January Was a Big Hole in One.

January 12, 2007 - The Pursuit of Happiness
In the pursuit for happiness, I have encountered more heartache than I care to recall. But for the sake of demonstrating why I have been feeling so downhearted, let me take you down the path I have traveled and thus understand why I think the ironic thing about happiness is that it's merely a pursuit. It's highly overrated and sometimes completely unobtainable.

Last year, 2006, started as one of the best years of my life. I had stopped drinking... I was single and NOT looking. I was happy. I spent the Eve praying in the living room of my youth minister's house, amongst the best of friends, who then decided Chubby Bunnies was in order as it usually is around that time of year. That's just how the year started... I fell for "Bump in the Road" this year. I won't say "The Bump" was easy to get over; actually, it busted a few of my tires along the way. I didn't mind it though; it was a "bump" that I didn't mind taking.

I actually believed happiness could happen for me in the fall of 2006. I guess when you aren't looking for it, you accidentally just need a rest and take the next exit. That's what he was: "The Rest Stop." I wanted something to get me out of the place I was in before. I was miserable, and I just wanted to be happy. I had forgotten what that was. So I just forgot about everything and pulled over with him. I enjoyed the simplicity of sitting still. I liked watching ball and staying up late for no reason at all, but a "rest" is just that... It can't last long... And I was driving on, and before I knew it, I was back to the "Bump in the Road."

2007 started much differently. I was not drinking, but I'll be honest in saying that the thought had crossed my mind. It's a temptation and an addiction that's always been there. But that's a totally different blog. I didn't spend this Eve praying like I should have; I spent it with one of the same friends among a much different crowd. Here's where "The Puddle" came into view... Sure, he looked good from a distance and playing in the water is always fun for a kid at heart, but after a while, "The Puddle" loses its touch and I'm left muddy and lonely. You wash yourself off, drive away, expecting something better only to find that same "Bump in the Road."

I don't know where this road is headed. I continue down the same one. But I'm determined to move on... Happiness is not found in someone else, and I know this, but it's so hard when you allow yourself to trust others. I'm learning, I really am, about how to trust my instincts and know that the only happiness in life is found in the Lord, but I wanted everyone to know that it's hard to understand and that happiness isn't easy.


January 18, 2007 - Don't Take Offense...

Please don't take offense if I haven't answered or don't answer your phone calls in the next few days. Seems I've finally caught my first sickness in my first year of teaching, and I missed my first day of school today. STINK. I'm really tired or I'd write more, and the glands in my neck are swollen up like oranges, plus I'm freezing and burning all at the same time. So, pray for me that this is no big deal and it will go away...


January 20,2007 - Never Was Much of a Fan of Golf... Now I Know Why.

I've had this ache in my neck for days. The best way to describe it is that I have two golfball-sized lumps on the side of my neck where my glands should be, which of course has been some cause for concern. I've been to the doctor twice, and it wasn't until yesterday that one of them was able to tell me what is wrong with me. Seems that the lymph nodes in my neck are incredibly swollen (inflamed, whatever that means) and I've been put on penicilin for the next 7 days. If you've never taken penicilin, it's vomit in a bottle. Literally. It's powers are beyond any drug I've ever been handed by a pharmicist only because I can't say that I'm feeling better, but the overwhelming feeling in the pit of my stomach reminding me that I may get sick from this stupid pill is pretty AMAZING. That's a tough drug. I mean it. Dr. Erin hopes that the swelling is being caused by a bacterial infection, hopefully, and if so, the penicilin, as awful as it is, will knock the infection out. However, if the golfballs remain, it could mean that the infection is indeed viral and I have the beginning phases of strep or mono. Stupid. Luckily, I'm not contagious. No fever came with the swelling, just the inability to swallow and the need to sleep A LOT. I'm praying that the penicilin, as terribly dreadful as it is, is going to heal this and I'm going to be good by Monday for MY 24th and so I can return to see my kids!


January 27, 2007 - You Move Me (aka - The Lord gave me Brian)

Words come easily to me. They seem to be the one thing I can depend on when everything else fails. That is, until now.

I have been so moved by the Lord in the past week that I have been unable to speak. He has shown me how to truly "be still." It's an amazing thing, to be humbled in His presence, to be living in His light, and to know that He is the center of my world.

In time, the Lord will help me to speak this blessing more eloquently like I'm known for, but at this point in time, I am silenced by His grace, strength, and plan.

