Slow Down

See, in this picture you don't see that I had been rushing them from the table and telling them to "Hurry up!" repeatedly so we wouldn't be late to meet our friends. However, they understand the importance of showing our friends how much they love them, and instead of hurrying, they paid careful attention to their drawings for them, even included pennies and rocks from their collections so that their friends could start their own. In my frustration, I almost missed it...

UNTIL, they said, "Just a minute, Momma."

In that moment, I realized what they were doing was important and had meaning, and I watched in complete awe as their friends (who didn't seem to mind that we were a few minutes late) were given their special gifts. They were so excited to get them, and the boys were thrilled to give their things away! My heart was so full.

Oh, me (and mommas just like me)... it's only a minute, and there will never be another like it. Don't miss it.

Things I've Actually Done...

My high school friend, Jessica, tagged me into doing this, so I must oblige. I was surprised at how many of these things I have done, but still, I have a lot of living to do...

I will tag a few friends at the bottom of this post, and they will do the same. You must copy and paste the list below into your own post, and then make bold (and/or italicize) all the things you have done. Here we go:


Started your own blog
Slept under the stars
Played in a band
Visited Hawaii
Watched a meteor shower
Given more than you can afford to charity
Been to Disneyland/world
Climbed a mountain
Held a praying mantis
Sang a solo
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Taught yourself an art from scratch
Adopted a child
Had food poisoning
Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Seen the Mona Lisa in France
Slept on an overnight train
Had a pillow fight
Hitchhiked
Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Been to a Broadway show in NY
Ran a Marathon
Been in three states at once
Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Seen a total eclipse
Watched a sunrise or sunset
Hit a home run
Been on a Cruise
Seen Niagra Falls in Person
Visited the birthplace of your Ancestors
Seen an Amish community
Taught yourself a new language
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
Gone rock climbing
Seen Michelangelo’s David
Sung karaoke
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visited Africa
Walked on a beach by moonlight
Been transported in an ambulance
Had your portrait painted
Gone deep sea fishing
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Been to Grace Kelley’s grave in Monaco
Gone to a drive-in theater
Been in a movie
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Taken a martial arts class
Swam in the Mediterranean Sea
Visited Russia
Served at a soup kitchen
Sold Girl Scout cookies
Gone whale watching
Gotten flowers for no reason
Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Gone sky diving
Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
Bounced a check
Saved a favorite childhood toy
Visited the Lincoln Memorial
Eaten Caviar
Pieced a quilt
Stood in Times Square
Toured the Everglades
Been fired from a job
Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
Broken a bone
Been on a speeding motorcycle
Seen the Grand Canyon in person
Published a book
Visited the Vatican
Bought a brand new car
Walked in Jerusalem
Had your picture in the newspaper
Read the entire Bible
Visited the White House
Killed and prepared my own meat
Had chickenpox
Saved someone’s life
Sat on a jury
Met someone famous
Joined a book club
Lost a loved one
Had a baby (I am about to)
Seen the Alamo in person
Swam in the Great Salt Lake
Been involved in a law suit
Owned a cell phone
Been stung by a bee


Ok, now create your own post of "Things You Have Done" if you are tagged below:

Becca

Brandy

Jessica K.

Emily

Somewhere

There's a picture somewhere of a blonde-haired girl running through the front yard of her small, red-bricked house, holding a brand new Barbie she had been given at her sister's birthday party. In that same picture, a brown-eyed boy is following closely behind her trying intently to get his hands on that doll.

There's a video somewhere of a party at McDonalds where a little blue-eyed girl gets skipped in line while waiting to throw balls onto a target at her own third birthday party. In that same video, a brown-haired boy puts his hands on her shoulders and helps her back in line.

There's an old tape somewhere of a little girl singing her heart out on some old Judds' classics. On that same tape, a young boy joins in and shares giggles as they attempt to recreate their own country duet.

There's a memory somewhere of that same blonde-haired, blue-eyed, little girl, who is now a woman, calling her best childhood friend to tell him that she was pregnant. In that same memory, the brown-eyed, brown-haired, young boy, who is now a grown man, tells his friend that his wife is pregnant too.

There will be a place somewhere in that woman's heart that breaks as she steps into the room in less than 48 hours to see that man's baby girl for the first time. In that same place, that man will not understand the love his best friend has for his baby already.

Because there is another child somewhere in Heaven who God had planned to take. While that brown-eyed boy will be getting his very own doll, the blonde-haired girl lived through the loss of the child who would have been born in this very same week. But as she steps in to see this newborn baby girl, her blue eyes will be filled with the tears of an expectant mother celebrating the birth of her best friend's child.

Anxiously Awaiting Addyson,
Jenna

In honor of the Clark family,
Jimmy, Amanda, and Addyson

There's Not a Friend

"A man with many friends may be harmed,
but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother."
Proverbs 18:24

Have you ever distanced yourself from a friend? Not purposely, but you ran into them weeks, months, years later and realized what you had done.

I have done that more times than I like to admit. I often make excuses behind my reasoning for doing so. Come to find out, none of them are worth explaining to that friend I left behind. Why is it so hard to hang on to those we cherish the most?

Getting married, getting pregnant, and getting old were the reasons behind my distance. Honestly, they are all good reasons for leaving other things behind, but your friends? There's no making that okay.

I visited the church I grew up in yesterday for lunch and a singing. I saw one of my dearest friends. (If you haven't learned it yet, the friends GOD has given you are the best ones you'll ever find.) As we hugged and looked at one another, it came to my mind that the last time I spoke to him was his birthday almost 3 months ago. The time before that, I really cannot recall. I told my husband as we were leaving that it was so good to have that one friend(s) that, no matter how long it had been, you could always pick up where you left off.

Jeremy is one of those friends... Truthfully, I have many friends like that. Seems as if we haven't talked in ages, but when you see them again, your mind wanders back to when you saw each other last, and you begin your conversation from there.

In sitting talking to him, I realized I had missed some important circumstances in his life... getting his first job since graduating college together, buying his first home, his learning lessons the hard way, and the healing of his wounds. My heart ached as I listened to him talking because it was so easy... My childhood friend and I were no longer the best of friends.

Who have you left behind? Is there anyone you miss today? My heart is LONGING for genuine relationships, and yet, I have no idea how to make them. I have friends scattered throughout the world, and I cannot seem to hold onto them. Are you hurting like me, in the sense that you need a friend?

In a way, I have two things I mean to say...

1) If I have someway neglected our friendship, please forgive me. There are so many that I know of, it would be hard to sit and think of them all. If you need me, please know that I am here.

2) There is no friend like Christ. He'll provide you with every relationship you need IN HIM. When He can't be as close as you'd like Him, pray for Him to help you to draw closer. He's all we need.

What about that? Have you forsaken your friendship with Christ? I have just recently learned what a friend He truly is, and it has taken me months to realize that I was the one who left Him. Maybe, just maybe, because I had neglected Him, I had begun distancing myself from friends... It's me. My fault. There's no friends because I'm not one. Lord, help me to be a friend again.

"There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus; no, not one."

Have We Ever Met?

If you had met me in February, you would have come to know a person full of hurt, disappointment, and heartache. If you had met me in March, you would have seen a person drowning in sorrow. If you had met me in April, you would have noticed that I was struggling to even love again. If you would have met me in May, you would have given up on me too.

If you had met me yesterday, you would have met the most thankful woman in the world. You would have seen how happy I was/am to be in love. You would have noticed how hard I tried to surprise my husband on his 28th birthday. You would have enjoyed watching me bake his favorite cupcakes and actually clean the house. You would have laughed to see me working out (oh yes, I am on a roll, and bound and determined). You would have wondered if anything could bring me down.

If you meet me today, you'll see my insecurities. You will understand that my life seems as if it's one long roller coaster ride that has no end. You will see my humble attempts at becoming a better wife and being a mother who is trying to be completely honored with the fact that her child is in Heaven. You will see how lonely I am - missing friends and realizing how much life has changed in just 2 short years. You will wonder about my heart - if I care or seem to notice what is going on around me. You will worry I have lost all hope in life. It would be okay for you to admit it... Because in some ways, it's all true.

