What's This About Changing?

It's hard to keep up with time when you've got none to spare. I really love to write, but I've spent day in and day out cutting out witches and bats, planning Halloween parties, and getting evaluated by my principal (which went AWESOME). It's just hard to find all the time I need to be the person I am. Does that make sense? I don't guess it has to, because it does to me and I'm my own sidekick these days.

I have found out that Pumpkin Patches are dirty, hayrides are fun even when you're old(er), hot chocolate is the best thing on the face of the Earth, Caramel Apple Cider from Starbucks is a daily must have, and the changing of leaves is exactly what you need when you're driving home feeling like nothing's ever going to change.

I've noticed quite a bit lately that I'm content with being alone, but no one else seems to be okay that I'm alright with it. It may be years before I'm in a serious relationship again, and I'm completely and utterly content with that. I may be single for another five years. This singleness is something I like about myself, my inner strength, my independence, my inability to change for anyone. Change is the key word right now.

I've gotten sick often in the past two months. I'll go outside for two seconds, and I'm down with bronchitis again. I remember when Fall was my favorite time, playing in the leaves, watching football and cheering them on, going to Haunted Houses, but heck, if I went now to even one of those events, I'll have a bug that lasts for two weeks. I just can't risk that. Yet again, my inability to change is now for weather.

I miss my friends, I mean, I am not sad about it. We don't have time. Maybe we do, we just don't make it. I guess when you're at this age, you realize that you're either going to be friends despite how often you see each other or you're just not. A few years ago, I would have never accepted this statement from a friend or even had made it myself, but the truth is, I know that life is more than the fights we have over where to eat or how much time we spend with our significant others. Life has become so much more to me now that I spend everyday with a group of nineteen little children who WANT me to be their best friend. I believe they'd be there even if the county didn't make them. We enjoy each other that much. That part saddens me; that my best friends and I can't find time for one another but I'll spend 22 hours working on projects for these kids I may never see again after this year.

Think about that statement and how selfish it sounds... If I haven't made time for you, let me make one small change right here and now by taking the time to say I'm sorry. However, my life has a huge purpose right now, a path God has put me on, and my friends will always be my best friends and nothing will replace that, not time or distance, but these kids... I have one chance to get it right, and this is my shot. Please understand, I haven't changed. I'm still the same me, I'm just giving most of me to a classroom of children who may someday change the world.