Jeremiah 29:11-12 - "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen."

March 10, 2007, Realizations in Life, Few and Far Between

The life you've been living, the days that you've been given were made for something beautiful.

Life, don't let it pass you by, because you were created for something beautiful.

The realization that I am a part of something bigger than just myself has hit me. It's taken about a month and a little over a week for it to settle in that God has showed me who He created for me. I didn't exactly have to search like I thought I needed to and did for years, but when I had all but given up on believing in it, there he was, knowing that we were made for one another. God didn't just give us this idea that we're a good team or we really like one another; He orchestrated a major work in which He took us all the way to Jamaica on a mission trip to meet one another. We learned to serve the Lord together before we ever learned to serve each other anything. It's an awesome thing, knowing that my life has God as its author. It's amazing that my relationship was not something I made happen but that God put together in a mighty way. Even more so, it's absolutely beautiful knowing that every step we take together, there's always another with us...

What a Weekend This Has Been! God, Your Timing is Perfect.

In what seemed to be the quickest decisions we have ever made, life changed even quicker for us when we received some heart breaking news this past Thursday night. I didn't have time to call anyone, so I sent out emails between my 2 hours of sleep and packing my bag and loading the car and heading to the airport... These are the emails to show you what's happened.

1:08 AM, Friday, August 10th - Needing Prayers of Our Friends


Friends and Family,

As you may or may not know, my husband, Brian's grandfather has been ill for quite some time, but the Lord chose to ease his pain and take him home this evening. This is a wonderful thing because as the illness had overtaken Granddaddy's fragile body, he was unable to walk the way he once could, but we can now rejoice, as he is walking the streets of Heaven tonight.

I write you not because we are saddened but because we need the Lord's help in times like these. Brian left today for a mission trip to Alaska, knowing it was the Lord's will. Brian loved this man who encouraged him and taught him the Word of God, and at this moment in time (12:25 a.m. on Friday, August 10) Brian has not received word of Granddaddy's passing. Pray for comfort at the time of his hearing.

Also, arrangements have not yet been made. Brian wanted dearly to preach his grandfather's funeral, as to Brian, it would be and is a celebration. However, with Brian in Alaska, things may be difficult in planning. Please pray for the Lord's hand in the arrangements, in getting Brian home if HE wills it, and in safe travels.

Nonetheless, my greatest joy in writing each of you is knowing that one day I will see both Granddaddy and my Nana again. When we visited Granddaddy just a few weeks ago in the hospital on July 25 and after Brian had read Romans 8 and Granddaddy quoted almost every scripture, I heard him say one of the most wonderful things I've ever heard. As we got ready to leave, Brian leaned over and said, "I don't know if I'll get to see you again, but if I don't, I'll see you on the other side." Granddaddy grinned and replied, "We have a great hope, don't we, son?!" I pray that you have that same hope today.

Please pray for our family in the upcoming days...

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5

In His Love,
Jenna





11:38 AM, Friday, August 10th - Update on Brian and Our Family


Friends and Family,

Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Brian received word in Alaska last night around 1 a.m. Central Time. He then was able to change his flight for next Tuesday to this morning at approximately 2 a.m. Brian will be arriving in Nashville today at noon after having had no sleep since Wednesday night. Please pray for his being able to catch up on sleep considering the weekend he is about to have.

We will be heading to West Tennessee when I pick him up at the airport in just a few minutes. As of now, the arrangements for Brian's grandfather are as follows:

Dr. Bennie L. Johnson
Chase Funeral Home
Highway 70
Huntingdon, TNSaturday Visitation 2:00 - 8:00
Sunday Funeral 3:00

Off I-40 W, take exit 108. Turn right until you see exit sign towards Camden, veer right.
Get to first 4 way stop, turn left on Buena Vista Road. Funeral Home is on the right, but you are behind the funeral home in the parking lot.

Thank you for your calls, emails, and prayers. If you have any trouble finding us, call me at 615-300-7055.

Love and Blessings,
Jenna Johnson





I will let you know how blessed I feel and about God's timing tomorrow, rest is in order for now. We are home. Thank you for your prayers, and Lord, you are SO good.

I Probably Wouldn't Be This Way...

It seems like an eternity ago that I was walking down the aisle saying "I do" to the rest of my life, and not one moment goes by that I don't think about that day and the commitment we made. It's strange how life now gets in the way and tries to distort your views and get into the center of your marriage where God should be. I've learned that things are always easier when you stay in His will, and we've found that the first year is much more of a blessing when you leave Him do His work.