If you meet me tomorrow, I promise I'll be trying harder than I was today. You will see that I'll be reading even more of my Bible to hear Him speak. You will learn that I am looking forward to my date night with my husband - something we haven't had in four months because the pain has overwhelmed me. You will see me swimming - weightless and free of guilt of the life I've lived. You would not have to wonder where my priorities lie, but solely on my relationship with Christ and then my best friend in the world. You'll see that I'm making the best out of what God has given me, and how hard that is for me. You'd want to keep your distance because I will still be fragile, but soon you'd realize how I long for your friendship.

Tomorrow will be another day... I'm praying that I have that chance. I realize how difficult it is to be my friend, relative, and reader, for that matter. Understand that I wish I could take it all back - every mistake, regret, circumstance, and tear. I hope that you know I do. I've done things I'm not proud of in the past, and even now, in the present time, I've walked and remained in the valley of the shadow of death, when God is urging me to move on. I've left you behind, I've neglected our relationship, and I've let go of life. Forgive me. I long to love, live, and laugh again... My perspective is clear, and my thoughts are vivid. I know it is God's push that has caused me to smile today... It will happen again... Maybe tomorrow, or even tonight, but I know God is holding my hand, and these are just seasons... And yes, they come and go.

Acts 3:19
"Therefore repent and turn back, that your sins may be wiped out so that seasons of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord."

Getting Good at Goodbye

In a few hours, I will tell a group of 18 children goodbye for the last time, only this time, they will not return through my classroom door ever again with a bunch of toothless grins. Miss Kramer next door has already came over with tear-filled eyes exclaiming she had broken down with her class. I haven't yet... But then again, it's only 10:30. The children's voices are filling the room, senseless chitter chatter and random squeals and laughs, but the looming moments also come to mind.

Maybe I won't cry this afternoon when the children say their final words. Maybe I'll be so overwhelmed that tears will not cease. Maybe I'm thinking much too into this. Nevertheless, my heart aches knowing this will not only be their last goodbyes but mine as well.

Upon entering this classroom in July 2007, I had the most distinctive feeling... I had become a stranger in my own room. It, for some reason, just did not feel as it had before. As the year progressed, the children entered, and God continued this call, I realized what He was asking of me. This is why as the children walk away today, they are not leaving this room alone. I will be leaving it as well for my last time; God has called me to leave this inspiring position.

All year I have said my goodbyes... I have said my farewells to my Nana, to Brian's Granddaddy, to my first child, and most recently to Brian's dad. I now plan to tell 18 6-year-olds that they will not be able to come back next year and hug me as they had seen my last year's students do this year. This room will be someone else's, and I will be following the will of my very own Teacher... His name is Jesus.

I also must say bye to my fellow colleagues who are now friends, and I will leave two of my very best teaching friends behind. Miss Kramer, who actually is Liz, has become the greatest addition to this year. Had it not been for her, I don't know, with all of the disappointments of 2007-2008, if I would have made it without her. She has truly been a "friend closer than a brother" or sister in my case. Saying goodbye to my best friend and next door neighbor is going to be one of the most difficult things I have done, and I say that with great experience of saying goodbye. I will leave behind one of the most influential friends I have... I've almost been ignoring her lately because I fear the emotions that will overtake me as we say goodbye. (Please forgive me for this shortcoming, Jenny.) Mrs. Jones has been a spiritual leader in this school; she started having devotionals and prayer time once a week even when only a few showed. She's been the most heartfelt and sincere friend I've ever had, and having to leave her breaks my heart. Why must goodbyes be so hard?

The crazy thing is that I'm not fearful. I know that this is what God has spoken, and disobeying Him would be a sin. I must leave this part of my life behind for now, and press toward the prize that God has for me.

With tear-filled eyes I write my last entry as Mrs. Johnson... Goodbye Kindergarten. You have filled my life with joy and the children I've dreamed to teach. Lord, I don't understand why, but here I am saying goodbye.

The Power of Friendship

I never much gave thought the fact that Jesus had men with Him all the time. I guess if you just take the Word at face value, you read that Jesus was a man who had 12 disciples and many followers. I realized I'd been missing the point the entire time.

I've noticed lately how little time I spend with my friends. If not by email or phone, I'd rarely keep in contact with any of them. I found out the greatest news from one friend today by her blog, and I learned of how another friend's life changed just in the past month by Facebook. Whether you take it as I have or not, it is time I start making time. I realize that people say when you get married that your spouse becomes your best friend, and BELIEVE ME, mine has. However, I don't think anywhere in Scripture or by common sense does it say to put your friends aside. It actually states, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13)."

How have I given of myself lately? I mean, not just to my friends but to my family and husband lately, what exactly have I laid down? I'll tell you what. A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING. It's disappointing really because as a child of Christ I should be on the front lines of friendship, offering myself in any way I can. But I haven't. I can't remember the last time I spoke with Mimi. I haven't talked to Amanda since about a month ago only to tell her I was pregnant. Alicia and I used to be inseparable, and I can't tell you the last time we were in the same room. As for Becca, she and I meet on occasion at events and on the phone, but have I really showed how much I care? Leslie and I talk twice a year, once on my birthday and then a month later on hers. Brittany and I haven't seen each other since my wedding, and yes, that's been almost 10 months ago (I still have a gift for you for doing the guest table, by the way). Mardi and I lost contact and it's mostly my fault. Some of my dearest friends I've totally and utterly let down.

I'm not saying all of this to throw a pity party or get attention for myself, what I mean by all of this is that while shopping for birthday cards today, I was hit with the fact that I allow my friends to be seasonal... What do I mean by that? Well, it's easy... Many of us do it. As humans, we don't understand or even know HOW to "love thee with an everlasting love," as in Jeremiah 31:3. But Jesus walked with His disciples almost every day until He was crucfied, even when they slept and later denied Him. He DIED so that they (and we) could have life. He never once left his disciples, his beloved which means "deeply treasured", his friends behind. That's everlasting, unconditional, and timeless. Is that what I have with my friends? Is that the kind of friend I've been willing to be?

What about to my family? Have I forsaken them? Yes, at times. Have I left them behind? Yes, often. Have I ignored them? Yes, too many times to tell. Have they ever ONCE left me behind? No, never. I've been blessed with the most spiritual, loving, and gracious family I could ever have. I just now can see that as I've grown older. But I still distance myself. I don't know why, but I do. The Word says, "Truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son, Jesus Christ (1st John 1:3)." If I don't fellowship with you, then our friendships aren't strong at all. I have to take time to make my friendships as Jesus Christ made His own. Who have you forsaken today? Have you called that friend that truly needs one? Did you listen when your friend called for help? Were you there for those little things, not just the special occasions, in your friends' lives? I pray that God will help me and us become more aware of how blessed we are with friendships and love. It is one of the most special relationships we have, not just for our benefit, but to lead our friends to Christ.

Becoming a Faithful Friend,
Jenna

The Power of Words

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Psalm 119:105

I didn't really understand how powerful words actually were until the past few days... As Brian headed off to Jamaica, I realized how much I missed his voice, and not just his voice, but the words of love he always gives to me. When he left Thursday morning, I knew those simple words were gone... atleast for a period of 8 days. It was awesome to head to the bathroom that morning he left to find a small, yellow post-it note with the most beautiful words, encouraging me to find comfort in our Lord. Even those few words were enough to get me through the day, or so I thought.

I headed out the door to head off to work, and soon, I came across a manilla envelope sitting in my driver's seat. It was a gift from my husband, but I was rushed and needed to hurry off to my early morning meeting. Thankfully, Brian called on the way to work; I don't even remember what we talked about other than he was getting a green tea with "no sugar and one Splenda" and that this being away was harder than he expected. It wasn't until I arrived at school and after my meeting that I was able to open the envelope.

It was harder than I could have ever imagined reading that letter... Yes, it was exactly what I wanted, but it was HIM I was longing to hear. I guess the Lord knows what He is doing, as this trip is advancing HIS Kingdom among those people in Jamaica, the place where Brian and I actually met in 2004. I also realized that God was in the middle of teaching us to cling to Him, and that the words we were able to leave and give to one another was a gift from Him as well.

Another blessing came when Brian called last night to tell me he had created an email address to be able to communicate with me over the trip... The church where they are working in this remote town on top of a mountain ACTUALLY has internet now, slow moving internet, but another God-given gift. I woke up this morning to TWO emails from my husband.

I also have learned that words are healing... As I lay in bed last night, one of the first times without him, I couldn't sleep. I was sick with a fever, sore throat, and stuffy nose, but more so, I was longing for him. After figuring that crying was getting me nowhere, I called my sister, who comforted me just by talking to me about school, my being sick, about dinner, etc. In just a few quick minutes, I was ready for bed. How strong words can be in times of need!

I was again sick this morning, and the fever had not subsided leaving me unable to go to school. It wasn't long after waking up a second time around 11 that I saw how lonely I was. I sat feeling sorry for myself, watching hour after hour of t.v. At 3:30, the phone rang and the voice was SO familiar... He had called in the middle of the day for no reason. I felt great again, but soon after, that sadness creeped in again. The devil likes to find us at our weakest and take over... That is, until I got the mail.

I saw a card addressed to me from my childhood best friend. She had sent me a card to tell me Happy Birthday, but her letter inside was so much stronger than just a birthday one. She talked about how she loved me, missed me, and was praying for me. I cannot tell you how those words lifted my heart. I love knowing that God can give us exactly what we need when we need it.

What a blessing it is to know that our God can give us words to bring peace to our hearts through others! As Philipians 4:7 says,
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I am blessed by a God who cares for me deeper than I can for even my husband. The Lord gives us words to live by and love, but how often do we pass them by?! I am thankful for the words I've been given, and I pray that I will take every word to heart.

A Little Birthday Message from My Big God

I remember last year on my birthday how sad my heart was...

I had driven alone to my uncle, Gerald's grave, as we shared our birthdays on the same day, and last year was the first birthday I didn't have him to call. What a hard change that was! One I have never truly understood.

I remember receiving a phone call as I was leaving the gravesite, one that I truly needed as that trip was so difficult.

I remember just the following day last year that everything changed. That simple phone call had meant more than just a birthday wish. The voice on the other line met me the next night and we found out that there was something more...

I remember thinking that nothing would ever be the same, and I was right because it hasn't. I've gotten engaged in only 8 days to my pastor, spent 4 hours at Target making a registry, bought our first home, planned a wedding and married him just 2 months later, visited the Grand Canyon, saw the most extravagant wedding in Abilene, Texas, spent an entire summer together, lost my Nana to Alzheimer's, was the most lonely I'd ever been as he left for Alaska, was overjoyed and saddened when he had to return the next day for his Grandaddy's death, spent 8 hours in the hospital with a ruptured cyst, missed the first week of school, changed medications, stayed weak from the cyst, missed more school, were Fishermen for Halloween in the name of our Savior, had Thanksgiving at our house, planned a overscheduled Christmas season, and just then had things started feeling normal.

I remember thinking that I couldn't be pregnant. Oh, I know, if you're not preventing then you're only waiting... And here I am, in for the biggest change of our lives.

I look back at the life God has given me and I see how intricately beautiful it has been. I realize that life was never about me, and that it was simply all for the glory of my Lord. Those things that have happened weren't to see how much I could take, but how much I would lift up God in every change and situation I faced.

I failed... often. There have been many times that I couldn't understand why this or that was happening, and I would simply deny the fact that my God was in control. Looking at it now, it's so evident to me that God was there every step of the way. How amazing that is to me!

I know now that my heart should have never sank last year on my birthday...

It was just another opportunity for God to shine through and make the necessary changes in my life. I am more thankful for this birthday than any before. Yes, maybe it's because I'm married to the most wonderful man, or because our first child is on its way, or maybe because I'm 25 and things seem normal. But they won't stay this way, and I realize that... That's why the truth is clear. It's always been God, never has it been me that my life is all about. What am I going to do with it?