He must have been thinking about me...
It's unreal to me that the next to last time I wrote, I was single and completely okay with that. I had just told my friends not 5 days before on my birthday that though I was content with being single, I was ready to meet "him." I wanted to know who he was, what he was doing, and had he prayed for me the way I had for him. Only 2 months ago was I in this frame of mind...
Little did I know but that someone I was ready to meet was thinking the same things. He had been praying for his future wife for years... It wasn't until January 14th of this year that the Lord showed him who he should be praying for. It came as quite a surprise to him, as he already knew who she was; he knew her better than most anyone. They were close friends, and they had been pushed by others to try to be something more... But it wasn't time for God had such a bigger plan. On January 22nd, he knew that he needed to call her and tell her how he felt, but when he called, he knew she had had an overwhelming day, so he was silent and waited...
Until the following day... Because the day before had been her birthday, and it wasn't in God's time to reveal that the two would become one in only two months. We met that afternoon at Starbucks and talked for hours about nothing, until his elbows were both on the table and his hands folded together, I didn't realize that this conversation was anything more than just two friends being just that. Then I heard, "What is going on with us? Is there an us?" At that very moment, as I looked into his eyes, the Holy Spirit filled me, and I knew that this was the one that I had been asking and praying for... He was the one that had been made for me. Perfectly and divinely designed for me. But how do you tell someone that when you're not certain they feel that same way?! I replied, "I don't know, is there?!" I soon realized there was in fact an "us." Not just the "us-es" I have had before, this was the one God had intended for me to be with all along. This is the one I was to expect...
In four days, I will walk down the aisle to meet my best friend and pledge our life to the Lord as one. I know, it sounds strange, not saying that I'm pledging my life to him, but the way I see it, I'm not. I'm giving my life, my marriage, and everything I have to the Lord. If it's in my Maker's hands, it can never be harmed, destroyed, or hurt. There will be hard times, but I know that if he and I will take it to the Lord in prayer, He will see them and us through. I am asking now for your prayers... Please pray for my marriage, that it will be one that uplifts and glorifies God in every way possible. It means so much to me. Remember us this Saturday, March 31st, at 2:00, as we start our life together...
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Thursday, February 1, 2007
And Now My Lifesong Sings...
Lord, it's amazing how just over eight days ago, You had made me completely content in loving You. I realized that being single wasn't the worst thing in my life, that maybe it was the best because I could focus more of me on You. I wasn't always sure I liked that idea. You and I both know how stubborn I was, and that everywhere I went I was hoping to find the right one.
Lord, it's indescribable, this feeling I have knowing that You have saw fit for me to share my life with this man. You've humbled my every being and hushed my every word. My nerves have overtaken me at times, God, but You are always there to reassure me that You are in control, and this is, in fact, the rest of my life.
Lord, it's moving, having my future by my side. Praying with him, and knowing that everyday for the rest of our lives we are dedicated to serving You because YOU have brought us together in eight days. Eight days, and I KNOW that he is the one. The one that You designed for me, the one You had in mind, the one that is the reason I understand You so well right now... You are so good, God.
Lord, it's weird. I'll be completely honest. I never imagined You could do this, but it's because I doubted that You moved in the way You did to PROVE Your power to me. Thank you, Lord. Thank you that You are more powerful and amazing than even I can comprehend. Thank you for sending me a fiance who loves You more than life itself. Thank you, God, for the most amazing eight days of my life because now, my lifesong sings...
Lord, it's indescribable, this feeling I have knowing that You have saw fit for me to share my life with this man. You've humbled my every being and hushed my every word. My nerves have overtaken me at times, God, but You are always there to reassure me that You are in control, and this is, in fact, the rest of my life.
Lord, it's moving, having my future by my side. Praying with him, and knowing that everyday for the rest of our lives we are dedicated to serving You because YOU have brought us together in eight days. Eight days, and I KNOW that he is the one. The one that You designed for me, the one You had in mind, the one that is the reason I understand You so well right now... You are so good, God.
Lord, it's weird. I'll be completely honest. I never imagined You could do this, but it's because I doubted that You moved in the way You did to PROVE Your power to me. Thank you, Lord. Thank you that You are more powerful and amazing than even I can comprehend. Thank you for sending me a fiance who loves You more than life itself. Thank you, God, for the most amazing eight days of my life because now, my lifesong sings...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
What Are You Waiting For?
Oh, I see now... It was me; You were waiting for me to get my heart and mind set on You, on things above, not on the thing that I thought mattered more than anything. You kept asking me to fall in love with You, and it was when I did that You handed him to me.
Your plans never fail, and I never can explain why I haven't chose you from the beginning. Your story for us is beautiful. It is perfectly planned, elegantly designed, and creatively orchestrated, to become this amazing pair that will always uplift and glorify You. I always knew that when I knew, it would be for a man that loved God as much if not more than I did. Thank You for that.
Thank You that despite every other area and aspect in my life, You gave me patience to wait for him. Thank You for giving me the grace to KNOW that he is the one, and thank You that he knew it too. Thank You for allowing me to build such an amazing friendship with him that was solely based on You. Thank You that we always have put You first in every one of our conversations, decisions, and adventures together, and thank You that I firmly believe it will be that way for the rest of our lives. Thank You for helping me, most of all, to wait for You to SHOW ME.
"Every good and perfect gift comes from above..." James 1:17
Your plans never fail, and I never can explain why I haven't chose you from the beginning. Your story for us is beautiful. It is perfectly planned, elegantly designed, and creatively orchestrated, to become this amazing pair that will always uplift and glorify You. I always knew that when I knew, it would be for a man that loved God as much if not more than I did. Thank You for that.
Thank You that despite every other area and aspect in my life, You gave me patience to wait for him. Thank You for giving me the grace to KNOW that he is the one, and thank You that he knew it too. Thank You for allowing me to build such an amazing friendship with him that was solely based on You. Thank You that we always have put You first in every one of our conversations, decisions, and adventures together, and thank You that I firmly believe it will be that way for the rest of our lives. Thank You for helping me, most of all, to wait for You to SHOW ME.
"Every good and perfect gift comes from above..." James 1:17
Saturday, January 27, 2007
You Move Me...
Words come easily to me. They seem to be the one thing I can depend on when everything else fails. That is, until now.
I have been so moved by the Lord in the past week that I have been unable to speak. He has shown me how to truly "be still." It's an amazing thing, to be humbled in His presence, to be living in His light, and to know that He is the center of my world.
In time, the Lord will help me to speak this blessing more eloquently like I'm known for, but at this point in time, I am silenced by His grace, strength, and plan.
Jeremiah 29:11-12 - "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen."
I have been so moved by the Lord in the past week that I have been unable to speak. He has shown me how to truly "be still." It's an amazing thing, to be humbled in His presence, to be living in His light, and to know that He is the center of my world.
In time, the Lord will help me to speak this blessing more eloquently like I'm known for, but at this point in time, I am silenced by His grace, strength, and plan.
Jeremiah 29:11-12 - "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen."
Monday, January 22, 2007
Instead of Birthday Bliss...
I've been incredibly humbled by the events of today. It's not what I would have expected if I would have been asked years ago what my 24th would be like... Instead, it's been extremely bittersweet. There were two blogs months ago that kept running through my mind today, and though none of you probably remember them, I cannot stop thinking about the words I wrote. They are more true today than they have ever been...
On Sunday, May 28, 2006, I wrote:
And Now, There's A Hole In My Heart
I lost my uncle today.
It was unexpected, but really, when is death ever truly expected...
I know God has a plan for all of our lives, and as we sat with family and friends, I realized how fortunate we all are to have God in charge. So many things happen that we cannot explain or even begin to comprehend, but God knows what He is doing. My uncle had lived a short 47 year, but wonderful life. He had a beautiful family, amazing friends, and a sense of pride that none of us will ever understand. He was a farmer, and he worked everyday in the fields, as his father had, just as his children will do. I have never been as proud to be in a farming family as I was today. I realized how precious and important they are to one another...
My uncle Gerald and I shared a birthday... As I was telling a friend this piece of information and how my birthday would never be the same, he said this:
That, in itself, is a representation of what life is: beautiful, tragic, and timed by a clock we can't read. Your birthday is something more than it was: a reflection of life now.
On Wednesday, May 31, 2006, I wrote these words:
And The Hole Just Gets Deeper...
...I remember every year around Christmas time, Gerald would remind me that his birthday was coming up, and that I wasn't to forget to send him a card. He'd pinch me until a bruise would come up and I'd yell and knock on him until he'd let me go. Usually, I'd be laughing so hard I couldn't do anything, but he'd make certain I'd be sending him a check with his name on it for his birthday on January 22. It would be then, I'd laugh and elbow him in his side, reminding him to send me a card, as my birthday was on the same day. He'd say, "I know, I know. Don't forget my card." I'd tell him that I prefer cash. Of all of those years, I never once sent a card. Funny enough, he didn't either. But I'd receive a call that night asking for his money... Every year.
I can't imagine my life without him in it. I didn't see him all the time because I knew he was always there. I could always count on Gerald if I wasn't able to get a hold of my dad. When I needed help this past Christmas buying gifts for other family members, I called Gerald. Of course, he said they'd all enjoy a box of rocks, but then he gave me ideas as his wife gave them to him. There's just a part of me that seems to be missing without him. You know that life doesn't go on forever, but I sure wish I could have told him how much I loved him. I know he knew because we weren't the loving kind, he and I; we were the picking, poking, and joking kind. That was our kind of loving. I know the last time I saw him, he gave me his fair share of loving. I had the bruise to prove it for a week after seeing him. It's hard letting go of someone you weren't ready to. It's even harder knowing you're saying goodbye for the final time.
I can't imagine my birthday ever feeling the same because Gerald is not here to share it with me. We never once were together on our birthday, but somehow I knew we were thinking of one another and it truly meant something.
