Sunday, May 16, 2010

What I've Learned Most about Parenting in 24 Hours

Just when I thought we had learned all we could about parenting, we find ourselves in the Emergency Room yet again for the fifth time in six months.  Of course, I am a whopping 37 and a half weeks pregnant, so if you see me anywhere, you'll think I'm in labor, as the nurse did last night.

...except we weren't in the E.R. for me or for labor or delivery.  We were there with Daniel.

It has been, by far, the most exhausting 24 hours of my life, and I just now find time to actually think about what happened, could have happened, and what I'm feeling now.  Honestly, the tears are finally beginning to flow.  Seeing my first born in such a miserable state is the hardest thing I've ever felt.  Car wrecks are bad.  Falling out of a cheerleading stunt on my head was rough.  Labor was excruciating.  However, seeing the tears of my child, who cannot be consoled, literally have broken my heart.

Saturday seemed normal.  Daniel woke up crying, as he always does, and he felt a bit warm.  We gave him Tylenol, and all was well.  We went to a birthday party where he played, walked around, and had a ball with balloons.  However, when we got home, things began changing with Daniel.  We all took a nap, but were startled awake by Daniel's crying and sweat pouring off of him.  His temperature was 102.2.  I don't know if I've ever had a fever that high!  So we gave him another dose of Tylenol, but when the fever began to rise, just hours later, we gave him Motrin.  We also called the pediatrician who said to bathe him, as the lukewarm water would help break the fever, and if his fever ever exceeded 103 to get him to the E.R.

Not long after, Daniel got really irritable and tired, would NOT let us put him down, and fell asleep in my arms.  An hour and a half later, he woke in his crib, screaming, sweating, and as hot as I'd ever felt.  His temperature had risen to 103.5.  We immediately prepare for the E.R.

Long story short, Daniel was diagnosed with an ear infection.  That's it.  But he's battled a high temperature all day today as well.  He's been so needy and unable to sleep, my reaction as a parent was to stay calm and help him in any way I could.  That's all we have been able to do...  Care for him.  His fever finally broke late this afternoon, even though he still is at 99, but his not eating or drinking or willingness to take meds is really starting to kick in tonight.  He won't sleep.  He will fall asleep, but cannot stay asleep.  He's crying now as I type...

What I've learned though is that I am SO NOT in control.  I had this picture in my mind when I was pregnant with Daniel that I'd have it all together.  I'd be organized, and he'd always be dressed adorably.  He'd never get dirty, and I'd always be the perfect parent.  I was SO wrong.  The pictures in my mind now are ones of my Heavenly Father.  I try to think about how it'd be to parent Jesus, and I even try to fathom how God felt when His Son was dying on the cross.  Yet I can't.  I can't imagine how hard it must have been to watch your child die...  because my child simply has a fever and an ear infection and I'm in pieces.

I've had to rely on medications and antibiotics to heal Daniel for me.  All of my hugs and kisses and consoling haven't been much help to him in the way of "fixing" him.  Yet, I've been reminded all day long that I cannot control life.  I cannot keep Daniel away from sickness.  I can't even stop sin from stealing his innocence.  It's all completely out of my hands.

However, I'm so thankful that I have a Father who can.  He can break this fever.  He can heal Daniel's ear.  He can calm every storm.  He can even spare lives from hell.  That's what my God can do.  And though I've always known these things, I've become more aware of how grateful I am to know that my children are actually His.  God created each of them, and He knit them together in my womb.  He is there for them when I cannot be, and He'll be the one to give them life everlasting through faith in Jesus Christ.  No matter what kind of parent I wanted to be or ever will be, God is the real parent.  He's in charge and in control of their lives.  What better hands could Daniel be in?!

No comments: