Waiting on You

Last night (Saturday), it was close to midnight before Samuel fell asleep, and I prayed over him that God would watch over and protect him as he slept. It's a strange thing... wanting your child to be safe from harm but waiting for him to have an episode.

When the first neurologist arrived around six something this morning (Sunday), I was reminded that God's plan was no seizure on night one of epilepsy monitoring (EMU). Samuel had slept well, and when the team of neurologists came an hour later, they asked questions concerning his episodes and how they normally present themselves. The attending epileptologist was grateful for my detailed descriptions and said that Samuel's sound very indicative of seizures.  She decided he would not take his medication for a second day in a row to induce seizure activity. They said we would just keep waiting.

Samuel had a long day, though. He became more frustrated and bothered by the gauze and wires, saying they itched. He played app after app, but he was just so exhausted, he wasn't too thrilled doing anything. He got a big surprise when his Aunt Jessica and Mimi came and brought a bag of goodies! He was so tired after they left that he fell asleep. While he was sleeping, another visitor came.  Daddy came and brought more cookies.

However, Samuel has been quite the tough one to break because he ignores most anyone who walks in the room - all of the nurses and doctors! He has not enjoyed getting his vitals taken or having to take his antibiotic for a cough he has / had prior to arriving. He has not talked to his nurses at all!  

Tonight ( Sunday still ), we rented a movie from the Vanderbilt DVD kiosk. The nurses told us it was like the uncool cousin version of Redbox or Netflix. They gave us a card, almost like a library or gift card, that is ours while we are here, and we can rent one movie at a time with it for free. We watched 2 tonight. Samuel thought it was great! 

It seems so simple to wait. Wait until he has an episode. Wait until we get what we need. Wait until he has a seizure then press the black button. I think that I am starting to realize that it isn't about the wait as much as it is about my surrender. I have sat in this room looking at Samuel thinking the reason we are here just cannot be possible, yet I have prayed to the Lord to protect him at least a dozen times since yesterday. Lord, if it be Your will. No matter what happens here or at home with Samuel, God is and will be exactly what we need and have been waiting for. So, tonight, as our sweet boy sleeps, if God has chosen this path for us, then I will wait.

Pictures include: waking up, smiling with Mimi, grins with Aunt Jessica, movie with Mom, napping, cookies with Daddy, and bedtime.

Delightfully Different

It's been pointed out to me more than once today that next week everything will be different.  Oh, how I long for different!  I've become more and more overwhelmed excited that there will be three little ones dwelling within our four walls in the last few days.  Maybe because I'm ready to stop having heartburn or that I'm anxious to sleep comfortably again even if for only a few, short hours...  Either way, I cannot wait to see what God has in store.

It's hard to imagine change when it hasn't happened yet.  I cannot put into words how many times I've thought about the upcoming arrival and wondered how it would effect our family.  I've worried over Daniel and Samuel's reactions, and I have even tried thinking of ways to manage it all.  But, honestly, what do I know?!  There's not much that's certain right now...  yet I know that my Lord has chosen us for such a time as this.  He's allowed me to carry this child to 39+ weeks (who would have thought?!), and He'll carry me through whatever it is that lies ahead.

I'm delighted to see the work of God's hands.  I've been looking into my boys' faces so much differently this week as we anticipate the birth of this, our third son.  I have seen how wonderfully God designed Daniel and Samuel and how amazingly different each of them is.  However, I've noticed how much they resemble Brian and me,  how their personalities reflect our good qualities and our not-so-flattering traits, and how God intended us to be their parents.  What will this boy be like?  Who will he favor?  Will he be rambunctious like Daniel or timid like Samuel?  Will he have Mommy's nose like the other two boys or will he have Daddy's stature?  It's all so thrilling when I think next week will be different, Lord willing, and I will have another God-given face to view.

Next week.  We cannot wait to see you.

Waiting on You

For eight months, I have waited on you.  I've envisioned what you have in store for me.  I've pictured the gift that is to come.  I've imagined holding this baby in my arms while frantically taking care of our other two boys.  I have endured the kicks, scrapes, and emotions along the way, and yet, here I am, still waiting on you. 

