days that I wonder how God decided I would be capable of this.  However, I'm realizing that God's grace is enough for me.  It's sufficient in these overwhelming moments of parenthood.  I'm learning that I cannot survive without His grace.  In fact, each day would be even more challenging than it already is without my life in Christ.  It's a blessing knowing that this is the life God chose for me.  He decided that the two boys who are destroying my nicely, vacuumed living room right this minute would be perfect for me.  I get shell-shocked everytime I think of that.  What's really overwhelming is that God gave me this beautiful, little life, and it's mine to enjoy if I will.  How can I not be overwhelmed by His grace when I picture these overwhelming moments like that?!

Behind LOCKED Doors...

It has got to be every mothers' fear to be separated from her children.  There is just something about not knowing where they are or what they are doing when we cannot see their sweet faces.  My heart aches for parents whose children are missing or have gone on to be with Jesus long before it was their time.  With that being said, I realize that my short story of the day seems incomparible to those who've endured much more difficult circumstances.  However, the fear that the adversary would have us all encounter came all to quickly to me today.
Without thinking anything of it, I stepped out in the garage this afternoon to grab a pack of diaper wipes off the shelf and to get each boys' riding toy (On these hot days, I dare not take the boys out in the heat!).  I hadn't made it to the shelf when I realized a cup must have fallen from the van and had created a very large ant mound in the garage!  I have a thing with ants, meaning I literally despise them, but they keep finding their way into my house.  Nevertheless, I ran back into the house to grab our ever-present-help-in-times-of-need ant spray, walked back out to the garage, and quietly closed the door behind me.

I sprayed with such determination, I was almost surprised that neither of the boys had tried to open the door and get to me.  When I'd finished the job, I got the wipes and the toys, and headed back to the door.  It was at that point, I realized I was in a mess.

There I was, in the dead of summer, locked inside the garage, outside of my house, with my two children inside.  I figured that maybe Samuel had grabbed the lock accidentally and did it, because if it'd been Daniel, he'd been screaming, "Yay, I did it!"  However, what blessed my heart (despite being scared to death) was the fact that Daniel did begin screaming soon thereafter.  He was yelling, "Mommy, where are you?  I skeered."  He was banging on the door trying to get himself to me. 

I was honestly in panic mode trying to figure out how I was going to get back in the house!  At the time, I didn't realize how easily that could have taken place, but it was hot and I couldn't see my boys!  I slowly told Daniel what to do.  I didn't think there'd be any way in the world my 2-year-old would listen to directions, but he did what he had to do.  He did exactly as I told him.  Within minutes, I was in the foyer, loving on Daniel.

Can you imagine how the Father feels to be separated from HIS children?  There are so many times I find myself way too far away from His presence, and I wonder how to get closer to Him.  It's not that difficult because God never is far away from us.  He will never leave us if we are saved by His grace.  However, our separation from Him must hurt God so deeply.  God's doors are open...  Do not lock yourself out.

Things That Make Me...

Crazy:

• Stealing.
• Hearing my 2 year old say, "Stop it!"
• When both boys are crying.
• Diapers that don't hold together too well.
• Wet beds.
• Poo-poo in the pants and not in the potty.
• The fridge's water dispenser.
• Children's snacks attracting ants.
• Watching Samuel fall while walking.
• Having to deal with bibs.

Angry:

• Daniel's strange sleeping patterns or lack thereof.
• Staying up too late.
• Not getting my to-do list accomplished.
• Bugs. 
• Finding ants in the cereal cabinet!
• Smooshed grapes.
• Spitting children.

Frustrated:

• Piles of laundry.
• Children that can climb gates.
• Spilled juice.
• The timeout technique.  Enough said.
• When Daniel pulls all the dvds out.
• When Daniel gets out all of the batteries.
• When naptime ends.
• Not getting a shower.

Laugh:

• When Daniel begs for, "Do-wa."  (Dora the Explorer)
• When my children make each other CRACK UP!
• Finding Daniel naked.
• When Daniel kisses Samuel's booty.
• Samuel's cheesy grin.
• Samuel's excitement over snacks!
• Daniel's love of candy!
• When Daniel says, "Here it comes!" while waiting for dvds to load.
• Children dancing!

