I'd Be Lying If I Didn't Say...

• Last night might have been one of the greatest nights of my life.
• Sharing testimonies, feeling the Spirit, and understanding doubts with a friend is the sweetest piece of grace I've ever received from the Lord.
• The friend understands me better than I understand myself, and I know everything about him without his knowing so.
• The Lord has built what was a horrible relationship into the best friendship I could have ever imagined.
• He is the best guitarist I've ever heard, and he's going to teach me how. Thanks for the lesson last night.
• My guitar sounded A-M-A-Z-I-N-G when my friend was playing it, despite what he thinks and says...
• Michelle Branch and Aslyn brought about one of the strangest moods I've ever had, and just sitting in that room, hearing their voices, and singing with him was pure contentment.
• Garden State is a fantastic movie. I've never felt more at ease or comfortable with myself as I did when I watched that movie.
• Peach oatmeal is disgusting. Period. Makes no difference if you use water or milk. It's just gross. OH, but thank you for making it for me.
• Our honesty with one another about what happened with us, about our faults, about trusting God, and about where we want our lives to go goes against my wanting to hide my feelings. He brings out the best and worst in me, and I'm thankful for that.
• I feel human when I'm with this friend. I'm not overwhelmed; I am insecure at times, but then he reassures me not to be; I feel comfortable and safe when he looks at and talks to me. I feel like this is what God wants a friendship to be like, and even though, we've dated, I have no doubt about our intentions. I know he loves me, and I know that we're always going to be friends.
• That no one should never stay up until 5:00 in the morning. You'll have the worst headache ever.
• Eyedrops are a gift from above. My eyes breath because of you.
• I didn't know how fun sitting on a couch, doing nothing, would be.
• God has a hand in this. Another friend of mine last week told me to ask God to give me the opportunity to share my testimony, my faith, God's love with someone each week. I was discouraged because yesterday was the last day in the week, and I hadn't talked with anyone. Last night changed that. We shared our testimonies, and we discussed how God has moved into my life. He doesn't always feel that, and maybe this is why God waited until last night to open up this particular door for me and for him...

Nothing Matters Like These People Do

My friends that I never see anymore have become a huge part of my life recently. I cannot go to bed tonight without mentioning some of their names... I am blessed beyond measure.

(In no particular order...)