Today my birthday meant so much more to me than it ever has before. I couldn't NOT spend my birthday without him. I couldn't explain this to anyone; it was just something I needed to do. I drove to Lamont to his gravesite to share our birthday together for the first time, and although he wasn't "there," something told me that he knew I was. It was freezing outside, and somehow I was comforted as soon as I walked over to the headstone and kneeled down. Those words hurt more than any ever have before, but he knew. He understood.
I drove away, feeling like it was the best birthday I'd ever had, when the snow started to lightly fall, and the tears wouldn't stop. Every year it snows, and finally, much to my surprise, tonight was the night I saw the first few flakes of snow. I called Jan, my aunt and Gerald's wife, to tell her I had thought of her all day, because I had. It was such a strange day, to be your birthday but thinking the whole time of someone else, praying for them all day long, and hoping you both could have one more day with the someone we love. It's just a new kind of birthday feeling... one that I wasn't expecting. She and I shared a moment of memories about him, and I told her how much I loved him and her... It was very emotional, but God must have known what He was doing because I didn't cry at all. We both must have needed me to say what I did.
Birthdays are blessings, and I mean that now in the most meaningful way. This birthday has taught me to cherish each birthday and day more because I don't know what the Lord has in store. I miss my uncle more than words could ever express, and today I realized that in a deeper way. My birthday will always mean more to me because I know that I share it with him.
On Sunday, May 28, 2006, I wrote:
And Now, There's A Hole In My Heart
I lost my uncle today.
It was unexpected, but really, when is death ever truly expected...
I know God has a plan for all of our lives, and as we sat with family and friends, I realized how fortunate we all are to have God in charge. So many things happen that we cannot explain or even begin to comprehend, but God knows what He is doing. My uncle had lived a short 47 year, but wonderful life. He had a beautiful family, amazing friends, and a sense of pride that none of us will ever understand. He was a farmer, and he worked everyday in the fields, as his father had, just as his children will do. I have never been as proud to be in a farming family as I was today. I realized how precious and important they are to one another...
My uncle Gerald and I shared a birthday... As I was telling a friend this piece of information and how my birthday would never be the same, he said this:
That, in itself, is a representation of what life is: beautiful, tragic, and timed by a clock we can't read. Your birthday is something more than it was: a reflection of life now.
On Wednesday, May 31, 2006, I wrote these words:
And The Hole Just Gets Deeper...
...I remember every year around Christmas time, Gerald would remind me that his birthday was coming up, and that I wasn't to forget to send him a card. He'd pinch me until a bruise would come up and I'd yell and knock on him until he'd let me go. Usually, I'd be laughing so hard I couldn't do anything, but he'd make certain I'd be sending him a check with his name on it for his birthday on January 22. It would be then, I'd laugh and elbow him in his side, reminding him to send me a card, as my birthday was on the same day. He'd say, "I know, I know. Don't forget my card." I'd tell him that I prefer cash. Of all of those years, I never once sent a card. Funny enough, he didn't either. But I'd receive a call that night asking for his money... Every year.
I can't imagine my life without him in it. I didn't see him all the time because I knew he was always there. I could always count on Gerald if I wasn't able to get a hold of my dad. When I needed help this past Christmas buying gifts for other family members, I called Gerald. Of course, he said they'd all enjoy a box of rocks, but then he gave me ideas as his wife gave them to him. There's just a part of me that seems to be missing without him. You know that life doesn't go on forever, but I sure wish I could have told him how much I loved him. I know he knew because we weren't the loving kind, he and I; we were the picking, poking, and joking kind. That was our kind of loving. I know the last time I saw him, he gave me his fair share of loving. I had the bruise to prove it for a week after seeing him. It's hard letting go of someone you weren't ready to. It's even harder knowing you're saying goodbye for the final time.
I can't imagine my birthday ever feeling the same because Gerald is not here to share it with me. We never once were together on our birthday, but somehow I knew we were thinking of one another and it truly meant something.
Today my birthday meant so much more to me than it ever has before. I couldn't NOT spend my birthday without him. I couldn't explain this to anyone; it was just something I needed to do. I drove to Lamont to his gravesite to share our birthday together for the first time, and although he wasn't "there," something told me that he knew I was. It was freezing outside, and somehow I was comforted as soon as I walked over to the headstone and kneeled down. Those words hurt more than any ever have before, but he knew. He understood.
I drove away, feeling like it was the best birthday I'd ever had, when the snow started to lightly fall, and the tears wouldn't stop. Every year it snows, and finally, much to my surprise, tonight was the night I saw the first few flakes of snow. I called Jan, my aunt and Gerald's wife, to tell her I had thought of her all day, because I had. It was such a strange day, to be your birthday but thinking the whole time of someone else, praying for them all day long, and hoping you both could have one more day with the someone we love. It's just a new kind of birthday feeling... one that I wasn't expecting. She and I shared a moment of memories about him, and I told her how much I loved him and her... It was very emotional, but God must have known what He was doing because I didn't cry at all. We both must have needed me to say what I did.
Birthdays are blessings, and I mean that now in the most meaningful way. This birthday has taught me to cherish each birthday and day more because I don't know what the Lord has in store. I miss my uncle more than words could ever express, and today I realized that in a deeper way. My birthday will always mean more to me because I know that I share it with him.
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