Too Fast

My boys are growing so quickly that I cannot find time to write about them.  Seriously.

Samuel is a little chunk.  He was so little at birth (as compared to Daniel), but now, he is suddenly so big and outgrowing clothes and diapers faster than Daniel EVER did.  I found him on his belly in his bed the other night, so he's busy rolling over now.  He loves the bath too, but he's so big that he barely fits on his bath net.  It's so precious when he looks up and smiles at us.  Samuel is such a calm, happy baby. 

Daniel is a little comedian.  He's busy all day long laughing and throwing fits just to get my attention.  His favorite word is "Hello," and he literally says it one thousand times a day.  He likes eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches and pretending to give us a bite then stealing it away only to put the food in his own mouth.  Daniel is such an energetic, loving child.

The best part about my boys growing is that they are growing to love one another.  Daniel runs to the bedroom every morning waiting to see Samuel.  He stands at the gate until I lift Samuel into his view, and Daniel will begin with his "Hello" marathon of the day.  If we leave Samuel on the couch or anywhere in Daniel's reach, he is going to find his way onto the baby.  He doesn't hurt him...  Daniel just kisses him, gives hugs, and touches Samuel's fingers, toes, and belly.

It's all happening so quickly, but it's an incredibly blessed time. 

It's All Happening a Bit TOO Fast

Right before my eyes, my little boys seem not so little already. 

Daniel has his molars coming in.  In just a week, he grew, like 7 teeth.  I'm not joking or exaggerating.  He started Mother's Day Out on Tuesday the 17th and did wonderfully.  He didn't even cry when I left him.  Weird, right?! 

In the midst of Daniel's changes, Samuel's been gaining weight like a champ.  We went for their 2 month and 15 month well appointments, and Samuel had gained 5 pounds in a month.  Wow, right?!  He's now rolling over and smiling constantly. 

As a parent, I'm so excited for changes, but at the same time, I just want them to be little forever.  Is this what happens when you become a parent?  Time literally flies.  When I was a child, a week seemed like an eternity, but as a mom, my child has learned to say "Thank you," in just one short day.  Really?! 

God, thank You for the subtle reminders to enjoy every single second I've been given with my children.  Help me to remember that this will go by quickly and to never wish any of it by.  Thank You for their sweet smiles (one of which is now FILLED with pearly whites) and for the gifts You've given me in each of them.  I'm so blessed, Father.  Does it go by fast to You as well? 

Have We Ever Met?

If you had met me in February, you would have come to know a person full of hurt, disappointment, and heartache. If you had met me in March, you would have seen a person drowning in sorrow. If you had met me in April, you would have noticed that I was struggling to even love again. If you would have met me in May, you would have given up on me too.

If you had met me yesterday, you would have met the most thankful woman in the world. You would have seen how happy I was/am to be in love. You would have noticed how hard I tried to surprise my husband on his 28th birthday. You would have enjoyed watching me bake his favorite cupcakes and actually clean the house. You would have laughed to see me working out (oh yes, I am on a roll, and bound and determined). You would have wondered if anything could bring me down.

If you meet me today, you'll see my insecurities. You will understand that my life seems as if it's one long roller coaster ride that has no end. You will see my humble attempts at becoming a better wife and being a mother who is trying to be completely honored with the fact that her child is in Heaven. You will see how lonely I am - missing friends and realizing how much life has changed in just 2 short years. You will wonder about my heart - if I care or seem to notice what is going on around me. You will worry I have lost all hope in life. It would be okay for you to admit it... Because in some ways, it's all true.

If you meet me tomorrow, I promise I'll be trying harder than I was today. You will see that I'll be reading even more of my Bible to hear Him speak. You will learn that I am looking forward to my date night with my husband - something we haven't had in four months because the pain has overwhelmed me. You will see me swimming - weightless and free of guilt of the life I've lived. You would not have to wonder where my priorities lie, but solely on my relationship with Christ and then my best friend in the world. You'll see that I'm making the best out of what God has given me, and how hard that is for me. You'd want to keep your distance because I will still be fragile, but soon you'd realize how I long for your friendship.

Tomorrow will be another day... I'm praying that I have that chance. I realize how difficult it is to be my friend, relative, and reader, for that matter. Understand that I wish I could take it all back - every mistake, regret, circumstance, and tear. I hope that you know I do. I've done things I'm not proud of in the past, and even now, in the present time, I've walked and remained in the valley of the shadow of death, when God is urging me to move on. I've left you behind, I've neglected our relationship, and I've let go of life. Forgive me. I long to love, live, and laugh again... My perspective is clear, and my thoughts are vivid. I know it is God's push that has caused me to smile today... It will happen again... Maybe tomorrow, or even tonight, but I know God is holding my hand, and these are just seasons... And yes, they come and go.

Acts 3:19
"Therefore repent and turn back, that your sins may be wiped out so that seasons of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord."