Friday, March 20, 2009

Getting What I Deserved

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

It was my freshman year at Western Kentucky University. I was awkward, clumsy, and looking for friends that I hadn't made just yet. Those are what you could see on the outside. Inside, I was busy trying to pass classes that I realized I definitely wasn't prepared for, and honestly, I couldn't believe I had even been accepted into this collegiate school. Soon, I became lazy and thought that if this "university path" wasn't easy that I didn't necessarily have to make an effort. I would miss classes left and right and was ultimately shocked when this next incident occured.

It was Finals Week. I studied. Some. If some means not at all, then that would be what I did. I walked into my Western Civilization class (you know, the one I hadn't been to in weeks), and I took my usual back-of-the-class seat. We all pulled out our little blue examination books and began what I can only describe as the most horrifying test I've ever taken. It was like I was in Kindergarten trying to read chapter books. I had NO idea what to say, and I knew that writing anything would make me more of a fool than I already was. But I did. And I failed the class.

Life lessons aren't the easiest to come by. It took me years to understand what I had done, not only to my transcript, but to myself. I had failed at something. Don't get me wrong, failing isn't failing when you've actually tried. I had made NO attempt at passing that class. Nevertheless, I failed the class because I had failed myself, my parents, and my God.

I heard it said this week that we, as Christians, are not called to understand; we are called to OBEY. When I ran the statement over in my head, it was like another Western Civ. test was being pushed right in front of me. Not because I hadn't studied, but because I never realized that my downfall in most situations is that I give up. If it gets too hard, I just give in.

I am the exact same way with God. When things get difficult in my life, I often find myself blaming God for what He isn't doing. If I cannot understand what is going on around me, then I want to completely rid myself of the situation. I end up doubting that God truly is God, and I expect more from Him the next time around. But where I've gone wrong is that I haven't done anything in regards to proving that I am His child. Just like with wanting to pass that class, I made no effort to make the grade. I just wanted the A and didn't do what it took to get it.

It is an easy thing to say that we love the Lord. It is even easier to love Him when things are good. What happens when we are faced with circumstances that are not ones we would have chosen? Do you, like me, often bail and forget to fall on your knees in prayer? There are so many things I don't understand... I wish I could tell you that life with the Lord is an easy one. It isn't. It, too, is a test. My faith is tested daily, and I don't always pass with an A. I know, though, that all the Lord asks of me is my obedience.

With my failed college course, I had the obedience of a child. I had everything I'd ever wanted: parents that believed in me, were willing to pay for my tuition, and knew what I was capable of. I had a Father that knew I would fail because I wasn't willing to obey. Yet, He gave me a second opportunity to do so. I took the same class the following semester and worked harder than I had at anything. I left that particular course with an A, one I truly deserved because I had obeyed...

No comments: