Wednesday, September 16, 2009


It's not everyday that I open up and completely share my emotions.  It's not often that I have to admit to my insecurities.  It's not enjoyable when other people see me cry, and I am not a huge fan of feeling vulnerable. 

Oh, but sisters, I am.  I am emotional.  I am completely insecure.  I cry, and I am ridiculously vulnerable in the fact that I need to share something I've learned.  If I haven't said so, I am neck deep in the Esther Bible study with Beth Moore.  I have never been so moved to open my heart and fall face first into the arms of Jesus.  Because Beth is right, "It's Tough Being a Woman." And do you know why it's tough for me?  Do you know what I've been struggling with for months now?


I mean, full-fledged, scared to sleep, terrified to live kind of fear, and I am so sick of it.  I have been dealing with fear from all angles of my life.  Every aspect of fear, from the fearing of my lack of control, being fearful of being lonely in regards to faithful friendships, to being horrified of failing, to my struggles with making decisions, and even scared of death.  I could go in great detail over all of these.  I could tell you that I am fearful of losing control.  I am so miserable over not having solid Christian relationships.  I am sick over the idea of failing at being a wife, a mother, a Christian, you name it.  I have the most difficult time making decisions over fear of making the wrong ones.  I could tell you that I am so scared of losing loved ones. But honestly, it wouldn't do me or you any good.

What I have realized (with the aid of Beth Moore) is that each fear I have is a motive for the devil.  He attacks me when I am fearful and scared, and I am almost certain, if you're willing to admit it, that Satan is doing the same to you.  Sweet friends, let's take hold of these fears and no longer be gripped by them.  Because it's our gift from the Lord to be able to LIVE.  And not just live but live it more abundantly.  Fear is not included in that gift.  Jesus set us free from that fear when He saved our souls.  And that's a good thing for me, because I don't want to live like this.  I want to look life straight in the face and LIVE...  fearlessly.

I don't know how it could get any better than that.

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