Humble:

• "Goodnight Mommy."
• When I've prayed too long, "AMEN!"
• When I tell Daniel, "Stand up," while changing his clothes, he'll say, "FOR JESUS!"
• Hugs.
• Tight hugs.
• Blown kisses.
• Holding my hand to, "Show you sumthin."

Blessed:

• Blue eyes.
• Bug bites.
• Dirty clothes.
• Trails of toys.
• Crumbs for critters.
• Meals with my two babies.
• Finding deals on things I could never purchase!
• Having sweet sisters in the Lord.
• Knowing there are two babies waiting for me in Heaven.
• Realizing I have a ministry, right here in my home.
• Learning that each day is God's gift to me.
• Texts from my husband.
• Love I don't deserve.
• Having a know-so, never-goes salvation.
• Family that knows me too well.
• Being held in the arms of God.  :)

Seemingly Summer

Just as I had anticipated, it is hotter than I can handle this year.  90 degrees and I do not work well together, yet hot weather seems to be Daniel's best friend.  He begs to be outside, swinging, and/or swimming.  The only danger to this is that we do not have a fence, and Daniel does not remain in one place for too long.  Another problem I face is that Samuel is allergic to everything.  He breaks out with red spots all over his feet after he's been outdoors for like two seconds.  What's a mom to do?!

I'll tell you what I did.  I gained myself a teenager.  In more ways than one, God opened up some doors for Brian's 15-year-old cousin, James Evan, to spend some of the summer with us.  Can I tell you what an adjustment this has been for me?  Can I also mention what an incredible blessing it has been as well?!  I'm learning so much about what my future holds as a parent of two boys.  I see a lot of my "teenage" self in James, and I'm realizing how much my parents loved me.

I have cleaned more than I've ever done.  I've done more sweet tea making and gatorade mixing than I care to count.  I have held my tongue a lot more than I probably should have.  I have hurt more than I ever imagined I could.  I have waited by the door and worried more than I want to remember.

Most of all, I have learned to trust my God so much this summer thus far.  He's truly in control.  He holds time in HIS hands, and sometimes that means that I cannot get done all I've planned to accomplish each day.  It means that teething hits in the middle of the night and sleep is hard to come by.  It means my hobbies are on the backburner and that my talents are on hold.  It means I have a job that the Lord has entrusted me with, and it includes two babies, one teenager, and a good man. 

I'm ridiculously blessed this summer despite the heat. I've got it SOOO good.



Whirlwind

I feel as though life has been moving like a whirlwind lately.  Everyone tells us constantly to "enjoy it" because "they'll be grown" before we know it.  I've come to the realization that everyone isn't kidding.  I have two babies that are quicking becoming "not" babies.  In the next month and a half, I will celebrate two boys' birthdays...  Daniel will turn two, and Samuel will be one.  Go ahead, and gasp at that. 

As the boys and I hovered in the closet today, eating Dunkaroos, puffs, and pb & j's, I noticed that these moments are swiftly passing me by.  I find myself caught up in the difficulty of raising two boys under two, and I manage to miss how precious it truly is.  As the lights flickered on and off as the weather outside raged, I found myself as content as I'd ever been...  so grateful and feeling incredibly humbled that this really is my life. 

When I least expect it, God reminds me to "Be still," while I am staring in the blue-eyed boys He's entrusted me with, and no matter what winds are blowing, I can be assured that God is in control.  He knows what tomorrow holds, and be it a second birthday party or years down the road, I have these days to cherish because of Him. 



Oh, and as for the storms, our swingset and grill met their match... 

Time for a Lunch Break

We get awfully busy around this house.  I mean, there are actually nights when I get in bed and wonder if my kids saw my face that day or only in passing!  Thankfully, there are moments when the Lord just slows me down and shows me His goodness...  Usually, it's staring right back at me.  :)

So, without many words, I just wanted to share these pictures of Daniel from lunch a week ago.  It's a lunch break I'll always treasure, because from across the table, I watched as my firstborn shared his many precious faces.  If this face cannot slow a Momma down, then God surely will use it to do so!

In Full Force.

I haven't posted much lately, only because the weather's been crazy and we've been busy.  I never take the time or have the time to just sit down and type.  Either way, I know you want to know what we're up to, and here's the bulleted rundown:

• Daniel's been coughing a lot.  I took him for a sick visit after he woke with a 102.9 fever on Tuesday, and it turns out that his asthma is back in full force.  He's now on TWO inhalers.  Wow. 
• By the way, Daniel weighs 29 lbs and 9.5 oz.  He's a growing boy!  No wonder why my back always hurts.
• Samuel is in full force scooting/crawling/reaching/grabbing mode.  He literally can get to anything and everywhere in this house.  He's also sitting up on his own, eating approximately 3 jars of food a day, and weighing way too much.  Samuel is a chunky thing; it's precious for sure, but not easy on the mother's back.
• Daniel is obsessed with trains.  This train infatuation is serious business.  The kid will wake each morning, head to the hamper, and pull out his clothes/pajamas from the day before as long as they have a train on them.  He demands to wear them, dirty or not!  He begs for "Thomas" and "Sodor" all day long.  He'll tell me "t.v." so he can watch more episodes of Thomas & Friends, and I'm serious when I say the kid is demanding.  Daniel will stand and point at the television until his arm gets too tired and then begin saying, "Thomas" and "Sodor" over and over and over again. 
• Daniel has also begun a new habit of removing his clothes every chance he gets.  We've had more stains on our carpets than I care to mention (so thankful the Lord allowed us to get a carpet cleaner at a discounted price) because he refuses to tell me he is "stinky."  We're not to the potty training stage just yet because he is just now beginning to understand the word, "stinky."  Nevertheless, Daniel's nakedness has become quite normal around our house.
• The snow has happened upon our area in full force this winter!  We got 3 inches on Monday and received another 3 today.  It's beautiful!  Now, if only it weren't so cold (9 degrees is the low), I could get these boys out of the house!
• I'm painting in every second of free time I'm allowed.  It's been really difficult, and I believe I've realized that painting will have to become my third thirtieth priority once I finish my wait list.  My Lord, husband, and children have to be higher on the list, and right now, I feel as though all my family sees of me is the back of my head, facing a painting. 
• Brian is in full-on study mode.  He is always reading.  I feel as if the Lord is really teaching and him right now about a number of things, and it's an honor to sit back and watch my husband as he grows in God's word.  It's so humbling and uplifting at the same time.  He's teaching in a local prison once a week, preaching once a month in the mission and at 2-3 different prisons, and also full-time pastoring a church.  God never ceases to amaze me with how much Brian is doing.  I'm so blessed to be his wife...  :)

Sorry so quick but sleep is necessary, and it will be had in full force tonight...

A Very Blessed Birthday

It is hard to find words when the place you find yourself in is one of humility. 

I feel as though God has poured out His love and shown me His grace so greatly in the past year that I cannot begin to explain how deeply thankful I am.  I have been on the mountain and felt such peace, yet I have experienced the terrifying walk through the valley.  I have faced some of my deepest fears, and I have been given the opportunity to love and do so deeply. 

Last year, as I celebrated my birthday, I did so with a growing belly and a little one learning to walk.  I knew life would be different in the coming year.  The following month, my life literally flashed before my eyes as Brian and I were in a car wreck on the interstate, hitting the concrete median twice going 70 mph.  I remember holding my husband's hand as the car was spinning...  I wanted him to KNOW I loved him.  I recall seeing the excitement in Daniel Benjamin's face as he tore into his birthday cupcake.  I was filled with such joy that day as so many friends and family came to celebrate our first born's big day with us.  Yet, joy quickly turned to fear on Daniel's actual birthday three days later when I began bleeding.  I was only 33 weeks along in this 3rd pregnancy, and as we raced to the hospital, I knew the outcome wouldn't be good.

I can still see the concern in my doctor's eyes as he monitored my condition.  It was too early...  I needed to be moved to a hospital where there was a NICU.  I was rushed in an ambulance to Baptist where I spent the next 7 days away from Daniel, in pre-term labor, imagining what it'd be like to have two children born in the same month, only one year apart.  I couldn't wait to see the child's face!  I remember praying in that hospital room, burning up from the medication to prevent the contractions, asking God to let the baby come.  After a few more visits to the OB and 10 days of bedrest, Samuel Levi was born healthy in my 38th week on May 23rd after a quick twelve minutes of "delivery". 

I still do not know how we made it through those first few months with two babies in the house.  We were both so exhausted and frustrated over constant cries.  I suppose we couldn't have done it without the help of our family; God supplied our every need.  When summer came and went, both boys had grown so much.  I was painting as much as I could, and I was struggling to find time for everyone that needed me.  As the fall came, we took our first vacation as a family of four, and upon returning from that trip, we learned we were pregnant a fourth time.  I was certain the baby was a girl, almost immediately, but with very few symptoms and a disappointing ultrasound, December ended with the pain of losing Elisabeth Joy.

The final month of my 27th year has been both heartbreaking and filled with happiness.  I struggled in the first few days following the miscarriage.  I wanted my child's life to be validated.  I was not angry; I was simply saddened by the fact that I would never hold this baby.  Oh, but how the Lord has filled my arms!  Daniel became so loving, giving hugs and his special "muah" kisses at the most perfect times.  Samuel needed me as he became more mobile and began solid foods; he loved being held, even when I felt that I didn't have time to do so.  The snow fell more often (as it usually does around my birthdays), and I was filled with happiness watching Daniel and his Daddy enjoy trampling through the cold.  We ate snow cream like it was going out of style, and we loved a little bit deeper. 

I don't know how, but I continue to be reminded of how much God must care for me.  I look around my home and see all these things I do not deserve.  I had such pride as Samuel crawled on his hands and knees for the first time today.  I watched in amazement as Daniel laughed until he was out of breath playing hide and seek with me tonight.  I was completely thrilled seeing the number 2 and 8 candles hidden on the microwave by my sweet husband tonight (he knows how much I love cake).  I have so much more than I ever wished for!

As a blanket of snow covers the ground outside my window in the early hours of this day, my 28th birthday, I am humbled by God's unfailing love.  He has forgiven me of all my sins and was willing to make this day possible for me by giving His life.  He was able to sacrifice Himself so that I might have this day, this very minute even, to share the story of His redemption in my life.  It's unfathomable to me to think of myself that highly, yet He thought of me in that moment...  and He knew I'd be His all these years later. 

Looking Back and Looking Ahead

With one year coming to an end and with a new one at hand, my mind is consumed with how good God has been this past year.

• After months of praying over how we could get a larger vehicle, the Lord managed to total our Malibu in February on I-65 going 70 mph and hitting the median twice.  Brian and I were on our way to church, I was 7 months pregnant, Daniel had just been dropped off at his Mimi's, and somehow NONE of us were hurt.
• We celebrated our third anniversary on March 31, 2010!  I was feeling very pregnant, so we ate at Demos' and then headed to Walmart to finish up with Daniel's birthday party supplies.
• After a very difficult pregnancy and a week of bedrest, I was able to celebrate Daniel's first birthday with him.  I had worked so hard on it that the idea of not being there was hard, so it was so amazing that I was released from bedrest just days before his birthday party!
• I woke up on Daniel's first birthday on April 20, 2010, bleeding...  My doctor was certain I was going to have the baby that day, so I was transferred to Baptist to be at a hospital with a NICU seeing as I was only 35 weeks.  Despite all of the trauma, days in the hospital, and many doses of magnesium, the baby was able to stay in the womb and was in perfect condition.
• We delivered a healthy, 7.4 lb., 18 1/2 inch baby boy on May 23, 2010.  Samuel Levi was dark-headed, blue-eyed, and amazing!  Labor was fast and delivery was in 12 minutes.  Wow, what a blessing!
• Brian turned 30 on June 25, 2010, and despite having two babies on my hands, I managed to conjure up a surprise party for him!  We were blessed with friends and family there to celebrate. 
• I took both boys to Gatlinburg for the 4th of July!  My mom and Jessica invited us to go along, and though it was difficult, it'll be a memory I cherish for years to come.
• Daniel started Mother's Day Out on August 17, 2010, and since then, his vocabulary, social skills, motor skills, and thoughtfulness have taken off!  He sings and dances all the time, and it's incredible to watch him grow like this. 
• Daniel was diagnosed with asthma in September, but after a month of using an inhaler, he was FINE!  Praise God from whom all these blessing flow!
• October flew quickly by, but it was in that month that I really saw love in its purest form.  Daniel loved Samuel with more love than can be explained.  He woke every morning waiting to kiss his baby brother, and when Samuel cried Daniel wanted to help.  It was more precious than any blessing I'd received.
• In November, we were blessed by visiting Gatlinburg with my family and Thanksgiving with Brian's.  Other blessings followed...  Samuel had an ultrasound of a small skin tag on his neck that proved it was not a tumor or a cyst! We also learned of our fourth pregnancy on November 14, 2010.  Though we decided not to share it until we had more details from our doctor, we were anxious to see what God had in store.
• December 2010 was filled with surprises, blessings, and loss.  We spent such great time with our family and friends over the weekends and holidays.  We watched our boys celebrate Christmas with such excitement.  We learned how to live simply and how to love more.  We saw our fourth baby on the ultrasound screen when we believed we were 8 weeks, though it wasn't as far along as we thought, and two weeks later, we learned the baby had passed at 6 weeks.  The Lord gave me the baby's name on December 30th, but to our dismay, we had to inform family of the baby and its loss when I went in to have surgery on December 31, 2010. 

