Saturday, November 25, 2006

Getting Your Hopes Up Again...

I just have to laugh at myself this time...
Only because I'm so good at doing this.

I don't think life is about planning, although I am a HUGE planner. Seems I spend my weeks around this scheduler in my purse, and it kills me when something's not in place or comes up spur of the moment.

I don't even think life is about figuring out what it's all about, although I try my hardest to overanalyze every situation I am in. I want to understand the things I go through, and so I will spend hours writing out my thoughts about what has happened, and though it makes me feel better, nothing has been figured out.

I don't believe that life is about discovering what makes you happy, although I wouldn't mind finding out how happiness comes so easily to others. I've realized that no one can make me happy. Happiness comes from within, and it's not just being happy that makes life worth its while.

I don't know why life has to be so difficult yet so simplistic at the same time, although I'm finding that I believe that's the whole point: finding a common balance between the two. Life has to be hard and simple or it wouldn't be worth living. I just can't imagine a life that was just one way or the other.

But of all the things I don't understand and don't know yet, I really haven't learned how to be patient. In my life, with everything I've ever faced, I always get my hopes up. It's not always hoping for something amazing; I may see the 99 ways the situation could come out in a negative manner. Even after having done this all of my life, I STILL DO IT. I guess that's what I most wish I could figure out. How to not look ahead... Get my hopes up... Look so pessimistically at what might happen next... In the process, I've ruined something great for myself, and I'm a bit disappointed but I've noticed yet again that this is what I haven't LEARNED.

No comments: