Wishing It Away

It wasn't that long ago when I found myself wishing his life away...  I couldn't wait until he slept through the night.  I wanted him to hurry up and just crawl.  I was wishing he could walk.  I was so ready for him to talk.  I begged him to get out of diapers and be potty trained.  I couldn't wait until he started preschool.  For the past four years, I have been wishing it all away.

Now that he is doing all of those things and is about to turn five in a little over a week, I am realizing how much time I wasted by looking forward instead of being in the moment I had with him.  Just recently, I have really started listening to him, discovering his heart, seeing who he is, praying for who I want him to be, and cherishing these last few "pre-K" days.

I've noticed how funny he is and how he loves to be the center of attention.  He adores his friends, and he wants, more than anything, to be liked by others.  He enjoys sports and action figures, and his favorite foods are Taco Bell, Cracker Barrel, chicken nuggets, fruit (in particular blueberries, apples, raspberries, and blackberries) applesauce, gummy snacks, pizza, and anything barbecue flavored.  He can sing really well, but he doesn't care to sing with a group; he's more of a soloist kind of guy.  He wants to be heard.  He likes to give the details of every situation.  At any given moment of the day, he is either telling me he wants to be outside in the dirt, eating a snack, or playing in the bathtub.  He prefers getting dressed all by himself, and he likes to fix his own hair.  He craves one-on-one attention and needs to feel special.  He likes to know you are listening to him.  He wants to go do something every single day and if he can't, he would like a visitor to come over.  He loves John Deere, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and soccer.  He is super interested in WHY things happen...  (like tonight when we hit a opossum in the road, he asked why the opossum decided to get in the road and why does he have a long tail and why does he look mean and why do you think he's gross, Mom, and why did we run over it and why did it NOT die and why can't we keep it?!)  He knows exactly what he wants.  He does NOT like to follow instructions because he is strong-willed.  He gets his feelings hurt when others won't play with him.  He loves to paint and play with playdoh.  He always sticks his tongue out when he is working really hard.  He loves trains and dirt and tractors and marbles and flashlights.  He really likes to watch things grow.  He loves to tickle and be tickled.  He always wants to hug his favorite people.  He begs to go to church and loves to be there.  He likes to sing about Jesus.  He knows the words to more songs on the radio than I do.  He says a lot of things to the tune of a song.  He is ridiculously honest.  He's quite bold.  He is a visual, hands on learner.  He cannot sit still, but despite that, he is listening to EVERYTHING that's being said.  He loves his Daddy.  He cannot wait to get big.  He likes to feel smart.  He needs approval.  He drives me crazy, but he's my everything.

I wish I could have seen these things more clearly during the haze of the infant and toddler stages, but I know that God has blessed me with the time I've been able to spend with him this past year...  Teaching him in Pre-K has been a tremendous opportunity I will NEVER forget.  I have learned so much about my son and about myself and how similar we really are.  Maybe I wished his life away because life was a bit overwhelming.  Most of his life, I've been pregnant, nursing, and/or taking care of a baby; I don't feel I was able to focus on him the way I wish I had.  Yet, I'm learning day by day to take him in, pray over him, and enjoy him.  It won't be long before he'll step into elementary school, but until then, I'm going to stop wishing it away and just wish he could stay like this forever.