These Days, Everything is All Business.

So, I'm a Kindergarten Teacher.

I'm extremely excited as today I was given the list of students who will be in my class this year. The first week was just testing and getting to know these brilliant children, so we weren't all that busy but I've been so tired, I've not been much for going out or being on. I'm too overwhelmed and jam-packed with emotions to think straight.

Everything's good. The classroom's ADORABLE. Miss Warren's Dot Spot is fantastic with polka dots and "spotted" sayings posted all around the room. I'll take pictures this coming week. Thank you everyone for your prayers and sweet words. Forgive me for being so distant, but I'm worn out from chasing after little feet...

The Shoulder You Seem To Lean On...

Isn't the one you want to rest on.

That bothers me. I've always been one to have quite a few friends, and when I say quite a few, I mean, I couldn't count them if I had to. Same goes for the relationships I've had. The only difference is, there are relationships and friendships that REALLY matter, the ones that never leave me or my memory.

Friendships that haven't always been easy or ever made sense are the best ones for me. Hearing one of my best friends say today that she is FINALLY engaged was amazing, and then I stopped and thought about the last time I saw her and couldn't remember when it was. Those are the types of friendships I have. I'm not saying that's a good thing; I'm just saying that's how it works in my life. Maybe it's my fault, maybe there's something wrong with me, but it's just the way it works.

Relationships are the exact way. There will always be these special ones to me, the ones that broke my heart and the ones who changed it for the better and in a terrible way. There are those who have made me want to guard my heart and there are others who have allowed me to see that love is all there is. Just like friendships though, relationships come and go, and sometimes, more times than not, they seem to come back.

I'm in that process right now. Figuring out if it's coming back, holding on, or letting go. Or maybe it's all three. We may be so comfortable with one another that we're scared of walking away from one another. I know I don't want to. I want to know what we are, why I'm so attached to him, and why he and I both keep finding ourselves on each others' shoulders whether it be because of laughter or tears. Maybe we do love each other. Maybe I'm just too scared to say that out loud. But maybe, just maybe, I don't have to because I just did.

If my life is in this whirlwind of change with my new teaching job, the SUV I'll soon be getting, among other things, I want to make this pattern of friendship/relationship succession end here and now. And more importantly, I want it to end with him. I want to be able to call him when I'm actually upset and it not be something I'm scared to do, like he did tonight. I was the shoulder tonight. I just wish he'd stayed there a little longer...

There's A Whole Bunch Of Getting Nowhere Going On...

And I'm here to say I'm sick of it. My major test of faith lately has been patience, and yes, mine wears extremely thin. I know it's my downfall, it's the pit I seem to always find myself in, but I can't help but wonder why things in my life must always feel as if they are on hold, or mute, or pause, or temporarily halted, or just stopped altogether. And for once, I'm okay with saying I'm not okay with it all.

I've been patient about college; I've finally graduated. I was patient about finding a job; I got one fairly quickly (let's just say I had one before I even graduated, thank you Lord). I've been fine about living at home; I actually enjoy it. I love where my life is, for the most part, but certain areas seem to perplex me more than others and patience is hard to come by.

He's there for me when I need him. He calls quite often. He's become my best friend because he's always been since probably freshmen year. We're ridiculously closer than most couples are. I've known he's liked me before. I think he knows I like him now. We talk everyday. But something tells me it's going nowhere. Am I wrong for wondering, "Why not?!" We call before we go to bed. We act like a couple does. Why aren't we one? I'm not sure. I know it's about patience, and that I'm supposed to wait. I don't know how much longer I can.

Maybe it's because this isn't what God wants for me. Maybe this friend doesn't actually like me back. Maybe he likes my company and enjoys our friendship and thinks that's all it is. Maybe girls think too much into things. Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I don't care if I do. Maybe I wish that God would help me out with this. Maybe I already know He is. Maybe I just feel as if there's a whole lot of getting nowhere going on, and maybe I'm ready to be moving on...

So, Just In Case You Didn't Know...

God's in the Blessing Business.

How do I know this, you might ask?! Well, let me just say that I've had my fair share of blessings my whole entire life. As I look back and think on all of the times God's blessed me or my family and friends, I feel completely unworthy... Like falling out of the boat that was parked in the garage at age 3, or falling off of the curly slide at Moss Wright Park at age 5, or choking on a chocolate Easter bunny at age I'm not so sure, or getting dropped out of a cheerleading stunt onto the back of my neck at 17 years old, a year later crashing through the windshield without any recollection of the accident... It's purely God's grace that I made it through any of those accidents alive, but even as I have, I have taken each of them forgranted.

I graduated college a little over two months ago, and before I even had graduated, I knew I had a job... That job is now OFFICIAL, and I will be teaching Kindergarten in the fall at Gene Brown Elementary School in Hendersonville, TN. Five years of work, five years of struggles, five years of great memories, loss, and heartaches... This, though, was what it was all for... My freshman year I thought Communication was the Major for me, but God spoke to me one night and let me know that Education was where He wanted me, and that if I would change my major the next day, He would take care of the rest. Five years later and He held true to His word. I can't believe I ever doubted it. Like I said, our Lord is in the Blessing Business.

I Love This Love / Hate Thing We've Got Going

Yeah, I like him. He knows it. He likes me. I know it.
It's a strange thing, knowing everything. But I like it.