Wednesday, April 29, 2015


Written April 29, 2015

Yesterday was harder than I want to admit. It's probably going to be a day I will always remember. Samuel struggled, and as his mom, I will admit that I struggled too. I cried out to God (and to Brian) a lot more yesterday than I have before, and I made more phone calls to doctors than I have in the past.

It seemed like a normal day when we woke yesterday. We went to the homeschool/classroom, but Samuel was moving very slowly with his blanket in tow. His eyes were dark, and it was almost as if he hadn't slept 9 hours the night before. This child of mine who loves school and learning didn't go to his green desk; instead, he went to the corner of the room, laid down in the floor, and put his blanket over his head.

The rest of the day went slowly. It involved a lot of falling asleep, waking up only to get sick, moaning, very little speaking, and falling asleep again. Yesterday... it was scary for me. I waited on phone calls from the neurologist and from our pediatrician, but I couldn't help but notice how tired and how different he seemed from just a few days before.

In God's sovereign grace and provision, He cared for Samuel yesterday when I was frightened and unsure of what to do. He seemed to lifeless to me, but God was sustaining him and knew exactly what to do when I didn't. How grateful I am for my Heavenly Father! His care is so much greater than mine for both me and the children that He's entrusted me with.

Today... oh, TODAY.

Today, Samuel is filled with laughter and smiles, and he is gladly sitting on the couch, doing his school work because he realized he missed it yesterday. I am typing this through tears of thankfulness because joy truly does come in the morning. Friends of ours are going through trials that I cannot fathom. Their children are facing battles that shouldn't be comprehended by little ones at their ages. 

Yet, I see God. I see him working it all together for good. Romans 8:28. Even through the hard, disappointing, sad, unfair situations, I see that God has a greater purpose that I cannot truly understand at this time. I have to be willing to trust His plans and know that His will is going to be done in each of them... because yesterday, oh yesterday, I had no control. God had it all.

I don't know what tomorrow holds or what next week brings, but I know God already has it planned. I want to be willing and able to trust Him whatever it looks like...

The doctors believe Samuel was having an adverse reaction to his new medication. The dosage will be lowered and monitored for a short time.

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