Wednesday, July 26, 2006

There's A Whole Bunch Of Getting Nowhere Going On...

And I'm here to say I'm sick of it. My major test of faith lately has been patience, and yes, mine wears extremely thin. I know it's my downfall, it's the pit I seem to always find myself in, but I can't help but wonder why things in my life must always feel as if they are on hold, or mute, or pause, or temporarily halted, or just stopped altogether. And for once, I'm okay with saying I'm not okay with it all.

I've been patient about college; I've finally graduated. I was patient about finding a job; I got one fairly quickly (let's just say I had one before I even graduated, thank you Lord). I've been fine about living at home; I actually enjoy it. I love where my life is, for the most part, but certain areas seem to perplex me more than others and patience is hard to come by.

He's there for me when I need him. He calls quite often. He's become my best friend because he's always been since probably freshmen year. We're ridiculously closer than most couples are. I've known he's liked me before. I think he knows I like him now. We talk everyday. But something tells me it's going nowhere. Am I wrong for wondering, "Why not?!" We call before we go to bed. We act like a couple does. Why aren't we one? I'm not sure. I know it's about patience, and that I'm supposed to wait. I don't know how much longer I can.

Maybe it's because this isn't what God wants for me. Maybe this friend doesn't actually like me back. Maybe he likes my company and enjoys our friendship and thinks that's all it is. Maybe girls think too much into things. Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I don't care if I do. Maybe I wish that God would help me out with this. Maybe I already know He is. Maybe I just feel as if there's a whole lot of getting nowhere going on, and maybe I'm ready to be moving on...


Brittany said...

Life's funny sometimes, especially when I think of how much we are alike.
One thing I am thankful for, however, is that it seems as though God makes you strong when I am weak, and vice versa, so that we can be here for each other. For once, I feel like I have a handle on what's going on around now it's MY turn to return the favor.
I don't know exactly what's going on in your life, but I feel a strange sense of 'de ja vu' in the works. Not too long ago, someone very wise told me that sometimes our time and God's time aren't the same.
You know I struggle with this whole patience thing...we're kindred in that. I know YOU of all people have the faith to know that things will happen in His time...trite? maybe, but true? definitely. Know that you will be on my heart, especially for the next few days. Know that I am continuously here for you, and might I add, very skilled in the art of listening! Know that there are no words to describe how amazing you are, and if this guy can't see that, then "maybe HE's not ready to be with YOU." (familiar, no?) Know that I wish I could take this hurt and frustration from you, and even more than me, there is someone else that wants to do that for you.
"Let go and let God."

I love you so much!

Brittany said...

I leave Saturday, but will be staying in Franklin Friday night to have a punctual ride to the airport.

your boo.