It has got to be every mothers' fear to be separated from her children. There is just something about not knowing where they are or what they are doing when we cannot see their sweet faces. My heart aches for parents whose children are missing or have gone on to be with Jesus long before it was their time. With that being said, I realize that my short story of the day seems incomparible to those who've endured much more difficult circumstances. However, the fear that the adversary would have us all encounter came all to quickly to me today.
Without thinking anything of it, I stepped out in the garage this afternoon to grab a pack of diaper wipes off the shelf and to get each boys' riding toy (On these hot days, I dare not take the boys out in the heat!). I hadn't made it to the shelf when I realized a cup must have fallen from the van and had created a very large ant mound in the garage! I have a thing with ants, meaning I literally despise them, but they keep finding their way into my house. Nevertheless, I ran back into the house to grab our ever-present-help-in-times-of-need ant spray, walked back out to the garage, and quietly closed the door behind me.
I sprayed with such determination, I was almost surprised that neither of the boys had tried to open the door and get to me. When I'd finished the job, I got the wipes and the toys, and headed back to the door. It was at that point, I realized I was in a mess.
There I was, in the dead of summer, locked inside the garage, outside of my house, with my two children inside. I figured that maybe Samuel had grabbed the lock accidentally and did it, because if it'd been Daniel, he'd been screaming, "Yay, I did it!" However, what blessed my heart (despite being scared to death) was the fact that Daniel did begin screaming soon thereafter. He was yelling, "Mommy, where are you? I skeered." He was banging on the door trying to get himself to me.
I was honestly in panic mode trying to figure out how I was going to get back in the house! At the time, I didn't realize how easily that could have taken place, but it was hot and I couldn't see my boys! I slowly told Daniel what to do. I didn't think there'd be any way in the world my 2-year-old would listen to directions, but he did what he had to do. He did exactly as I told him. Within minutes, I was in the foyer, loving on Daniel.
Can you imagine how the Father feels to be separated from HIS children? There are so many times I find myself way too far away from His presence, and I wonder how to get closer to Him. It's not that difficult because God never is far away from us. He will never leave us if we are saved by His grace. However, our separation from Him must hurt God so deeply. God's doors are open... Do not lock yourself out.
Showing posts with label Salvation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Salvation. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, August 17, 2009
Starting from Scratch
If you stopped by this blog in the past few days, you probably have noticed that I've been completely unable to finish what I've started in getting a new look for my site. It's been driving me crazy. I'll find one I like, get to work on it, and Daniel will throw the biggest fit you've ever heard. Or, I may spend Daniel's whole naptime Photoshopping a picture for a header, and for some reason, it wouldn't show up. I finally decided on a simple, Blogspot template and that I would just be starting from scratch.
That's how I feel lately with just about every single thing I do.
How about dealing with a teething baby? Well, we tried teethers, cold wash cloths, ice, Tylenol, and even the fantastic teething tablets. However, as of this week, my almost four-month-old decides that crying is the best way to handle it. For hours out of the day, this is how we do it. He cries, I fuss, and we get along just fine. It's hard though, and despite my obvious attempts at a routine, we are having to start from scratch.
How about my latest battles with cooking? Well, actually, there never was a battle; I just didn't cook, and when I did, it was either disastrous or I couldn't remember how I made it taste so good. Nothing ever repeats itself in this department. I'm just not the best at it, but today, I pulled out one of the most treasured items in my kitchen: my Nana's cookbook. It was given to me at Christmas this year, but I have never even used it because let's face it: Nana could cook... I cannot. However, starting from scratch, I made Squash Casserole tonight, and it was great. Could I do it again? Probably not.
How about handling being a housewife and new mother? Well, being these are probably some of the toughest roles I've ever been blessed to have. I've worked in food service, gift shops, and even dealth with buggars and vomit on a daily basis as a Kindergarten teacher, yet my job as a homemaker is H-A-R-D. I haven't actually MADE anything, except that I have made Daniel scream a few times and Brian ill a couple more. Only because I cannot find my way too well at this gift God's given me. I'm learning though; I mean, today, for instance, I didn't get a shower until 2:30 p.m. and no paintings are finished, and there are still clothes in the baskets, and Daniel's toys are E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E, BUT I was able to cook dinner, vacuum a few rooms, dust a few more, and take care of my precious son. If that's not starting from scratch, then I don't know what is!