It's hard to end the year on such a sobering blessing, but we are reminded yet again that God is good.  He gives and takes away, and He turns mourning into great joy.

Seriously. Can't. Keep. Up.

The four of us have been out of town, been sick, on antibiotics, gotten infections, killed a deer, not sleeping well, starting rice cereal, not eating well, and painting like crazy in the past two weeks.  I'm serious, I don't remember what day it is or how we got here, but we have been extremely busy.  I'm not complaining at all, but I can't find time to update! 

We are all now well and moving forward... 

Oh, did I mention the boys turned 19 and 6 months old last week?!

We are B-U-S-Y

I have so much updating to do, but I cannot, for the life of me, find time to do so.  Here are some things the boys and I have been up to lately:

• The boys are really starting to show signs of what they think of each other.  Daniel sometimes gets jealous of Samuel when he's playing with his baby toys; for some reason, Daniel thinks the baby's toys are supposed to be his!  They kiss each other all the time.  They even play together now.
• Samuel is rolling all over the place.  He rolled off the bed the other night after we had walked out of the room, (for approximately 45 seconds) and THAT is how we learned he was so mobile.
• Samuel and Daniel got their first look at Christmas lights this past week and LOVED them.
• Daniel's vocabulary is astonishing!  He is saying, "No, no!"  He loves to point at "Caws (cars)," "Choo-choos," "Hats," and "Sam" or "Yule" (both of which are his baby brother).  He literally will repeat almost any word we say...  Yikes, right?!
• Daniel is a kissing fool.  He walks up to stranger kids and kisses them.  He loves to hug and blow kisses, and if you tell him you love him, he'll kiss his hand and say, "Muah."
• He's learned to hold a fork and eat with it!  He prefers drinking from adult cups rather than his sippy cups.  It's a hot mess most of the time.
• Daniel can "show" you where these body parts are:  eyes (he either squeezes them shut or covers them with his hands), ears (pulls them out like elephant ears), teeth (puts his fingers in his mouth), belly (lifts his shirt and points to it), and nose (sticks his whole finger up it).
• We went on a 5-day vacation to Gatlinburg.  Daniel loved the Steam Engine train ride at Dollywood the very best.  Samuel enjoyed trying pizza for the first time, all thanks to Grandpa.
• Both boys have infections.  Not-so-nice ones.  Daniel also has a sinus infection - he's on antibiotics and Mucinex.  Samuel has an ear infection and early signs of infant bronchialitis - he's also on antibiotics and is receiving breathing treatments three times a day.
• We need to have a yard sale.  Seriously, we have no idea how we've been so blessed with material things!
• I am painting non.stop.all.the.time.every.minute.the.boys.allow.me.  That's probably an exaggeration somewhat, but my wait list is INSANE!  I'm so grateful to have friends and family who support the gift God has given me.
• Brian is busy studying...  He stays busy with his ministry and the church!  He's in 2 or 3 prisons, preaching and teaching God's word.  He's doing some intense Wednesday night Bible studies, and he is doing a GREAT job preaching through the Beattitudes on Sunday mornings. 
• We are so thankful to have each other this season...  We've lost so many friends and loved ones since marrying each other almost four years ago that holidays are a special time for us to reflect and remember how GOOD God truly is to us. 

Playing together with a toy for the very first time

Throwing leaves while in the mountains

Smiley, little dinosaur

Brotherly love

Our family at Dollywood

A Hard, Peculiar Lesson

It has taken me three years, one preacher, two children, and a long weekend to realize that my life really is different, and I have to come to see that when God calls me to be peculiar (1 Peter 2:9) that I must be willing to do so. 

I fail miserably at being "called out."  I have a hard time wanting to be a part of "the crowd."  Yet sometimes, I feel so distant from the world, I just long to be a part of it again. 

Yet, the Lord has decided that I am to be part of a chosen generation, one that follows after Him, and He took the time to remind me today.

Thank You, Lord.

A Diaper Just Made Me Cry...

Seriously.

I ran out of newborn diapers (I literally can praise God for the fact that I've got friends who've provided us with two whole months of diapers), and I realized I had a pack of 1's (of course from friends) to put on Samuel this morning.  I teared up, not because I ran out of diapers, but because my baby is already growing up.  It happened that fast...

I realized how quickly time was passing the other day when Daniel and I were sitting at the kitchen table, he in his booster seat and I in my chair, and I handed him his own peanut butter and jelly on wheat sandwich.  I watched for what seemed like hours as this almost-15-month-old handled his own sandwich.  He fed himself his entire lunch, and though I knew these times were coming, I wasn't exactly sure how I'd feel when they hit.

I didn't know that having children would make me grow up.  I didn't understand how deeply my heart could love and how desperately I want to raise them "right."  I didn't realize how I badly I could worry and how much it hurt to see them cry.  I didn't know it would make me love my husband more and appreciate my parents more than words can express.  Most importantly, I just didn't know that God could care for me this much...

I look into the eyes of my children and feel so blessed, and yet I am so humbled by the fact that God loves me more than I could ever fathom loving my own.  I cannot imagine how much He hurts when I break His heart or end up outside of His will.  I cannot picture what it must be like watching Your own children have kids of their own, yet knowing YOU created both of them must be more fulfilling than anything this world has to offer.  What does it feel like to know that YOU hold their lives in YOUR hands and that YOU are in charge of time? 

So, today as I slipped that size 1 diaper onto my ever-changing, constantly-growing son, my eyes filled with tears knowing that these moments are quickly passing, and God, I cannot thank You enough for each second I have with them.  They are such amazing gifts, and God, YOU are the gift and the giver.  Help me always to cherish this time.  It's going by so fast...

Lately...

Samuel has slept peacefully...

Brian turned thirty, and we had an incredible surprise party!

(thanks Lori for the cake!)

We've enjoyed spending time together.

Daniel has really come ALIVE!

James Evan came to visit and spent a week with us.

I think he may have enjoyed himself!

We loved having him here -

and his extra set of hands!

We went to the zoo!

You know, we were SUPPOSED to take Daniel on his first birthday, but Samuel was busy trying to arrive early that day!  So, we made it up to Daniel!

You Wouldn't Know It...

But I have two babies on my hands.  They're not twins, but they might as well be!

I'm busy with pumping, feeding the baby, cleaning, cooking, burping the baby, cutting up food for the toddler, teaching the tot to drink through a straw, changing diaper(S), washing clothes, following the 13-month-old, making sure big brother doesn't strangle/smack/kill the little brother, saying "NO" to the tot, trying to keep the pacifiers in the baby's mouth while toddler tries to take them out, picking up toys, laying one down for a nap while the other is screaming, attempting a double stroller, healing from labor, getting the older one to say words like "Samuel," "Please," "Thank you," and "Yes," learning to live completely on a schedule, going through 15 million baby/toddler clothes' changes, and loving on them as much as possible!

Oh, it's so much fun and so exhausting and so fulfilling and such a blessing. 

However, I honestly cannot find a single minute to:  show pictures of my daily events, post about these precious boys, and not to mention, find the actual USB cord to actually upload pictures to my computer. 

