And When I'm Broken, You Put Me Back Together Again.

Sometimes my doubt overshadows the underlying truth to every situation I face in life. I've come to realize that the pressures I have put on myself were all but merely ways of attempting not to fail at teaching. God is so good to me. He knows what I need. He gives me the words I need to hear. He knows when I'm completely torn, and He always sends people to help me make myself right again. This time, He's had to do all of it. I'm not saying everything's okay; I've just come to understand what's been wrong, and I'm now taking the steps to make it right.

After finding myself lower than I've been in quite sometime last night, I struggled to tell one of my sweetest friends my failures. I admitted my fears and each minute was another minute closer to God. She helped me to realize where I stood, although I knew it all along, hearing it from her made it so much easier to make sense of. I was trying to make things perfect, almost expecting them to be, but as Brittany said, "We put ALOT of pressure on ourselves to be perfect, even though we know perfection is a state we should strive for, all the while knowing it's one we can never realistically reach." And as I listened to her explain how far away from God I had gotten, she said something I really needed to hear, "Maybe He wants you to admit--to Him--that you CAN'T do it all." I haven't done that in years... Admitted that I CANNOT do something without the Lord. I just do it all by myself, when I know that He's right there with me. I never once have asked for help.

Until today. I listened clearly in church as my heart was burdened. I knew the Lord had something to say to me. Bro. Brian's sermon was "A Message in a Bottle." He talked about walking into a convenience store and trying to pick out a beverage to quench your thirst. Which one should we choose, and which beverage are our Christian lives most like? He discussed the beer can. Beer is appealing to some, even addictive, but more so it's intoxicating. If you are living your life in an intoxicating way, then others follow you in a way that's not pleasing to God. He then mentioned a coke. Coke is high in sugar and caffeine with provide immediate energy but once they wear out of your system, the high wears off and you feel tired. This is like being a on again-off again Christian; you're there when you need to be, full of life and ready to serve, but when the curtains close, you're nowhere to be found serving the Lord. He then talked about fruit juices and vegetable drinks. These drinks provide nutrients our bodies need but many of them are high in sodium and can dry out quickly, with your body not having what it needs. This is much like the Christian who claims to be a Christian on Sunday but live how they want to during the week. They get their drink in service and it dries out by the time they get home and never give it another thought. But finally, Bro. Brian discusses water. Water provides the purification and cleansing our bodies need. It quenches our thirst and gives stability. This is the type of life we as Christians should live. The life that is stable and glorifying God.

God knew that my life had become intoxicating, tired, and had more than anything dried out. When Bro. Brian finished preaching, I knew that I wanted my life's bottle's message to be of water - purifying, cleansing, and stable. I only had to trust in Him. I haven't done this in so long. It feels so good knowing where you fail the Lord and even better knowing how to change it. I love that He's going to be there with me every step of the way.