There are many things I've waited on in my mere 29 years.  I've waited to lose my first tooth, receive my first kiss, and drive my first car.  I waited not-so-patiently for the man I was to marry to be revealed to me.  I waited through an almost unbearable 4 months of depression after losing our first child to miscarriage to finally feel at peace.  I waited through 21 hours of labor and then 2 full hours of pushing to finally meet our firstborn son.  I waited through 8 days of magnesium, 10 days of bed rest, and 2 more weeks for our second son to arrive healthy and full term.  More recently, I have waited in the children's ER for the doctors to put a cast on my toddler's broken leg.  To be honest, I've waited on people, children, flights, phone calls, and a number of other things, but in all my years, I have learned that there is nothing more difficult to wait upon than the Lord.

Yet, it is my pleasure to do so.  Had I not waited on Him all those times before, I cannot fathom what a mess I would have made out of those situations.  I've been reminded today of this jewel, But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.  I have found myself waiting quite impatiently for the Lord to allow this pregnancy to come full term before His time. 

However, God's plan and timing are not to be compared or interfered with or even attempted to be changed.  He knows exactly what He has in store for me.  He knows everything about this child in my womb, and He knows when he should arrive.  It is my honor and privilege to wait for God to make His move.  He promises to give me strength to endure, and He gladly speaks sweet words of encouragement in my ears and to my heart.  That's what the verse in Isaiah 40:31 did for me today.  It allowed me to hear the voice of my Father, saying, "Just wait."

Can you imagine what He has in store for us?!  All of the things I had wanted for my life are nothing in comparison to what God has ended up blessing me with.  Are we too impatient and fast-paced in this busy life to allow God to take His time and BLESS US far above what we could ask or even think (Ephesians 3:20)?!  Today, I'm learning to be grateful and patient in this season of waiting.  What (and who) lies ahead is most definitely worth it!

Counting Down...

Be anxious for nothing...
Philippians 4:6

I can remember counting down the days until my sixteenth birthday; I could not wait to FINALLY see what car my daddy had chosen for me. I vividly recall marking down the days until high school graduation; I had bought my dress a little over 2 months before that night in complete excitement. I even laugh when I think back to waiting ever so impatiently for my two-month engagement to move quickly on to the wedding day; I was so pumped to wear that dress, marry that man, and live happily ever after.

Even with all of the excitement when countdowns begin, I have the hardest time being patient. I actually noticed today that I have been pregnant for 260 days. Let me make that clear, TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY DAYS. That's progressively close to a year, and yet, all of this waiting, no matter how amazing the outcome, has been incredibly difficult on me.

Why is it that waiting for good things becomes such a tremendous task? Why is it that we begin to complain when the days do not go swiftly by? Why is it that patience is such a tough virtue to obtain?

I have learned that the waiting is only preparing me for what lies ahead. I imagine that once I hold this little miracle in my arms for the first time, that I will forget about the tirelessly, miserable days of waiting I have endured. I want to be able to enjoy the counting down. I want to remember these days for the rest of my life. I want to know that I was absolutely enthralled by the gift God was about to give me.

I cannot tell you how long I waited for that first car. It would take days for me to even remember what the last days of high school were like. It is hard for me to look back in detail on what all I experienced that beautiful March day in 2007 when I married my best friend. I imagine that once this countdown ends and Elijah is here, I will have forgotten about these last days of pregnancy I have come to dread.

God has prepared this time just for me. The countdown has only just begun. The Lord has so much more in store for me. How patient will I be to wait on His blessings? I'm not sure. But I'm ready, and I am so excited to share all of it with you.

Just 20 days from him,
Jenna

Waiting on You

Contractions, friends. Lots of them.

They aren't the easiest things to bear, either. I stay up all hours of the night wondering if "this" could be "it." Except the "it" hasn't yet come. I know it is only a matter of time. I just, days ago, reached full term, but the anticipation is building. I can hardly bear the excitement just like my lack of handling the contractions.

See, I have learned something in the waiting game. I have such great expectation over what is to come, that the pain isn't quite as bad as I had envisioned. As each new pattern of contractions begin, I get anxious to see what lies ahead. I know that the outcome will be a child, but I have no idea what I am REALLY getting in waiting.

If I put the same emotions into action when it comes to my Lord, what a difference my life would have! If I dealt with the pain, knowing that Heaven was my outcome, I'd realize that it would be worth it. I've imagined Christ on the cross a number of times this week. I've seen Him hanging there in my mind, and through all the pain, He anticipated great things. He KNEW what was in store for Him, and I do too. The Lord gave me that hope when I was a 10 year old girl almost 15 years ago this month.

I am waiting, Lord. I am waiting to meet this boy with humble expectation. More so, Lord, I am waiting to meet you. I don't mind the pain, trials, and heartache, knowing that You are the ultimate outcome.