How about the constant lessons I'm learning as God's child? Well, again, these are difficult for me. I'm not one that likes to be pointed out, and I rarely enjoy being the center of attention anymore. Yet God always points at me and I'm always in His view. I'm realizing that my relationship isn't as strong with Him as it should be, and studying His Word is more challenging. I can't just read the stories anymore; I've got to be getting to the heart of each scripture. I can't just show up at church each Sunday; I've got to be living each and every single day. And, I'll be honest when I say, I don't do either of those all that well. So, here I am, 16 years after being saved, and starting from scratch.
And, you know what I've heard? It's the best place to start.
That's how I feel lately with just about every single thing I do.
How about dealing with a teething baby? Well, we tried teethers, cold wash cloths, ice, Tylenol, and even the fantastic teething tablets. However, as of this week, my almost four-month-old decides that crying is the best way to handle it. For hours out of the day, this is how we do it. He cries, I fuss, and we get along just fine. It's hard though, and despite my obvious attempts at a routine, we are having to start from scratch.
How about my latest battles with cooking? Well, actually, there never was a battle; I just didn't cook, and when I did, it was either disastrous or I couldn't remember how I made it taste so good. Nothing ever repeats itself in this department. I'm just not the best at it, but today, I pulled out one of the most treasured items in my kitchen: my Nana's cookbook. It was given to me at Christmas this year, but I have never even used it because let's face it: Nana could cook... I cannot. However, starting from scratch, I made Squash Casserole tonight, and it was great. Could I do it again? Probably not.
How about handling being a housewife and new mother? Well, being these are probably some of the toughest roles I've ever been blessed to have. I've worked in food service, gift shops, and even dealth with buggars and vomit on a daily basis as a Kindergarten teacher, yet my job as a homemaker is H-A-R-D. I haven't actually MADE anything, except that I have made Daniel scream a few times and Brian ill a couple more. Only because I cannot find my way too well at this gift God's given me. I'm learning though; I mean, today, for instance, I didn't get a shower until 2:30 p.m. and no paintings are finished, and there are still clothes in the baskets, and Daniel's toys are E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E, BUT I was able to cook dinner, vacuum a few rooms, dust a few more, and take care of my precious son. If that's not starting from scratch, then I don't know what is!
How about the constant lessons I'm learning as God's child? Well, again, these are difficult for me. I'm not one that likes to be pointed out, and I rarely enjoy being the center of attention anymore. Yet God always points at me and I'm always in His view. I'm realizing that my relationship isn't as strong with Him as it should be, and studying His Word is more challenging. I can't just read the stories anymore; I've got to be getting to the heart of each scripture. I can't just show up at church each Sunday; I've got to be living each and every single day. And, I'll be honest when I say, I don't do either of those all that well. So, here I am, 16 years after being saved, and starting from scratch.
And, you know what I've heard? It's the best place to start.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
All Things New
There are 10 tiny fingers and 10 precious toes I have come to adore in the past 7 weeks. I have watched them as they held tightly onto my hands, and I have seen them as they were used to roll a little miracle over. I have never felt anything so soft, and without doubt, I have never experienced anything so new.
I can remember sitting on the couch one evening not too long ago, just rubbing my hands against his sweet feet. He would just coo and grin, but what I noticed more so was the fact that they were incredibly smooth... I could not believe how new they felt, and I quickly realized it was because they were.
His hands and feet haven't been used yet. They haven't petted an animal or played in the sand. They haven't fallen and scraped on the pavement, and they haven't held a bat or thrown a ball. They haven't needed Band-aids or Neosporin, and they haven't needed a cast. They are perfect, absolutely brand new.
Isn't that how it was when we first started our relationships with Christ? Brand new. We hadn't experienced great loss, and our hearts hadn't been hurt. We hadn't felt the pain our Christian walk would some day bring, and we didn't know what was ahead. We didn't realize that our faith would be tested and that our problems wouldn't be solved just because we wanted the Lord to. We just knew that we were His, and that truly was enough. There were no scrapes, scratches, or bruises on our relationships, and we never imagined anything could change that.