So, I'll get to doing that eventually...

Complete

Just when I thought my life could not get any better, the Lord goes and does something like this...

OH, and it's so good!  I am completely overwhelmed, completely busy, and completely consumed with diapers, bottles, pumping, crying, sippy cups, schedules, and boys.  More than anything though, I am complete.   

Don't think I'm saying there are no more Johnson children in the future, because I honestly cannot promise that.  Brian and I always said we wanted four, and then we quickly realized we'd take as many as the Lord would give us.  Currently, we have three, and we have no intentions of forfeiting or preventing God's blessings. 

Yet, I am absolutely head over heels for my boys...  Brian, Daniel, and Samuel.  And as for me, I am now completely whole.

On a side note, the above photograph was taken by Chelle Gibbs.  We cannot thank her enough!  Please see other photos from our session with her here.

Wow.

A lot can happen in a really short amount of time.

Let me give you the short end of this very fast story.

1. On Daniel's birthday, Tuesday, April 20th, I started bleeding.
2. Mind you, I was only 33 weeks, 6 days pregnant.
3. I had my regular OB appointment and ultrasound that morning.
4. Turns out I had a partial placental abruption.
5. I was monitored in Hendersonville Medical Center and given a steroid shot for the baby's lungs to mature quickly in case of an emergent delivery.
6. Because I kept bleeding, it was almost inevitable that I would have to have a C-section that day.
7. So, they transferred me to Baptist Hospital where they have a NICU.
8. I had an ultrasound there...  No more abruption.
9. I had to have another steroid shot for the baby in case he came.
10. BECAUSE, I was having contractions...  2 minutes apart. 
11. They put me on Magnesium Sulfate.
12. It has awful side effects:  hot flashes, burning sensations, flu-like symptoms, etc.
13. I had to be weaned off of it in order to go home.
14. They gave me Procardia - a pill to stop contractions.
15. It has side effects too, like it dropped my blood pressure to 60/20.
16. Within three days, I was released to go home, Friday, April 23rd, at 2:00 pm.
17. By 10 pm that same night, I was back at Baptist being monitored.
18. I had been having contractions 5 minutes apart for four hours.  Pre-term labor.
19. I was sure they'd let me deliver.
20. But, they put me BACK ON MAGNESIUM.  
21. You know, the one with the terrible side effects.
22. I cried.
23. They gave me morphine.
24. I slept.
25. By Monday, April 26th, I was sent home with no restrictions and Terbutaline to take in case contractions started back up.
26. Terbutaline makes me jittery.  Heart pounds.  Really shaky.  
27. On the following day, I was able to go back to my regular OB.
28. I was given another ultrasound.
29. Dr. Nason said he had truly seen the answers to prayer...
30. The abruption seemed to have healed itself.
31. Everything looked perfect!
32. He prayed with us.
33. He also said that if I could make it until 36 weeks, he wouldn't stop me from going into labor or from delivering! 
34. That's only 7 days away...  I'm 35 weeks pregnant today.
35. Or, if we're realistic, my due date is June 2nd.  Still, that's only 5 weeks away.
36. Wow.
37. God is good and completely in control.

So Much Can Happen...

in just two weeks.

Two Sundays ago, Brian and I had just dropped Daniel off at his Mimi's so we could head to church (well, so I could actually pay attention in church) when the Lord really opened our eyes.  In less than five seconds, driving down I-65 towards Nashville, we hit a bump in the road, hydroplaned, and hit the concrete median...  twice.  I cannot remember now what I was thinking then other than if I had to die, I wanted to be holding Brian's hand.  That's exactly what I did. 

We were going so fast...  It happened so quickly that Brian began speaking prayers aloud to the Lord, and I remember wanting him to know I loved him, so I grabbed his hand as we were hitting the median the first time.  I remember also thinking that another car was going to hit us...  It didn't, and no sooner than the wreck started, we were sitting on the side of the road waiting for the police officer to write a report.  Brian and I were shaking, but the baby was just kicking as though nothing had happened.  We were sent on our way, despite the damage to both the front and rear bumpers/trunk/hood/etc., and made it to church in time.  Wow.  I still have no idea why the police didn't call for an ambulance...  I was 30 weeks pregnant!

