Saturday, May 26, 2012

In Awe

He is perfect.  Seriously.  I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how God knits our children within our wombs and knows exactly how to fashion them for us.  With and after each pregnancy I have endured, I become more in awe of God and His ability to create to perfection. 

When Daniel was born, after months of ultrasounds for high kidney fluid levels, we learned that the fluid was gone.  This, of course, was amazing to his doctors (and us), but NOT to his God.  When Samuel was born at 38 weeks instead of when he had tried to come at 33 and on his big brother's first birthday, he was healthy and thriving.  We feared the trama of pre-term labor may have effected him, but there is no fear in God.  When Elias was born, his ambilical cord was wrapped around his neck.  His purple tint was alarming to my husband, but NOT to my God. 

Years of miscarriages and healthy babies have taught me that life is not in my hands.  I have realized that it is not my responsibility to worry or fear over what could happen or what might have been.  God is constantly working out all things for our good if we love Him (Romans 8:28). 

Had you asked me 4 years ago what good came out of my first miscarriage, I would have said, "Nothing."  However, today, I can see the good, and its name is Daniel.  Had I never miscarried, I would have never had Daniel.  I cannot fathom not having this rambunctious, determined, intelligent boy in my life. 

Had you asked me what good came out of getting pregnant when my firstborn was only 3 months old, I would have told you then that it wasn't.  However, today, I see the face of my sweet Samuel, and I understand why God gave him to us so quickly.  He teaches us to love deeper.  He shows us how to laugh harder.  He makes us feel special by just being in his presence because he cares for us that much.

Ask me what good came out of my fourth pregnancy, and I can tell you that miscarrying wasn't easy or good.  It broke my heart but it allowed me to appreciate my two living children in ways I cannot explain.  I looked at heaven differently as well...  I began looking forward to it instead of being afraid to die.

Just recently, I've heard the phrases, "This oughta be good," and "How will you handle it?" in reference to being pregnant again (fifth child) with two toddlers at home.  I'll tell you now that then I responded with, "It's going to be hard," and "I don't know what God was thinking."  Today, I'm seeing so much more of God in my full house.  I will say that it is difficult and I still don't know exactly why God allowed me to have another child so quickly, but I won't question what God has given me. 

My heart is so overwhelmed with joy that I cannot put it into words.  These are HIS plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), and I certainly believe they are far better than any I could have made for myself.  Looking around at my blessings today reminded me just how awestruck I am over my God.  He is far too good to me, and yes, He and His plans are absolutely perfect.

The big brothers welcome baby Elias home.

Daniel is quite thrilled when holding Elias.

Samuel loves to give his baby brother kisses.

My Three Sons :)

I wanna give it to him, Momma.

Laying in the floor together.

Sharing a sweet moment together.

Look at my rockets, Elias!

Sticker time at the table,
and yes, Elias had to join in.

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