Going Public

I'll admit that my feelings get upset when people mention how big I am to have 12 weeks left of pregnancy. I'll even tell you that it drives me crazy to be hugged right now because I feel smothered. I will say that the strong, little kicks this boy has been putting out often hurt. But nothing, and I mean nothing, bothers me the way hearing, "Are there 8 in there?" does.

I am a HUGE lover of children. I think every baby is a gift from God, even the ones that are miscarried and those who are still "embryos." I don't like abortion AT ALL and will never support its legalization. I really feel as though we live in a world that thinks children are just a bi-product of life, and they are expected to live in conditions that would have been totally unacceptable for us to do ten years ago.

However, I honestly am ill at the way we've made "The Octuplets" such a news story. Yes, it's a miracle. Yes, it's amazing. Yes, only God could have allowed that to happen. Yet, I'm fully aware that God has never intended for a woman's body to carry eight children. Did it happen in the Bible? I think not. Does it happen naturally? Not exactly. There are women all over this world attempting what this mother did. That's not mine to judge or discuss; however, it does bother me that there are families pleading for just ONE... She has 14.

I am offended when people claim that I must have eight inside of me. Oh, you don't know how I wish I could mother eight children, but after miscarrying and seeing friends deal with infertility, I am completely thrilled with the one the Lord has given US. I say "US" because this mother of 8 is single. She has 6 other children. She lives with her mother. She needs governmental and volunteer aid to raise these children.

Though the media would say that this is some sort of spectacle we must all watch and see unfold, I have to disagree. They are giving children and adults alike the idea that it is "okay" to have 14 children without a husband and expect the world to help you raise them. That is NOT okay. When I have friends who would do anything to have just ONE CHILD of their own, who are fully capable of caring for and providing the needs of that child, who are more than willing to do anything just for a baby, I have a problem with the idea of a woman being medically enhanced to have more children when she already had six. She must have known she would get help. She must have realized that Oprah would want to pay her millions to simply appear on her show. She must have thought that 6 children weren't enough for her to care for, and with that in mind, these other 8 children will be a public phenomenon for the rest of their lives. It's a shame...

The Lord loves children. Read His Word, and you'll see the importance He places on them. I have no doubt that He loves those octuplets with more love than I can imagine. However, I don't believe that God loves this situation. He has morals He expects for this world, and when He looks down and sees all of this, can you imagine what He feels?

I believe I can.

I'm disgusted. I'm apalled. I'm angered. I'm saddened by the world I live in. And be it, eight or a single one, I believe that God has better plans for the children He sends us than the lives we're giving them. I know it's going public, it's all over the news, and I promised this blog wouldn't be a political one. Again, I say, it's not. It's strictly the point of view from a Christian who cares about where this country is headed, and I can't help but go public.

Choice. What Exactly Does That Mean?

I have struggled in years past on making decisions. I have had the hardest time choosing who to date, what to wear, and how to fit in. I have always been a people pleaser. I want to make sure that everyone likes me and have always tried to be friends, or at least civil, with every person I have ever met. However, I have had some serious issues with making my own decisions.

In high school, I seemed to always follow the crowd. I'm not proud of that now, but it is what it was. I tended to do whatever everyone else was doing, be it a good decision or not. Cigarettes, alcohol, unhealthy relationships (are just a few)... I did all of those simply because I felt as though I had to to maintain my status among my peers.

It seems as though that society wants me to do the same thing now that I am an adult. I am supposed to accept what culture says is right, and I am encouraged to raise my future children in that same manner. Five years ago, I would have had no problem with that, but my convictions have changed since my last few birthdays. I have learned that the only person I need accepting from is my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have come to terms with the fact that my opinions aren't your typical ones because I stand firmly on the fact that God dictates most all of them.

Now, I'm not saying that all of my decisions are Christ-centered or even Scripturely-based. I usually fail at being the person God sees me as, the one He saved when I was a mere ten years old. However, as a wife, former teacher, young woman, parent-to-be, Christian, I have to stand on His Word, even when that means I don't agree with my friends, relatives, and even this United States in which I live.

Decisions are always hard. God tends to make them especially easy. That's probably why I've been so torn lately over whether or not to even state my opinion regarding the state our country is in. Just the other day, I made a comment about not voting for Obama but praying wholeheartedly for him. That is my duty as a citizen in this great nation; I support him because I have to uphold my service, most importantly, as a Christian. I also commented that I wasn't particularly thrilled with a particular policy he had already made in his four, short days as President. That's my right. I am allowed to stand for the same things my FATHER would.

Choice? I'm not sure what that means anymore in the age I live in. People make choices all of the time that are so far away from what I would do. That's not the point. The fact of the matter is that every choice we make will affect others. There are consequences and reactions to those choices, and yet, this world tells us that every choice can be fixed.

Bailouts. Abortion. Homosexuality. All of these are an "okay" choice today in this society. IT IS A TOTAL LIE. You can choose any of these, and the outcome will still be the same. We, this nation, this people, grow further and further away from God with every CHOICE we seem to be making. Why not make the choice of saving money and not spending what we do not have? Why not make the choice to remain abstinent until marriage? Why not make the choice to live as God would have us, as one man and one woman commited for life? WHY NOT?!

Those are the choices I wish I would have been taught in school (not just at home or in church). I wish that my culture hadn't bombarded me with commercials and movies that told me it was completely acceptable to live however I chose. I wish that I would have known then what I know now. Why does this happen? Because we often tell kids and each other that going against the Word of God is OKAY even when it's not. Walk into a classroom of 6-7 year olds; they'll tell you what sex is, what drugs are, and what gay means. They know already, and it's our fault. We've fallen away from God, and we have chosen things that were never His intention.

I have always tried to keep this blog strictly as my daily personal experiences, and I have never intentionally tried to offend anyone by the thoughts I've written so openly. However, I imagine this particular post may offend some, and even turn others away from reading. Let me say that it is not my purpose to offend you or upset you to anger. I simply write because I am hurt, disappointed, and worried about the future my child is being born into. I appreciate your reading, and do not intend to make this blog a political one. I simply want to be one who's leading others toward Christ. If I have succeeded in doing so, then to God be all of the glory.

Living in a Great, Big World

I cannot help but look at the world around me differently. Something about the fact that I am carrying one of His very own within me makes me view life in a fascinating way. When I was pregnant for the first time, it seemed so surreal, yet I never could have understood then what I realize now.

Sometimes I take so many things forgranted. I complain so often about how I have very little purpose in life. I find myself wishing I were back at school just to hear NOISE all over again. I hear myself saying how lonely I am. I notice how I have come to enjoy simply being alone.

When God told me to leave school, I thought it was the best and worst thing that could have happened to me. Best because I was so unhappy, so burdened, and so emotional being in front of 20 little children. Worst because when I reached the solitude of being in a room all by myself, I would be forced to face the silence that I, for so long, tried to avoid.

Yet, I see now that God was working out His plan for my life. I could have never understood what it meant then, but now I realize that He was expecting me to bring life into this great, big world. I sit in the house alone now and simply breathe in. I wake knowing that life has changed. I cry with little reason. I know deeply that it is the little one inside me that excites me to no end. I live with a great understanding of what God is capable of.

And as small as I am, He has chosen me for this reason... To live for Christ, and to love as He does. It's really as easy as that.