Or Calls Me Home...

As I sit quietly on the living room couch, with our two babies tucked in tight and my husband enjoying the middle of the bed, I realize how blessed I am.  Just today, I heard "I love you" three times in a row from my two-year-old and had dinner with some very dear friends, but also occuring today was a dear man of the faith being laid to rest.  While I know he is rejoicing this very second upon such sights I cannot fathom, I cannot help but wonder what his sweet wife is feeling without him.

His passing (and many others recently) has me fearful over losing those I love.  The adversary seems to find ways to make me question God's sovereignty, and I tend to get weak when he tugs at my heart.  Just last night, I dreamed that I woke up without Daniel, and tonight as Brian and I talked about our day, I got teary-eyed when we discussed what we'd do without the other.  He told me I would be fine, but I couldn't imagine it...

While I know that God is in complete control, I can't help but be human and fear what is to come.  I know there will be loss.  I realize there is a chance I'll out live our children.  I understand that our children already only have one set of grandparents.  I am very aware that I'm not guaranteed tomorrow.  What I have is now.  This very moment.

In this very moment, I have all I never pictured I would.  I have the most amazing husband who loves me for me.  He accepts me just as I am and loves me with his words.  I have two beautiful boys who literally make my heart joyous at the thought of them.  Their laughter and love make me want to be a better person for their sake.  I have a heavenly Father who lavishes His love on me on a constant basis.  He saved me from my sins when I cried out to Him as a 10-year-old girl. I have more than I need here in our home.  I'm spoiled rotten with material things.  I have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart that is open to love. 

Tomorrow is another day, and while God very well may choose to change all I've been given, I am going to rest in the One who holds the world in the palm of His hand.  I'm going to sleep peacefully, knowing that if I do not wake, He has prepared for me a home in heaven. If I lose everyone I love, I still have Christ.  He will always be my Comforter, my all in all.  In Him, I can truly live without the fear of death.  May we all see our blessings in life and use them for His glory until He comes back or calls me home.

In Christ alone, my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand