Easter Blessings

There is such hope on Easter...

There is a newness, a sense that something has changed. I don't think it rests in the daffodils or the buttercups. I am certain it has nothing to do with our Easter best or baskets.

I felt it in the way the clouds rolled back, and the sun broke through. I saw it in the faces of my brothers and sisters at church as they sang praises. I heard it in the Sermon the Lord spoke through my husband...

HOPE.

It is what Easter brings.

It really wasn't the easiest day. I was stressed most of it, trying to get dressed, get the boys' clothes just right, the perfect picture, knowing they needed a nap but didn't get it, and I was rushing through it wrapped in my own nerves.

However, as I remember what Jesus did for us by dying on a cruel cross, suffering for our sins, and rising so that we might be made righteous, I am overcome with the hope of the Gospel and the blessings I don't deserve.  How great God's love is for us!

I tend to get overwhelmed by details and lose sight of what's really important in this life. It was looking through these pictures from Easter that God reminded me of the great hope we have in Him...

I am so unworthy, yet Christ willingly gave His life so that the faces in these pictures might have hope. I am humbled by the fact that not only my children, but everyone can have the hope of eternity because of the greatest Easter blessing, Jesus.

In Case I Forget...

As of lately, Daniel is quite clever with his sing-song way of talking as well as his ridiculously blatant honesty.  He loves singing and telling the truth.  I often forget to write these things down, so I wanted to make certain these were in print.

February 25:
Daniel raised his hand in chapel today and told Mrs. Becky that he needed to sing a song. She asked if it was one that his whole class knew, and he said, "No, just me." So, she put him on the benches in front of everyone, and he sang these words:

You were reaching through the storm 
Walking on the water 
Even when I could not see 
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

-Not For a Moment by Meredith Andrews 

March 25:
"Mom, we can't lay down; we have too much energy." 

April 8:
While getting ready this morning, I overhear Daniel singing to a particular tune, "Mommy, Mommy, can I tell you something?" I answer him and he replies, "I love you!" He goes on about his singing, but this time, he sings the REAL words to the tune he'd been carrying: 

"Alive, alive, alive forevermore! My Jesus is alive, alive forevermore. Alive, alive, alive forevermore! My Jesus is ALIVE!"

Easter Events

Easter is very important to our family.  Not the eggs and hunts or the baskets and chocolate, but we are really focused on teaching our children what Easter really is about:  the death and resurrection of our Savior.  Now, I realize that our children are only toddlers, but we try to speak often of Jesus and read the Bible daily.  So, when Easter and all of its events roll around, it's prime time we mention Jesus' purpose clearly to our kids. 

Daniel hunted eggs (at his Mother's Day Out party) with the best of them.  He knew which candies he liked and the ones he'd rather give to Dad.  He and Samuel loved opening their baskets from Mimi: finding dollars and quarters in their eggs, getting new trains and cars, and eating until their bellies ached.  However, Daniel can tell the story of Jesus by looking at the pictures in his Baby Blessings Bible and The Very First Easter book.  That, to me, is what Easter IS truly about.

Here is our Easter in pictures:

Showing off the loot from

his Mother's Day Out Egg Hunt

Despite not being able to hunt eggs

or go to Mother's Day Out,

Samuel's sweet teacher made sure

he had his own bucket of goodies!

Checking out whose bucket was best

Easter Sunday

Heading out the door to church

Our somewhat annual Easter picture

in Mimi's backyard...

Please take a moment to understand that

pictures with toddlers, pregnant women,

and preacher dads aren't always ideal.

That being said,

Brian had changed out of his suit

before I had even unloaded the car,

Daniel had had an accident

in his brown pants thus the green shorts,

and I was about to sweat to death.

I honestly love this picture.

It's SO our life right now.

Daniel gets his "cheese" from his Momma.

This makes me laugh because Daniel and I

have an almost identical picture to this

from two years ago when I was pregnant

with Samuel...  I was actually wearing

this same dress 2 years ago!

Loving on Mimi

Playing in the fountain in Mimi's backyard

Samuel admiring his new Francesco Cars 2 car

"It's dollars, Mommy!"

I don't know who was more excited

about the Easter baskets...

The boys or their Daddy?!

Easter Bunny Chocolate +

A Chocolate Loving Boy =

Pure Satisfaction

Holidays Really Get to Me...

Don't ask me why exactly, because truly there are a number of reasons.  When I was newly dating Brian (well, actually, just days after the Lord told me that I'd marry him), he mentioned that he wasn't a huge fan of Santa...  or Halloween and costumes...  or the Easter Bunny.  My mouth could have dropped.  It more than likely did.  I remember thinking to myself that "I could change his mind," and that there was "no way my children would be missing out on holiday fun."

My, how the thoughts have shifted!  I have almost become the "grinch" when it comes to holidays.  Mainly just the ones that are truly about Jesus and have actually become so focused on pagan rituals.  I mean, where did Santa Claus come from?  And, exactly who thought it'd be a good idea to dress children in black wigs, fake teeth, and thick make-up for the sake of a scary costume?  And, how did chasing after eggs sound like something that made any sense at all?

Don't get me wrong, but my mind is aching over the fact that the world revolves around EVERYTHING except Jesus.  You cannot even get to the fruit section at Walmart without craving a chocolate bunny or sneezing your head off due to the lilies and daisies this time of year!  Forgive me for saying so, but I am heart-broken over the idea of kids not knowing who Jesus Christ is, but being able to tell you every single detail about eight reindeer and a bunny who delivers baskets.  Where have we lost our way?  When did this life become more about tradition than the TRUTH?

I must admit...  I loved picking out Daniel's three Christmas gifts and watching him as he got his first glimpse of the lights on the tree.  I had a blast dressing him up as a lion for Halloween.  I even enjoyed finding the perfect Easter outfit for him as well (which I found at consignment for $2).  I really have tried to incorporate Christ into the center of each and every holiday we've had with Daniel.  But as a parent, I'm starting to realize how my actions reflect what my children are going to remember about each holiday and the real reason behind each of them. 

I am not completely against holidays or meaning to "bash" those of you who participate in them, but I recently have become aware of my conviction that I want to be different...  peculiar, even, as Scripture says.  I want the world to know that I love the Lord and want Him to be the focus my family has.  I don't want to be bombarded with the what-I-seem-to-make overwhelming issues of picking out what to wear for each special service and cutting down a tree.  I want to remember and be an example as to the fact that Jesus was lowly, humble, meek...  He didn't dress in new linens.  He didn't focus on what His appearance was.  He actually was willing to die on a tree for my sake...  for the world, that is.  So, when these holidays arrive each year, and if I have trouble distinguishing between truth and tradition, I want to be certain that my heart is where is should be on a daily basis...  Focused on the real meaning behind each one:

Jesus Christ.


I write this only because I have truly struggled over how to parent my child in a Christian manner.  I have often wondered if we should celebrate holidays at all or have parties that focus on anything other than God.  Maybe it is because I am young in the faith and still have a great deal to learn, but I have come to know that there IS more to life than merely what we have made of it. 

Picture Perfect

"Come now, and let us reason together," 

says the LORD,

"Though your sins are as scarlet,

They will be as white as snow..."

Isaiah 1:18

Your back porch may not look like ours, but I was reminded just yesterday how God sees those of us who have experienced His grace.  Sometimes, I feel as if I'm covered in red paint, but the beautiful picture God's left behind in His Word and of His world help me put things into perspective. 

Fearless...

It's not everyday that I open up and completely share my emotions.  It's not often that I have to admit to my insecurities.  It's not enjoyable when other people see me cry, and I am not a huge fan of feeling vulnerable. 

Oh, but sisters, I am.  I am emotional.  I am completely insecure.  I cry, and I am ridiculously vulnerable in the fact that I need to share something I've learned.  If I haven't said so, I am neck deep in the Esther Bible study with Beth Moore.  I have never been so moved to open my heart and fall face first into the arms of Jesus.  Because Beth is right, "It's Tough Being a Woman." And do you know why it's tough for me?  Do you know what I've been struggling with for months now?

Fear. 

I mean, full-fledged, scared to sleep, terrified to live kind of fear, and I am so sick of it.  I have been dealing with fear from all angles of my life.  Every aspect of fear, from the fearing of my lack of control, being fearful of being lonely in regards to faithful friendships, to being horrified of failing, to my struggles with making decisions, and even scared of death.  I could go in great detail over all of these.  I could tell you that I am fearful of losing control.  I am so miserable over not having solid Christian relationships.  I am sick over the idea of failing at being a wife, a mother, a Christian, you name it.  I have the most difficult time making decisions over fear of making the wrong ones.  I could tell you that I am so scared of losing loved ones. But honestly, it wouldn't do me or you any good.

What I have realized (with the aid of Beth Moore) is that each fear I have is a motive for the devil.  He attacks me when I am fearful and scared, and I am almost certain, if you're willing to admit it, that Satan is doing the same to you.  Sweet friends, let's take hold of these fears and no longer be gripped by them.  Because it's our gift from the Lord to be able to LIVE.  And not just live but live it more abundantly.  Fear is not included in that gift.  Jesus set us free from that fear when He saved our souls.  And that's a good thing for me, because I don't want to live like this.  I want to look life straight in the face and LIVE...  fearlessly.

I don't know how it could get any better than that.

All Things New

There are 10 tiny fingers and 10 precious toes I have come to adore in the past 7 weeks. I have watched them as they held tightly onto my hands, and I have seen them as they were used to roll a little miracle over. I have never felt anything so soft, and without doubt, I have never experienced anything so new.

I can remember sitting on the couch one evening not too long ago, just rubbing my hands against his sweet feet. He would just coo and grin, but what I noticed more so was the fact that they were incredibly smooth... I could not believe how new they felt, and I quickly realized it was because they were.

His hands and feet haven't been used yet. They haven't petted an animal or played in the sand. They haven't fallen and scraped on the pavement, and they haven't held a bat or thrown a ball. They haven't needed Band-aids or Neosporin, and they haven't needed a cast. They are perfect, absolutely brand new.

Isn't that how it was when we first started our relationships with Christ? Brand new. We hadn't experienced great loss, and our hearts hadn't been hurt. We hadn't felt the pain our Christian walk would some day bring, and we didn't know what was ahead. We didn't realize that our faith would be tested and that our problems wouldn't be solved just because we wanted the Lord to. We just knew that we were His, and that truly was enough. There were no scrapes, scratches, or bruises on our relationships, and we never imagined anything could change that.

I don't know about you, but life with Christ isn't so "new" anymore. I've been saved over 15 years, and I know that things have changed since I first met my Savior. I've changed. My heart has experienced more than I could ever imagine. I have felt more pain than I feel one should ever be allowed. Honestly, I have to admit that those heartaches have caused the newness to wear off. I forget that day when I became His; the Lord took out my heart of stone and gave me a new one.

It is hard to fathom that before very long, those 10 tiny fingers and 10 precious toes won't be so new. They will have found the floor and end up in places I cannot think of now. However, they will always be precious in my eyes. They'll always be as amazing as the first day I saw them. And I have to believe that God feels the same about me... I'm not as new as I was the day He saved me, but in His eyes, I'm still the little child who ran to meet Him that April day many years ago. He is still making all things new...

Choice. What Exactly Does That Mean?

I have struggled in years past on making decisions. I have had the hardest time choosing who to date, what to wear, and how to fit in. I have always been a people pleaser. I want to make sure that everyone likes me and have always tried to be friends, or at least civil, with every person I have ever met. However, I have had some serious issues with making my own decisions.

In high school, I seemed to always follow the crowd. I'm not proud of that now, but it is what it was. I tended to do whatever everyone else was doing, be it a good decision or not. Cigarettes, alcohol, unhealthy relationships (are just a few)... I did all of those simply because I felt as though I had to to maintain my status among my peers.

It seems as though that society wants me to do the same thing now that I am an adult. I am supposed to accept what culture says is right, and I am encouraged to raise my future children in that same manner. Five years ago, I would have had no problem with that, but my convictions have changed since my last few birthdays. I have learned that the only person I need accepting from is my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have come to terms with the fact that my opinions aren't your typical ones because I stand firmly on the fact that God dictates most all of them.

Now, I'm not saying that all of my decisions are Christ-centered or even Scripturely-based. I usually fail at being the person God sees me as, the one He saved when I was a mere ten years old. However, as a wife, former teacher, young woman, parent-to-be, Christian, I have to stand on His Word, even when that means I don't agree with my friends, relatives, and even this United States in which I live.

Decisions are always hard. God tends to make them especially easy. That's probably why I've been so torn lately over whether or not to even state my opinion regarding the state our country is in. Just the other day, I made a comment about not voting for Obama but praying wholeheartedly for him. That is my duty as a citizen in this great nation; I support him because I have to uphold my service, most importantly, as a Christian. I also commented that I wasn't particularly thrilled with a particular policy he had already made in his four, short days as President. That's my right. I am allowed to stand for the same things my FATHER would.