I don't know about you, but life with Christ isn't so "new" anymore. I've been saved over 15 years, and I know that things have changed since I first met my Savior. I've changed. My heart has experienced more than I could ever imagine. I have felt more pain than I feel one should ever be allowed. Honestly, I have to admit that those heartaches have caused the newness to wear off. I forget that day when I became His; the Lord took out my heart of stone and gave me a new one.
It is hard to fathom that before very long, those 10 tiny fingers and 10 precious toes won't be so new. They will have found the floor and end up in places I cannot think of now. However, they will always be precious in my eyes. They'll always be as amazing as the first day I saw them. And I have to believe that God feels the same about me... I'm not as new as I was the day He saved me, but in His eyes, I'm still the little child who ran to meet Him that April day many years ago. He is still making all things new...
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Monday, April 7, 2008
A Heavy Heart
What's actually heavier than a heavy heart?
Throughout my years, I've never once found anything more difficult than a heart that's been broken, busy aching, or deeply burdened. I've had my share of all of these. The teenage years of dating taught me what a broken heart was. None of these proved serious, and eventually God showed up and showed me how silly my sadness was. My aching heart comes into play when I've seen or heard of something that upsets me. From childless marriages and lack of parenting, to this upcoming 2008 election and every evening news I watch, my heart just yearns for changes in these situations, yet my aching heart doesn't do anything for helping those involved. A burdened heart is one I'm quite familiar with.
I remember the first time I ever was burdened; it came when I was 10-years-old at church. The pastor had asked for a handshake from the church, and as I went around the circle, clasping hands with friends and the adults, my heart started feeling incredibly heavy. That was the moment when I realized that that heavy feeling I would sometimes get throughout my life would be the Holy Spirit moving in me. This, just so happened, to the be first time I ever experienced it. But Jesus said in Matthew 11:29-30, "Become my servants and learn from me. I am gentle and free of pride. You will find rest for your souls. Serving me is easy, and my burden is light." So immediately, I realized my condition: the Lord was working in my heart and offering His plan of salvation to me. It was nothing I had done to deserve Him, but He came to me. I humbly bowed and prayed for that burden to be lifted, and within minutes, He had taken my burden upon Himself, and I was saved and free.
I think now that then I thought my life would be free of burdens because of that moment. Don't get me wrong; it (my getting savedd) only happened once, and that's all I need to know that I have a home in Heaven. But my burdens continue. He often shows me that He's willing, but my flesh is weak (Mark 14:38). I look around my classroom even today and ponder how many of these precious children would come to know Him. It grieved my heart to think that very few would be taught the truth, that Jesus is the way, the TRUTH, and the life (John 14:6).
That's when I remembered a prayer I prayed many years ago... I guess it's not been that long, but I think back to a time when I was imagining what my future children's names would be... This was before there was our Ethan Caleb (who's now passed on to be with Jesus) and much earlier than there was a Brian and me. It was one of those moments in your teenage years when you think of all the creative names for children, and you sit and write them down, maybe in your Bible or in a journal, but you never forget about it. I had one of those times... I barely remember the names now, because God changes your plans whether it be for marriage and/or your children's names, but as I thought about my children-to-come, I prayed one simple prayer. It was something about how I wished that if my children were not going to be saved, I'd rather the Lord take them before they enter this world. How ironic that is to me now!
I have ached... and cried... and been angry... and spiteful... and bitter... and miserable... and so BROKEN since God took Ethan from us. It wasn't until today that God burdened me with that long-forgotten prayer of MINE. My eyes fill with tears as I type this, but I realize that God knows what He's doing. I've learned that it takes a burden to relieve another one, and my heart now understands that God knows best. It hurts and the pain is at times unbearable, but I know that whatever God does is beautiful in time.
There's nothing beautiful about heartache, my brokenness, or these burdens that come on ever so weighty, but God's Word says that "He hath made every thing beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)." In time, God will heal this wound just as he took that burden away so long ago. I am excited to see God's future plans for me, and I pray that I will wait in anticipation with a heart lifted up toward Him.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE."
Throughout my years, I've never once found anything more difficult than a heart that's been broken, busy aching, or deeply burdened. I've had my share of all of these. The teenage years of dating taught me what a broken heart was. None of these proved serious, and eventually God showed up and showed me how silly my sadness was. My aching heart comes into play when I've seen or heard of something that upsets me. From childless marriages and lack of parenting, to this upcoming 2008 election and every evening news I watch, my heart just yearns for changes in these situations, yet my aching heart doesn't do anything for helping those involved. A burdened heart is one I'm quite familiar with.
I remember the first time I ever was burdened; it came when I was 10-years-old at church. The pastor had asked for a handshake from the church, and as I went around the circle, clasping hands with friends and the adults, my heart started feeling incredibly heavy. That was the moment when I realized that that heavy feeling I would sometimes get throughout my life would be the Holy Spirit moving in me. This, just so happened, to the be first time I ever experienced it. But Jesus said in Matthew 11:29-30, "Become my servants and learn from me. I am gentle and free of pride. You will find rest for your souls. Serving me is easy, and my burden is light." So immediately, I realized my condition: the Lord was working in my heart and offering His plan of salvation to me. It was nothing I had done to deserve Him, but He came to me. I humbly bowed and prayed for that burden to be lifted, and within minutes, He had taken my burden upon Himself, and I was saved and free.
I think now that then I thought my life would be free of burdens because of that moment. Don't get me wrong; it (my getting savedd) only happened once, and that's all I need to know that I have a home in Heaven. But my burdens continue. He often shows me that He's willing, but my flesh is weak (Mark 14:38). I look around my classroom even today and ponder how many of these precious children would come to know Him. It grieved my heart to think that very few would be taught the truth, that Jesus is the way, the TRUTH, and the life (John 14:6).
That's when I remembered a prayer I prayed many years ago... I guess it's not been that long, but I think back to a time when I was imagining what my future children's names would be... This was before there was our Ethan Caleb (who's now passed on to be with Jesus) and much earlier than there was a Brian and me. It was one of those moments in your teenage years when you think of all the creative names for children, and you sit and write them down, maybe in your Bible or in a journal, but you never forget about it. I had one of those times... I barely remember the names now, because God changes your plans whether it be for marriage and/or your children's names, but as I thought about my children-to-come, I prayed one simple prayer. It was something about how I wished that if my children were not going to be saved, I'd rather the Lord take them before they enter this world. How ironic that is to me now!
I have ached... and cried... and been angry... and spiteful... and bitter... and miserable... and so BROKEN since God took Ethan from us. It wasn't until today that God burdened me with that long-forgotten prayer of MINE. My eyes fill with tears as I type this, but I realize that God knows what He's doing. I've learned that it takes a burden to relieve another one, and my heart now understands that God knows best. It hurts and the pain is at times unbearable, but I know that whatever God does is beautiful in time.
There's nothing beautiful about heartache, my brokenness, or these burdens that come on ever so weighty, but God's Word says that "He hath made every thing beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)." In time, God will heal this wound just as he took that burden away so long ago. I am excited to see God's future plans for me, and I pray that I will wait in anticipation with a heart lifted up toward Him.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE."
Monday, January 15, 2007
Go... Expecting a Blessing.
I'm learning very quickly that God is doing some amazing things in my life. He's opening doors for me that would have never been possible, but I can't explain why and I'm not exactly sure how He puts these people in my path to help me understand where I'm supposed to be... It's not about these people though. It's all about leading me down a path that will take me closer to Him, and though I've tried to make my own way, God's expecting me, asking me, pleading with me to follow Him, and in doing so, I've been blessed far more than I deserve.
Friday night, I came home with the anticipation of sitting on the couch and doing a lot of nothing. I didn't feel like doing anything; I was tired from the day, and I did not want to be interrupted. That was until God moved, and He moved in a big way. He had moved in the heart of my precious friend, Daniel. Daniel called, and I knew as soon as he called that we needed to talk. God said, "Go... and expect a blessing." I knew that God had a hand in the two of us meeting up that night. God has had a hand in both of our lives in an extremely similar way. I believe D calls it hitting a "spiritual wall," but we've both hit them at the same times in our lives, and we've always known that the other was in the same position. It's not until now that the Lord has taken a firm hold over the both of us and directed our paths to cross in a HUGE way. Dinner and a movie have never gone this way for me before... They were solely based on the will of God, expressing our thoughts on the past, for the future, and sharing scriptures. I left feeling stronger than I ever had, excited to study and pray, and anxious about how God was going to WORK... I cannot explain this now, simply because I don't know what the future holds when God is in control, but He has a plan in which D and I seem to be walking side by side and creating a major force for Him...
Sunday was exactly the same. I woke up not feeling anxious to get to church but actually nervous about teaching my 7 and 8 year olds their lesson that morning. I was struggling over how to make it "real" for them. Teaching stories from the Bible isn't ever easy for me as it was never that simplistic and fun for me as a child. I walked into our little classroom, and the Lord said, "Stop. Review what I have taught you." We had been studying, "We Worship God because He is Powerful" for six weeks. Take in mind that when I first started with these kids, they did not know who Mary and Joseph were, and Adam and Eve were foreign characters to them. I questioned God for all of two seconds but asked the children to take a tally of every question they answered aloud and the child with the most would receive a prize next week. It didn't take long for me to see how POWERFUL God truly is. These kids were fighting for questions, and their answers could not be better if I would have answered them myself. I was in awe. "Go... expecting a blessing." I was so humbled by God's movement in the room, our class of 3 children and me, their inexperienced teacher who is learning WITH them. It was so amazing.
I knew God wasn't finished. Sunday night, Alicia, my best friend, and I drove to see my sweet friend and pastor, Brian, preach in the church where he preached his first sermon three years ago. This time, I went EXPECTING A BLESSING, but what I received was so much more. We drove to Brian's hometown, two hours west, to Clarksburg, Tennessee, in a town where the new Dollar General was quite the excitement until the newspaper recently printed that there is talk of a 10-screen movie theater may possibly be in the works. We heard an amazing sermon, straight from the throne of God, and I know that it was directed toward everyone sitting in that small church building. "What will you leave behind?" I thought of his words as I drove home tonight, and I contemplated the ideas others might have of me if I were to leave this world sooner than later. Have I truly lived the life God expected of me? That's easy because I haven't. Am I living it right now? Of course not. I can't be leaving behind the true meaning of my life.
In a week from today, I will be celebrating my 24th birthday, and in those 24 years, I have made some amazing memories. The friendships I have made and lost over the years have shaped me into and out of the person I have become in some ways. My family has been more wonderful than anything I could have ever deserved, and they have pushed me to strive for nothing short of the very best in me in most ways. So, I guess, most people would look back on my life and see the memories in photographs of the friends and family that fill my rooms. But, to me, that's not what has made my life worth living, and though I haven't always said so, it's something that can't be seen in a picture.
I was 10 years old, kneeling at a church bench, when my life changed, and I received the true meaning of life. Not an hour before I ran to that bench, I had walked around in a handshake, and I realized that I didn't know if I was going to Heaven. God gently tapped on my heart, but I was scared. I ran to the bathroom, sat in the floor of the back stall, when my best friend, Amanda, and her mom, came and asked me if I needed to pray. It was like God was telling me to, "Go... expect a blessing." I didn't just walk to pray; I ran. I had to KNOW that I was going to Heaven, and I had to make it right with God that day. It couldn't wait. I cried out to Him for what seemed like forever; I heard others in the church praying for me too, but it was ultimately up to me to make it right with God. When I let go, and let God have control, it was then I received the greatest blessing and my purpose for living. The burden was gone, and I knew I was going to Heaven.
I guess what I am trying to say by all of this is that I can try to live my life the way I want to, but it will never be enough to satisfy me the way that God can. He gives me everything I need when I don't even realize that He can and will. He proves Himself to me time and time again. It's when I'm at my lowest that He picks me up and takes me back to the place where my life REALLY began, and that's the time when I found the truest blessing.
