Hushed.

The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

It has been very difficult for me to write lately. It could be from all of the emotions I'm experiencing or the changes that are within me. Truthfully, I have just been completely humbled at how God is working in my life.

Seems strange that just a little over 7 months ago, I was sitting in a classroom, trying to decide if I should resign. I wasn't exactly enjoying life, but knew God had bigger purposes than just where I was. I was ill at Him for taking my child from me, and I wanted so badly to be pregnant again.

Things don't work out exactly as we plan them. If I'd had it my way, 7 months ago, I would have loved teaching, been 4 months pregnant, and never would have had to think about a child in Heaven. I look back now and realize what it was all for.

Hush, and watch, He wanted to say to me. It's just that I wouldn't listen nor would I exactly get quiet through the bitterness and chatter. His ideas seemed irrelevant to me at that point. He lost all hope of keeping my trust. I was so mad at Him that I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to love Him again.

Now, I see that that anger has caused me to love Him more. I've learned that He didn't promise me that life would be easy... On the contrary, "Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it (Matthew 17:14)." Difficult is what He said it would be, and yet, I spent months wondering why life had to be so hard... why all these terrible things were happening to me. I see that they weren't terrible. They were part of His plan to silence me.

The reason I am finally quiet is because I've realized that I have to listen to God. He's saying things to me all of the time; it's just that for the past few months, I've been unable and unwilling to hear Him. Sometimes I don't hear anything for days, and sometimes the silence is so loud I cannot bear to handle it.

However, on many occasions, I hear Him in the office, through the typing of my gentle husband's hands. Sometimes, I can hear Him late at night, through the ache in my back that my little one is pressing upon. Other moments, I hear Him in the strokes of a paintbrush, as He reminds me how He has blessed me with talents. Mostly, I hear Him in the quiet of the day, reminding me that I am exactly where He wants me.

Hushed.

Blessed.

I've only been up for a few hours, but after a night of good sleep on the couch, I awoke feeling incredibly blessed. I cannot go into detail into why I'm feeling this way, but let me just take the time to praise God for all He's doing right now.

"Flicka" is 12 weeks TODAY!
I'm sure you're wondering about who "Flicka" is, but our little one is being called this by his/her daddy. When we never had the opportunity to hear our first child's heartbeat, when we went 6 weeks ago to the OB and saw the flickering on the screen, we were completely humbled. Since then, the baby has earned its keep as "Flicka". And no, that will NOT be its name or nickname. By the way, Brian didn't know it, but being the first-born son of a first-born son, it came as a surprise to my husband when I informed him that "Flicka" is Swedish for "beautiful, young girl." I think he's finally warming up to a girl, but we will be more than blessed by either.

My husband is my best friend!
Some days are hard, and some days we barely speak due to our busy schedules. However, mornings like these are what it is all about. Knowing you're exactly in the center of God's will and having Him answer prayers right before your eyes is amazing. Not to mention the fact that my wonderful husband woke up with the intention of heading to Hardee's to get me a biscuit but he couldn't remember what kind I liked (I haven't said anything about biscuits). As I was getting up, I mentioned that a biscuit would be so good, and before heading off to West TN, he ran out and got me 3 biscuits... 1 1/2 for this morning and 1 1/2 for tomorrow since he'll be away. How sweet is that?!

My pants don't fit so well...
To most women this would be a terrible realization, but for me, it is a wonderful reminder of God... How He grows us and reminds us of His abilities everyday if we're willing to see them. My ever-protruding midsection constantly proves to me that God is so good. He has chosen me for this time and this purpose. I am so honored and so thankful to see how He's changing me.

We always have enough...
It may not be a big deal to some, but after having left a job and depending on one salary, we have learned that God does provide. It wasn't until we took this leap of faith by my leaving a teaching position that we've realized this in full. Before, the finances were always there, and now, they're not on a weekly/monthly basis... That's where God has stepped in. He's given us abilities which He has used to help us, and He has blessed us with unlikely "sponsors" that show up at just the right time. How thankful we are for His promises and His devout provision!

He's very clear...
Both my husband and I are VERY indecisive. Brian likes to think everything through logically (how much will it cost, is it a priority, will this put me ahead or behind), where as I just can't decide for ridiculous reasons (maybe something else will come up, this can't be reasonable, what will Brian think of this). However, God has made SO MANY THINGS clear to us lately that we've not had to make our own decisions at all. He has spoken timely and directly, and everything that we thought would be so difficult to choose has been so remarkably easy.

These are such small things, but they have had such a profound effect on our lives during this season of change. Through it all, we've learned that God's just waiting to bless us in His perfect timing. And He has. And it's good.