Choice? I'm not sure what that means anymore in the age I live in. People make choices all of the time that are so far away from what I would do. That's not the point. The fact of the matter is that every choice we make will affect others. There are consequences and reactions to those choices, and yet, this world tells us that every choice can be fixed.

Bailouts. Abortion. Homosexuality. All of these are an "okay" choice today in this society. IT IS A TOTAL LIE. You can choose any of these, and the outcome will still be the same. We, this nation, this people, grow further and further away from God with every CHOICE we seem to be making. Why not make the choice of saving money and not spending what we do not have? Why not make the choice to remain abstinent until marriage? Why not make the choice to live as God would have us, as one man and one woman commited for life? WHY NOT?!

Those are the choices I wish I would have been taught in school (not just at home or in church). I wish that my culture hadn't bombarded me with commercials and movies that told me it was completely acceptable to live however I chose. I wish that I would have known then what I know now. Why does this happen? Because we often tell kids and each other that going against the Word of God is OKAY even when it's not. Walk into a classroom of 6-7 year olds; they'll tell you what sex is, what drugs are, and what gay means. They know already, and it's our fault. We've fallen away from God, and we have chosen things that were never His intention.

I have always tried to keep this blog strictly as my daily personal experiences, and I have never intentionally tried to offend anyone by the thoughts I've written so openly. However, I imagine this particular post may offend some, and even turn others away from reading. Let me say that it is not my purpose to offend you or upset you to anger. I simply write because I am hurt, disappointed, and worried about the future my child is being born into. I appreciate your reading, and do not intend to make this blog a political one. I simply want to be one who's leading others toward Christ. If I have succeeded in doing so, then to God be all of the glory.

Shiny and New

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17


Opening the front door, peeking inside, I saw the newness of what awaited me. New carpet. New fixtures and faucets. New, fresh paint. New bulbs. Newness just surrounded me. It was one of the most exciting times of my life, having bought our first home together just two weeks before we were married. I breathed in the new smells and stared at the new sights, and without one single complaint, I reveled in what the Lord had given me. Everything was new.

The days and months passed, and the new walls became scratched and nail pops began to show. The new carpet looked as though it was twenty years old. Those once-new fixtures and faucets were needing plumbing and examining. I look back to just a little over twenty months ago and remember how quickly newness comes to an end.

I find myself wishing we were in a new house again, that our marriage was still new, and that life was altogether new. Unfortunately, none of them are. They might not, in any way, be old, but they aren't brand new any more. I see how things change in front of my very eyes. From my best friend's baby to my grandfather's age, nothing remains new. Addy, at just two months old, has started laughing and rolling. My Pop recalls more often these days what his life was like years ago. See, nothing can stay the same.

That is, except for Jesus Christ. In Revelation, we see just how NEW life in Christ is, as it states, "Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful (Revelation 21:5).” It's hard for us to understand that things can always be new, but with God they are. From the dawning of each new day to His mercies that are new every morning, life with the Lord is NEW!

And exactly how do I know this? Well, let me tell you that my house may not be new, but it is a home. It will be a brand new home for the new baby who will be entering it in this new year. The new year brings forth opportunities for all of us with new jobs and new talents that God has waiting in store. Those new abilities will be used to make new relationships with those new co-workers. Just think, those new friends may not know the new life they can have in Christ. What a New Year that would be!

With the holidays practically over and those new gifts finding scratches, tears, and their own closet space, there is reason to focus our minds on what really matters in this life. It isn't the new house, car, or job we find ourselves in; it is the relationship we have with our Lord, Jesus Christ. Life without Him is old. In this New Year, take the time to realize the newness we have in Jesus, and cherish it more than any new thing you are given.

Wrong Impression

I know what you've been thinking...

I know that you've worried about how I am and where I've been and what it is I've been doing since I lost my child a little over six months ago. I say that now, the part about my child, with such gratitude from the depths of my heart to the very heart of God. I've learned in the past months that only time can heal wounds of the deepest manner, and only God is capable of helping you understand the hurt, disappointment, and reasoning.

I know that in a few weeks, when his due date rolls around, how difficult it will be. I haven't doubted that at all, but what I have left is the wrong impression. As I grieved this loss in a very open manner, I seem to have given everyone the idea that I am weak, and believe me, I am. But not because I've loved and lost a child that was never really mine to hold.

I know that you may not understand this, but I am so grateful that God chose me. You see, it's taken me six months to realize it was ME he chose for this valley. He wanted ME to endure the pain and turn to Him. He longed for ME to love Him the way He does me. He ached when I did, and He rejoiced when I FINALLY realized it was ALL for His glory.

Maybe I've painted a negative picture of the grief I have had, and maybe I've left you with the impression that I wasn't strong enough to handle it all. Maybe you wondered if I was downcast or depressed, and maybe you've wondered whether or not I've realized that life is worth living.

It is. Every single second. Every single heartache. Every single disaster. Every single sadness. Every single loss. Every single miscarriage. It's worth it.

I have learned that we all have a season that is ours to live. Yours may not be what mine is at this very second. But God's grace is sufficient to get me through each season with more love and hope than I could have ever imagined.

Going through a season of loss has taught me that what you see isn't always what you get. On the outside, I've cried and been burdened and lived with a broken heart. On the inside, I'm rejoicing, because my child has already made it home. HOME! I can say that with all the joy I've ever experienced.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory...
1 Peter 1:6-8


Maybe you've met me on a sad day, one where I was overcome with the tragedy of loss, and maybe you've spent an hour with me over coffee, one where you've heard me discuss this child I never embraced. But on neither of these days have I failed to mention my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I've given the wrong impression. I've made it seem as though I'm getting through all of this on my own. I've made you think I'm terribly miserable and unmistakenly shaken. I've realized you talk about me to others, but never ask me how I really am. If you had, I'd give you this impression: my Lord is enough. That's all there is. Nothing more. Whatever I face and wherever I am, my Lord will see me through. I am overjoyed at the life that lies before me because my Lord is in control.

And that, my friends, is the impression I want to leave behind...

There's Not a Friend

"A man with many friends may be harmed,
but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother."
Proverbs 18:24

Have you ever distanced yourself from a friend? Not purposely, but you ran into them weeks, months, years later and realized what you had done.

I have done that more times than I like to admit. I often make excuses behind my reasoning for doing so. Come to find out, none of them are worth explaining to that friend I left behind. Why is it so hard to hang on to those we cherish the most?

Getting married, getting pregnant, and getting old were the reasons behind my distance. Honestly, they are all good reasons for leaving other things behind, but your friends? There's no making that okay.

I visited the church I grew up in yesterday for lunch and a singing. I saw one of my dearest friends. (If you haven't learned it yet, the friends GOD has given you are the best ones you'll ever find.) As we hugged and looked at one another, it came to my mind that the last time I spoke to him was his birthday almost 3 months ago. The time before that, I really cannot recall. I told my husband as we were leaving that it was so good to have that one friend(s) that, no matter how long it had been, you could always pick up where you left off.

Jeremy is one of those friends... Truthfully, I have many friends like that. Seems as if we haven't talked in ages, but when you see them again, your mind wanders back to when you saw each other last, and you begin your conversation from there.

In sitting talking to him, I realized I had missed some important circumstances in his life... getting his first job since graduating college together, buying his first home, his learning lessons the hard way, and the healing of his wounds. My heart ached as I listened to him talking because it was so easy... My childhood friend and I were no longer the best of friends.

Who have you left behind? Is there anyone you miss today? My heart is LONGING for genuine relationships, and yet, I have no idea how to make them. I have friends scattered throughout the world, and I cannot seem to hold onto them. Are you hurting like me, in the sense that you need a friend?

In a way, I have two things I mean to say...

1) If I have someway neglected our friendship, please forgive me. There are so many that I know of, it would be hard to sit and think of them all. If you need me, please know that I am here.

2) There is no friend like Christ. He'll provide you with every relationship you need IN HIM. When He can't be as close as you'd like Him, pray for Him to help you to draw closer. He's all we need.

What about that? Have you forsaken your friendship with Christ? I have just recently learned what a friend He truly is, and it has taken me months to realize that I was the one who left Him. Maybe, just maybe, because I had neglected Him, I had begun distancing myself from friends... It's me. My fault. There's no friends because I'm not one. Lord, help me to be a friend again.

"There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus; no, not one."