Friday night, I came home with the anticipation of sitting on the couch and doing a lot of nothing. I didn't feel like doing anything; I was tired from the day, and I did not want to be interrupted. That was until God moved, and He moved in a big way. He had moved in the heart of my precious friend, Daniel. Daniel called, and I knew as soon as he called that we needed to talk. God said, "Go... and expect a blessing." I knew that God had a hand in the two of us meeting up that night. God has had a hand in both of our lives in an extremely similar way. I believe D calls it hitting a "spiritual wall," but we've both hit them at the same times in our lives, and we've always known that the other was in the same position. It's not until now that the Lord has taken a firm hold over the both of us and directed our paths to cross in a HUGE way. Dinner and a movie have never gone this way for me before... They were solely based on the will of God, expressing our thoughts on the past, for the future, and sharing scriptures. I left feeling stronger than I ever had, excited to study and pray, and anxious about how God was going to WORK... I cannot explain this now, simply because I don't know what the future holds when God is in control, but He has a plan in which D and I seem to be walking side by side and creating a major force for Him...
Sunday was exactly the same. I woke up not feeling anxious to get to church but actually nervous about teaching my 7 and 8 year olds their lesson that morning. I was struggling over how to make it "real" for them. Teaching stories from the Bible isn't ever easy for me as it was never that simplistic and fun for me as a child. I walked into our little classroom, and the Lord said, "Stop. Review what I have taught you." We had been studying, "We Worship God because He is Powerful" for six weeks. Take in mind that when I first started with these kids, they did not know who Mary and Joseph were, and Adam and Eve were foreign characters to them. I questioned God for all of two seconds but asked the children to take a tally of every question they answered aloud and the child with the most would receive a prize next week. It didn't take long for me to see how POWERFUL God truly is. These kids were fighting for questions, and their answers could not be better if I would have answered them myself. I was in awe. "Go... expecting a blessing." I was so humbled by God's movement in the room, our class of 3 children and me, their inexperienced teacher who is learning WITH them. It was so amazing.
I knew God wasn't finished. Sunday night, Alicia, my best friend, and I drove to see my sweet friend and pastor, Brian, preach in the church where he preached his first sermon three years ago. This time, I went EXPECTING A BLESSING, but what I received was so much more. We drove to Brian's hometown, two hours west, to Clarksburg, Tennessee, in a town where the new Dollar General was quite the excitement until the newspaper recently printed that there is talk of a 10-screen movie theater may possibly be in the works. We heard an amazing sermon, straight from the throne of God, and I know that it was directed toward everyone sitting in that small church building. "What will you leave behind?" I thought of his words as I drove home tonight, and I contemplated the ideas others might have of me if I were to leave this world sooner than later. Have I truly lived the life God expected of me? That's easy because I haven't. Am I living it right now? Of course not. I can't be leaving behind the true meaning of my life.
In a week from today, I will be celebrating my 24th birthday, and in those 24 years, I have made some amazing memories. The friendships I have made and lost over the years have shaped me into and out of the person I have become in some ways. My family has been more wonderful than anything I could have ever deserved, and they have pushed me to strive for nothing short of the very best in me in most ways. So, I guess, most people would look back on my life and see the memories in photographs of the friends and family that fill my rooms. But, to me, that's not what has made my life worth living, and though I haven't always said so, it's something that can't be seen in a picture.
I was 10 years old, kneeling at a church bench, when my life changed, and I received the true meaning of life. Not an hour before I ran to that bench, I had walked around in a handshake, and I realized that I didn't know if I was going to Heaven. God gently tapped on my heart, but I was scared. I ran to the bathroom, sat in the floor of the back stall, when my best friend, Amanda, and her mom, came and asked me if I needed to pray. It was like God was telling me to, "Go... expect a blessing." I didn't just walk to pray; I ran. I had to KNOW that I was going to Heaven, and I had to make it right with God that day. It couldn't wait. I cried out to Him for what seemed like forever; I heard others in the church praying for me too, but it was ultimately up to me to make it right with God. When I let go, and let God have control, it was then I received the greatest blessing and my purpose for living. The burden was gone, and I knew I was going to Heaven.
I guess what I am trying to say by all of this is that I can try to live my life the way I want to, but it will never be enough to satisfy me the way that God can. He gives me everything I need when I don't even realize that He can and will. He proves Himself to me time and time again. It's when I'm at my lowest that He picks me up and takes me back to the place where my life REALLY began, and that's the time when I found the truest blessing.
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