That was two Sundays ago, right?!  The following days were a mad dash to contact insurance, get a rental, and spend the week at a Minister's School/Conference in Bowling Green, KY.  Monday, we called Farm Bureau, got our Chevy Impala rental car, and were thankful to be alive.  Tuesday, we rested and got a call from the collision shop that the damage was more than we expected, I think.  Wednesday, we headed to Bowling Green and while there, we received word that the damage to the car was extensive, and more than likely, would be considered "totaled," as well as began looking for a new vehicle and test-driving an SUV and a mini-van.  Thursday, we were back in Bowling Green, got the check for the amount of the car, got to the bank in time to deposit it, and were still feeling REALLY blessed. 

I had told Brian that I was pretty sure that the car was totaled the night it happened.  Oh, and did I mention that since we have an 11 month old and another baby on his way, that we'd been praying for a larger vehicle, specifically a van, for over 2 months?!  Friday, we actually went to Bowling Green and left to go look again at cars.  We test-drove the SUV again and were sold on it.  We also took a mini-van around the block and didn't like it compared to the SUV.  So, that night, we bought an SUV.  We paid a bit more than the amount we had been given for our totaled car, but we were genuinely thrilled. 

By the following Monday, we were back at the dealership.  Returning our SUV.  Yes, that's right, those words the dealer tells and has you sign on are important.  We remembered we had three days if by any reason we weren't satisfied with the vehicle.  And we weren't.  It had some issues.  Big ones actually.  To my knowledge, here we are a week later, and it's still sitting in the transmission section of the dealership's shop.  So, we're still on Monday, which was about 6 days ago, and we needed another car.  We had the rental, but we were given the opportunity to drive the mini-van again...  It was a little over our price range, but while we were driving it, Brian said that if he could get the dealer to a certain number, he'd buy it.  We get back, the dealer gives us "the best he could do," and we leave just an hour later with a Nissan Quest mini-van, which JUST SO HAPPENED to be a couple hundred dollars LESS than the amount we had received for our car.  Yes, divine providence.

The next few days were amazing as well.  Tuesday, we went to dinner for our third anniversary which was the following day but a church night.  We went to Demos and had Marble Slab.  Nothing fancy, but we had just bought a vehicle and were simply glad to have one another...  after our run-in with a concrete wall.  :)  Wednesday was our 3 year anniversary.  It came and went, but I honestly felt more loved than I ever expected.  Being in a fairly serious car wreck with your spouse can do that to you...  Thursday, I can't remember.  Friday, we cleaned our carpets, talked with our neighbor who just happens to be a realtor (which we're needing), and took Daniel to spend the night with his Mimi so we could get the house ready for two babies...  which meant rearranging a LOT of things and rooms in the house! Yesterday, Saturday, we cleaned more.  It was tedious and repetitive, but we're almost happy and it's just about finished. 

And today is Sunday, Easter.  We spent the day at church, eating a fabulous lunch (that my incredible sister made) with family, watched Daniel open his Easter basket from Mimi, napped, then headed back to church. 

That's just two weeks!

Oh, and I failed to mention that during these two weeks, Daniel has changed:
He got his 5th tooth. 
He began walking...  on his own...  all of the time... 
He started imitating us.
He can make cow, lion, duck, and mouse noises.
He can clap his hands.
He can find the Cheerios box in the cabinet.
He can also open the box and eat away...
He tried his first popsicle, Dorito, and cantaloupe.

Honored

Why? 
Because Christ died, for me.

Why?
Because He rose three days later, for me.

Why?
Because my husband is amazing.  He fears the Lord, loves Him faithfully, and strives to serve Him in all he does.  And, on top of all that, my husband was made for me.  Me.

Why?
Because our son is precious.  God gave us Daniel...  and though I feel at times that I fail miserably at being a parent, I am so humbled by the fact that this little boy is our responsibility, our gift.  The Lord gave Daniel to me.

Why?
Because despite who I am and what I've done, the Lord loves me.

He gives me days like today to remind me of how great He truly is.  I'm honored to be His child.  I'm so thankful that on Easter, I can truly say that my Redeemer lives.  He's risen, and He's alive.  Isn't that such an honor?