• Jase has become the friend I never thought I'd need, but just sitting in his presence makes me realize how God works. I ate supper at his place tonight, and seeing his smile, hearing his jokes about me, and talking about nothing made everything so easy. I never have to doubt with him; I know he's my best friend, and he knows I am his.
• Jerm is truly a miracle of God. After almost losing his arm in a freak accident a few weeks ago, his humility and patience overwhelm me. He makes me want to be a better me. His obnoxious way of calling me an idiot, never saying my name but this hideous nickname he gave me when we were kids, making me cut his fingernails, taping his bandages for him, yelling over the Duke game, and reading his fifth grade poetry book tonight were memories I will never take forgranted. I love him more than life itself. He is everything to me, and almost losing him was enough to remind me that God wants us in each others' lives.
• The Ghost from my past has really stepped in lately. We hadn't seen each other in five years, but after that time and space, somehow and in someway we manage to have the strongest friendship we've ever had. Our late night phone calls and honest remarks that cut to the bone oftentimes are a true testiment to a great relationship. I'm so proud of him for what he's becoming, what he's finally doing with his life; he's going to be so important one day... I'm just glad I realized how important he was to me over 10 years ago.
• Random phone calls from a random guitarist really enlighten me, excite me, and intrigue me. He has taught me more about relationships than I could EVER expect to know. In that process, he has taught me what friendship is. I'm so thankful that he considers me a friend, and despite my innocent nature, he finds me exactly what he needs.
• K. Howard is my true blue friend. We met each other in American Sign Language class, decided to become partners for the homework in there, and haven't been able to STAND being separated by states. I love her more than she'll ever know. She opens up her house to me, makes sure I'm warm, listens to my advice, and makes me laugh, usually in one sitting. There is none like her. She's everything to me.
• Lindsey Lo has brightened my days by just sending hearts and updates almost daily. Everyone needs that friend that just makes you feel better by just having them in your life. Lo does that for me. I'm honored to be her friend after years of thinking we could never be. She's a complete doll, a true, beautiful friend.
• I have to mention the friends that I have recently come back into my life though only years ago we were inseparable... Brit, Em, Erica, Cec, Jess... You girls have completed me for years; from cheerleading to choir, from singing at the apartment and at campfires, from teaching to understanding me and my fears, from Kiss Me Kate to our freshman year, from the Beatles' music and boyfriend hook ups to Math Team and everything else in between. You all have been there for me when I've needed you, and I cannot tell you how much I love you for that.
• Oh, there's this group of people who make friendships SO worth their while... My church friends, from Victory, McFerrin, and everywhere else... I won't mention your names because you know who you are and you know why I love you so much. Life has taken us in different directions, but God has given us a bond that will never subside. I will miss corn on the cob, being Not That Far From Bethelhem, Catch Phrase hilariousness, not understanding boys and nodding along, and Jamaican bonds of friendship that have carried on back home... I love you, I miss you, and more than that, I'll see you all when we get home if not before.
• The Rock makes my life make sense. She understands it all. She inspires me to inspire others. She's amazing. She praises the Lord when praising Him is not the cool thing to do. She shows me what a friend should be. I just miss her so much...
• The Mac has given me more in friendship than I have gotten in 23 years. We've only known each other about a year, yet I feel like she's part of my family and I a part of hers. Something about feeling each others' pain, understanding trials, hysterical laughter, and pirates have brought us closer than I could explain. Even when we don't talk like I know we wish we could, I feel her with me.
• Mardi B. is a kindred spirit kind of friend. She knows when I am hurting, she knows when I need to laugh and when I'm ready to be quiet. She prays for me when there's nothing to pray about. She shows in her actions through cards and phone calls how much I mean to her. What I've figured out is that I don't deserve her, yet I'm so blessed and thrilled to have her in my life. Date Night is my favorite night of all times!
• Jeeca is the most important part of my life without doubt. The first and only friend I've ever had the audacity to be a complete fool towards, she has stuck by me like only a sister can do. I wasn't what I should have been to her, and I could never repay her for the love she gave me when I was unlovable. She is my best friend. No one could ever mean to me what she does. You have to know her to understand.

And last but not least:

• My dearest friend, the closest one I will ever and always have, my Lord and Savior. You are there when none of these are, and I put You last so many times before now. My life is all because of You, and I take that forgranted so many times. You make each day what it is, You make me feel safe and secure, and more than that, You are the one who gave me all of these wonderful friends, and I will never cease to praise you.

Some People Say What I Mean To

"God is constantly molding and shaping those who seek Him, I think I am starting to feel the burn... I have no idea what that means except that I am excited to see what He is doing."

I read this tonight in a new friend's blog, and was totally overwhelmed by what she had said. It was more beautiful than I think even she knew, but I read it time and time again because she took the words right out of my mouth. I have "felt" God so much more lately than I have in years. When I say years, I mean like almost five of them or at least that many. I have been on FIRE for the Lord this week. Nothing has been able to bring me down; it's like I wake up ready to give my day to God, and when I do that, nothing can stand in His way. I understand the "burn" because I have it. I want to see what God can do, what I know He can do, how He's been wanting to for so long... So I've been molded and shaped, and I'm continually growing in His will, and I cannot wait to see what happens when the fire is truly lit.

Best Believe, He Takes Care of It All...

Jeremy went back to the doctors today to get the wrappings off of his arm and wrist... Here's the email I got from his mom. From what I've been told, he had a rough day as it became very real to him how injured he actually was...

I just wanted to let you know how Jeremy was doing. We went back to the surgeon today and everything seems to be doing well. His main concern now is to get movement back into the wrist and hand so the tendons that he repaired won't "lock-up" and impair movement. He is still reserving judgement on the skin graft on the hand and will look at it again next week when the stitches come out.

