Hope

As I sit beside Samuel in this hospital bed while the last few hours of his epilepsy monitoring come to an end, I cannot help but feel grateful. He has gone 10 days without an episode, and 3 of those 10 days were in the hospital without medication preventing it. I realize that these facts alone are reasons enough to praise God!

The past year has been a difficult yet hopeful one for Samuel. In January, he began having daily headaches. By March, he was diagnosed with a chiari brain malformation and a pineal cyst. Not long after that, his neurologist confirmed he was having migraines. He has been on different medications, and the side effects have been intense at times. In September, he began having these episodes that were later diagnosed as seizures in October.

However, despite all of this, he began Kindergarten (homeschooling). He learned how to ride a bike. He played his first season of soccer. He knows how to add and subtract. He enjoys writing letters for others and putting them in envelopes. He is a giver and has taken on the joy of blessing others with this. He has learned to save his money and keeps a wallet. He knows sight words and is reading. He loves church, singing, and praying.

I had hoped the doctors would get more information from this hospital stay and that they could tell us exactly what was going on. I wanted to wake in the middle of the night last night, as we have so many times over the last 3 months, to the sound of him needing me. I needed more so they could help us help him.

But God...

In the midst of my wishfulness, God tells me that I already have all that I need. He is the Creator of this unique, precious boy, and He knows exactly what is going on inside of him. He knows when he is waking in the middle of the night, and God is there before my husband and I can rush to his bedside. He tells me that wavy lines aren't the answers I need today. He reminds me to trust that He is in control. He already knew that the doctors wouldn't get what they needed because He has something else in store. What that is may not be for me to know right now, and I have to realize that God Himself is enough.

Whatever you may be facing today, do not let what you want get in the way of what God has planned. Last night, I was selfishly hoping for an episode. However, as I look in the smiling face of my boy this morning, I see that God wanted to bless us with ten days of being seizure free! God's ways are good, and He knows what is best. Allowing Him to have His way makes room for hope. That is what I feel this morning more than anything else.