But, times get hard. It's not always easy. It feels like ages ago that I held him. I remember about three weeks ago when he told me the burden that he had. I really didn't think it would hit me the way it has. Being as independent as I always have been, it couldn't be that big of deal if God had given him the burden to go on a mission trip. Besides, in February, right after we were engaged, he had gone on a 10-day mission trip to Jamaica, and though it was hard being away from him, it wasn't that difficult. God lightened the load.

This time is different... As the day of his departure approached, the heaviness inside of me grew, and I could tell it wasn't going to be easy this time. The separation was going to be harder than I could imagine. I read "The two shall be as one..." over and over in the Bible, and each time I read it, it cut even deeper. I have a deeper understanding and appreciation for my marriage now and for what God has put together. It is nothing good in me; it's what He has done in us.

Having him leave this morning changed something in me... Something about him not being here hurts more than I can put into words. The tears come without discussing it, the pain overcomes me at any given moment, and the emptiness I feel is so overwhelming. I know the Lord has called him to be in Alaska, telling the people of that beautiful state about his calling to do the Lord's work, and I firmly believe that should anything happen to him that I know I will see him again one day because he and I have a great hope in Jesus Christ as we both have a time and a place where we met Him. However, what I'm going through now is something I can't explain... I'm not certain if the Lord has something for me to do, other than pray, or if He is telling me something, or if this is just the heart of a woman...

My prayer is that I learn to be dependent on the Lord for strength, because though I am, this feeling of loss or emptiness is what the devil does to make me doubt what my Lord can do. Jesus is all I need. He is my everything, and though He has blessed me with an amazing husband, my thoughts should remain upward. Please help me pray for strength this week, until next Tuesday the 14th when Brian comes home. Also pray for Brian, for a safe and blessed trip, for the Lord's will to be done, and for his divine purpose in all of our lives to be fulfilled.

It's Time to Take Time...

I've honestly learned that time is something I don't have much of.

I have taken time forgranted all of these years, and it has so vividly proven itself to me in the past few months and weeks. God has graciously given me this awesome gift of time. I see the many places and situations He has allowed me to go through and to, whether they be as outstanding and humbling as the mission trip to Jamaica where I met my now husband or as disgusting and humiliating as my college years in which I drug His holy name through the streets of Bowling Green. Time is the one thing God has granted me. It's an amazing thing to look back on it now, to see where He's lead me, and to realize the decisions I made for myself without once calling on His name. Those are the times that I greatly struggled, and I find myself now going through times that appear as if I'm on mountain tops. All the same, the time itself is what I have taken thought of today.

As I was given the opportunity to visit an assisted living home for Alzheimer's patients last week, I walked up and down the halls noticing how vicariously I was living my life... I live so task-oriently. I must get one thing done and move right on to the next. I frustrate easily. I forget to love whole-heartedly and show the joy and peace that a child of God should be illuminating each day, but as my husband and I spoke with a preacher of God's word who now is stricken with this terrible illness, I realized how God is longing for my time. This man of God lived and is still living his life, though he might not understand it, for the Lord. He seemed confused or distraught as he walked the halls with us, but as we started to leave, Brian asked him to pray for us, and just like I'm sure he did all those years past as he lived for God, he bowed his head, and prayed the most simple yet elegant prayer I've ever heard. The time it took for him to say those childlike words was maybe 30 seconds, but it impacted me to take the time to start living and longing to spend my time with God.

I've always heard to live everyday as if it is my last,
but seeing that old man live like that;
hearing my husband tell me he is going to love me like everyday is his last and then see him actually DO it;
and then witnessing my nana sick with Alzheimer's, knowing she is declining, and leaving her home thinking as if it may be my last time with her...
All of these things are enough to make one STOP and take time with God. I've learned to be thankful for the time I've had not just for my own sake but with others. I'm so blessed.


ECCLESIASTES 3
TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted,
A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up,
A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away,
A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

What profit remains for the worker from his toil?
I have seen the painful labor and exertion and miserable business which God has given to the sons of men with which to exercise and busy themselves.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men's hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

I know that there is nothing better for them than to be glad and to get and do good as long as they live;

And also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor--it is the gift of God.

I know that whatever God does, it endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor anything taken from it. And God does it so that men will [reverently] fear Him [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is].