After seeing Jeremy's arm today it is truly a miracle that his hand is still there. I am so very thankful that God was watching over him and I know that things could be so much worse than they are. We can't express our gratitude over everyone's love and concern for Jeremy and ask for continued prayer for him. He has taken the first steps on a very long road to recovery.

Thank you so much for your prayers; Jerm's doing great considering. He's got months of physical therapy ahead so it's going to get tough, but there's nothing God can't do. He's going to take care of this too.

Won't You Marry Me? Then Pray With Me. That's Not Too Much To Ask.

I knew the moment I first saw you

Our love was meant to be

It was only a matter of God's time

My instincts said to marry you

And patience said to wait

But I knew to let you go would be a crime

Well I've seen so many places

And I've seen so many smiles

And you are the only one for me

I know what grace is

Because I've walked a million miles

And after that my Jesus set me free

So won't you marry me, I'm down on my knees

And carry me through the peaks and valleys

Pray with me, walk with me through this life

I'm asking you to be my wife

I can't wait to share my life you

I can't wait to make love

I can't wait to give you all I've got to give

A three way communication

And sweet compromise

I can't wait for God to show us how to live

I'll be with you forever

And I know you feel the same

There ain't no sense in getting married any other way

And I hear sweet music

At the sound of your name

I hope I never have to live another day without you so . . .

So won't you marry me, I'm down on my knees

And carry me through the peaks and valleys

Pray with me, walk with me through this life

I'm asking you to be my wife

I remember hearing this song for the first time my freshman year of college and completely being in awe of what it was saying. I could not believe the words had actually come from a man, but the more I learned about the love of God was that this song was written by a man who had the love God wants us to have for each other in relationships. More and more often, I am faced with the question of why I'm not dating or married even, and at first that's a hard thing to be asked. Of course, I want to be married (who doesn't?!) but the truth has been brought to my attention that I want what God wants for me. I don't want to date someone God hasn't placed in my life for a reason. I want true love like I've never had before, love that only God can give. All of this comes to mind after a situation occurred at church last night.

Yeah, so I'm at Victory's Revival last night (as was a certain great friend and preacher I know), and another young preacher who's been to Jamaica three or four times with my friend preacher says, "Jenna, can I talk to you about something in private?"OH, I know this was leading to somewhere no good. First of all, I thought he was asking me out. Which was too weird for words, then he says, "Have you ever thought of *insert my friend preacher's name here*?" I was like, well, yeah, he's my friend. I think of him often. Ha ha. I'm so special education. And the guy was like, "NO, I mean, like have you thought of going on a date with him?" I was like, "Heck no, I can't date my pastor." LOL.

The guy says, "Well, heck, I didn't know he was your pastor." I said, "Yes, I joined today." He goes on to say..."Well, see, that's the Lord working and putting you two together." UGH! Throwing up in my mouth by this time, because I'm sick of people putting thoughts like that in my head. It was awkward as my friend preacher then walks up and hugs me, and the other guy's grinning ear to ear. SO STRANGE.

Here's my point to all of this... People are great matchmakers when God is involved. Period. End of sentence. Secondly, God is the ultimate matchmaker. Period. End of sentence. My whole point. If it's in God's will, it WILL be. You know? Just because I'm 23 and have no boyfriend does not mean that God wants me to have one right now, and I DO NOT need people telling me how cute my friend preacher is because who doesn't know that. UGH UGH UGH. I only tell you this because I'm honestly frustrated when I should maybe be flattered.

I think what bothers me the most about all of this is that it's hard being patient. It's hard waiting for what God has in store. It's even more difficult wondering about who that someone He has in store for me might be. Situations like last night at church really get a girl's mind and heart racing, but I want God to be my ultimate matchmaker. I want Him to fix me up. I want Him to show me who to be with. I want God to take care of these things for me, and I want to be patient in waiting. And more than anything, I want to hear words like those from the song at the beginning of this post, and I don't think that's unrealistic. I believe that's what God has promised us, and what God intends for marriage to be like. I want that. I want a God-filled and led marriage. Anything less than that is not worth being fixed up on.